I have been with a man for 6 years. It has not been all easy, but there have been some good times. I think deep down his is a good man that means well but he has done some things I dont know if I want to forgive or can forgive. More than that he doesnt even know how to try to make it better.
Shouldnt a man that has screwed up really badly try really hard to fix it if he says he loves me and cant imagine life without me? If he doesnt know what to do, should he try to get some help in figuring that out? Or is that too much to ask?
He lied for 6 years to me and only told me because he was forced into telling me. I cant believe it and I dont know what to do. I want to pretend it never happened, but I cant.
2006-09-18 14:49:41 · 25 answers · asked by Running on Empty 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
That's a good question. There is good and bad in all of us, as simplistic as that sounds. Just because a part of the fruit is rotten, doesn't mean the whole fruit is bad. In your case a lie that he withheld from you for 6 years...6 years of deceit is, in my view,
a considerable breach of trust...and yes if he realized how badly he screwed up and hurt you, he should be doing everythng he can to regain your trust. He may not be a bad man, but he is definitely a weak man. But if you can't forgive him, I think that's the beginning of the end.
2006-09-18 15:38:07 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He lied for an extreme amount of time, and only told the truth when he was forced to do so.
And I wouldn't be so sure that you got the actual truth even then. I think that you should leave him. I know it hurts and that you have invested a lot of time and love on the relationship, but it can't work if he has such issues with honesty.
Get out befor ehe drags you further down. I speak from personal exsperience. I was sith a guy who lied for no apparent reason all the time. I blew it off as a quirk. Something he did cause it made him feel better. But from there it went to controlling what I said and did and who I spoke to. Eventully, he started stealing and taking stupid risks with me and the kids right there with him.
Luckily, I got out before I got in trouble with the law. He wasn't so lucky. He now has a permanent record and I'll have to tell my sons why their dad can't see them anymore.
2006-09-18 15:09:03 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Everyone makes mistakes and deserves forgiveness IF they do not make the same mistakes over and over. Also, to receive forgiveness, your husband should show you how sorry he is by figuring out how to fix it or make it better. Some guys are not good at this, but he can always go to a marriage counselor or Pastor to get some advice on fixing his deception and lies. He should also NEVER get upset that it still hurts or angers you even if it is 20 years from now. Good luck.
2006-09-18 15:06:20 · answer #3 · answered by RKC 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should ask yourself how desperate you are. Why do you need to put up with someone who is lying to you for 6 years? He might be a "good" man, but don't forget Satan was a "good" angel at first. Don't pretend and think it will go away. Realize you are better than that and you don't need to be lied to. You deserve to be loved just like everyone else. Love doesn't lie.
2006-09-19 04:39:34 · answer #4 · answered by cookie 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
believe it or no longer, i've got in no way tried this methodology earlier. I hear alot approximately what number adult males do it and that they say it works 80% of the time. I do bleive that mendacity can kinda get a woman fascinated yet i do no longer wanna beleive that any genuine self-respecting woman could purely open her legts as much as a guy who says he's a business enterprise government vp of a few no-call business enterprise. If it extremely is purely intercourse, looking rather ideal gets you the place you wana be in that recognize as maximum warm human beings do no longer could desire to deceive get some tail. IMO
2016-10-17 06:02:16 · answer #5 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is going to be hard!But time to move on you answered your question yourself.If your not willing to forgive I didn't say forget How can he? You will never forget. But if you really love this man keep tring start by not mentioning (whatever he's done)for 2 weeks.See if maybe your not seeing if he is sorry for whats hes done because you expect more.You may not get what your looking for magical words are there such a words.so sorry
2006-09-18 15:03:45 · answer #6 · answered by jessica_loves_christian 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Whether anybody lied and deceived is not important. For what purpose he did this is important. If his purpose was good than he can be a good man and if bad no need to forgive him. Because a good man only work for good purpose- ways can be wrong. And if the purpose is not good-right ways keep no meaning. So confirm the purpose-whether he want to keep you happy and working for hapiness of family and relashionship or just deceiving you for the enoyment of himself.
2006-09-18 16:16:49 · answer #7 · answered by laughing_room 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
only YOU know your own heart... I wish I could say to you that it will all be ok...... but, it may not be....... forgiving certain things takes hard work on both sides, NOt just his...... you have to have it in your heart to WANT to fogive and go on with life.. and even it you do have that, it will take time and work and ups and downs..... there are a million steps in the process of getting things right again..... you do not say what it is that is so bad... but I respect your privacy so........ but no matter what it is, it is still up to YOU , is he worth the effort or not...... and as for him knowing how to make it better ?? NO, he does not know that by nature... we, has people do not come with instructions books..... communication is the key....... sit him down and talk this out......... yell, scream, demand answers....... then calm down and really talk it all out.......... God bless
2006-09-18 15:09:35 · answer #8 · answered by Annie 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am not sure of the specifics of your situation, but mine seems similar. I have been married for 14 years, and my husband has been a liar and cheater most of those years. Every time, he would seem to change, but it was only for a little while. Before to long, it was back to his normal, selfishness. You may be able to forgive, but you will never forget. I feel like I wasted 16 years of my life on this man who never truly loved and respected me. (we were high school sweethearts) Now we have bills, property and kids to consider in a divorce...but now I know for sure that he will never change, and I need to move on with my life. If your situation sounds a lot like mine, maybe it is time for you to look for someone who will love and respect you enough not to lie to you.
2006-09-18 15:06:40 · answer #9 · answered by Tiff 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would never trust a man that lied to me. If you catch him in a lie once, he will lie again, no doubt. He will tell you what he wants you to hear, but he will lie just to suit himself. I had a friend that was a great wife to a man for about 10 years, and he kept lieing and cheating on her over and over, and kept promising he would quit, and was constantly caught in lies. She finally said he was not worth it all, and divorced him. Now she has a good man, and she can trust him, and have a good relationship with him. She deserves it!
2006-09-18 15:09:29 · answer #10 · answered by autumn wolf 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋