is wishing to be with someone else instead of your husband considered cheating?

Question

i am with him because of our children.even though i am not looking for anyone i do wish i had somebody else instead of having him.don't regret the children but regret i had them with him.he was so wonderful and now he is just not the same.we fight all the time.he thinks i am cheating.but he is the one messing around. i feel so disgusted when he ask for sex. i am just there and thats it..but wish i could enjoy it.i just cant enjoy it with him anymore.and i just feel that i need passion and romance in my life but no with him..am i wrong?i am very confused because i dont know if i still love him or i am just used to being with him.any advice.

Answer 1

I do not know if this marriage can be saved if you feel sick when he touches you. I was with someone who did something like that to me and I felt like vomiting when just thinking about it. As far as sex goes, for right now--you are crippled in a way from the dissatisfaction & the pain & the anger & the dissappointment/disgust. And when you are intimate with him, you probably focus on something on the ceiling/wall/tv. Or you imagine that he is some handsome and sexy celebrity. You might even be a self-pleaser now. I am the type of person who can not even look at somebody who really hurts me. I avoid looking at them for a while. I understand your feelings. You can stay or leave, but staying and not doing anything to mend the marriage will probably only make things worse. You might end up seeing somebody else and he will see somebody else but you will still live in the house for the children. That would be twisted. Do things the right way and in the right order. This is the best for everybody. You are not intimate (emotions & feelings included) with him, you just have sex with him and can't wait for it to be over. I would not want my husband to touch me ever again either if he had sex outside our marriage. I think that you just do not look at him the same since you discovered he was cheating. That is where your feelings of being repulsed by him stem from. Also, those feelings of hating to have sex with him stem from you being bored and not satisfied with ya'll sex life because there is no passion, fire, intense connection and romance. Have you tried everything you can to make it work, but it made no difference in the end? You should go to marriage counseling if you are not ready to give up on him, and if you are through--time heals all wounds. He should also want to save or fix his marriage, you can not do work for the both of you. He has to do his part to help fix the situation since he violated the marriage. If he does not seem like he cares about the marrige-Roll Out. I know that you will find someone who makes you happy and treats you how you want to be treated inside the bedroom and outside of it...he'll be so good to you though ya'll may have some down times every now and again.

Answer 2

I'm sorry to hear that, dear! Hope something good can happen for you soon.

However.. here are my thoughts.

If you haven't actually acted on your feelings of wanting to be with someone else... then you have not cheated. Now... if you did act on those feelings, you obviously have cheated.

Now what scares me is your husband. You believe he is cheating on you? It's probably true if he accuses you and you haven't. However what is not safe, is if he is cheating on you and still having sex with you, there is a possibility of you catching STD's. Even moreso if he is "fixed" and fooling around unprotected! Keep that in mind... He could be putting your health in danger!

My advice is to get some counseling for the both of you. I hope he is willing to go and work on your relationship.

However, if you are truely unhappy and do not want to work the relationship out... don't stay around for the kids. It is harder on the kids seeing their parents unhappy and fighting than it is to see them seperated and happy. You didn't mention how old the kids are... however the age, if you don't get the help through counseling you need, it's time to move on.

Good luck dear... wish all the best.

Answer 3

Sounds like you need some marriage counsling for the both of you. I do think you're wrong for making the children the blame in staying married if you don't want to be. They're not responsible for your choices. Either leave or stay but don't put it all on the kids, they've done nothing to deserve it.

Answer 4

Please try to get some counseling to help you see things clearly.
I am going through a divorce after being married for 20 years (first time marriage). I stayed until my kids went to college.
I understand your feelings. But, with children, you need to be so careful, emotionally, economically. Can you go to couples counseling with your husband? Tell him you really want to work on your relationship. You may find ways to make it work and rediscover the man you fell in love with.

Answer 5

Sounds like you think you are staying with him for the kids, but I think you are staying because you are scared to leave. Your kids are going to suffer watching you fight and be sad. They will know something is not right in your home and it will affect them if it hasn't already. You can do better than a man who cheats. If your spouse disgusts you, argues with you, and is cheating, then it is time to move on. Do not take this emotional abuse anymore.

Answer 6

Hunny, leave.

You are a woman who should live for yourself. You are number one and you should live for you and your children. If you feel this way He probably doesnt feel much different. Walk away and save your life. No, not from death..but so you have NO regrets.

NO REGRETS NO REGRETS NO REGRETS NO REGRETS.

You live once.
You Are Number One
You are Deserving.
You Are Powerful
YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO LIVE YOUR LIFE HOW YOU CHOOSE.. SO WHY ARENT YOU.

You will be fine, leave him and save yourself from regret.

All Power To You!! Best Wishes In Finding YOU!!

Answer 7

I feel you totally. I have tears in my eyes just reading and feeling your pain/anger/love/hate/EVERYTHING. Marriage is alot to you, but not the same meaning to him. To him it's just a relationship WITH KIDS. To you it's a commitment. A wife has a very important role, same as a mother. When your mate for life is an *ss it makes you resent even having feelings for them. I wish my husband could walk in my shoes for 1 day. I bet he would kill himself. I feel you so much! All I can say is if you have a daughter live life like you are teaching her to be like you. Strong, respectful, loving and just phenomenal (can't spell) LOL. I am about to start this week to live life for me. If that mean to live a "single" life after I tuck my kids into bed...so be it. Do you think they think of us while they are laying with some chick. H*ll no, so why do we think so much of them??? Let's think more of us and our kids. In the end, that is all that really matters!

Answer 8

I wouldn't say its cheating at least not on your husband your cheating on yourself and your children. If you do not want to be there get out staying for the kids is a unhealthy thing to do.Don't you think the children seance the hostility in you?. The main thing to remember is IF YOUR NOT HAPPY YOU CAN NOT MAKE ANYONE ELSE HAPPY!!!!! Live life, enjoy it, your not promised tomorrow.

Answer 9

Just being with someone b/c of the children is not good. ( in the end that only hurts the children) If you feel that way around him and are thinking about other men ,you shouldn't further your marriage.

Answer 10

If he is messing around, then problem solved. You are doing more damage to the kids by staying in this terrible relationship than you would be by leaving. Think of the example you are setting.