Weve been 2gether for about a year and a half, and have a 3 mo old. I got pregnant 2 weeks after we got our own apartment. Weve lived here ever since. I love him to death, & he loves me. But I have an attitude a lot, usually when he ticks me off with sumthing, but I usually apologize for it, and I have been getting better with it. He says he doesnt want to be in a relationship with fighting, which I agree, for our daughter. But we dont scream and cuss, usually its mostly just a disagreement and we discuss it.
I want to be engaged (even if we wait years to marry) because I want his word that he is here for the long haul. He has told me before if I leave him, he isnt coming after me, because its my choice to leave. So I feel very insecure about him being with me. I know he loves me and our daughter, but I need that security.
I told him that I wont put up w/ being together 4 so long and being a housewife, without being engaged! Is it wrong of me to ask this of him?
2006-09-18 14:26:45 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Thanks for any input and advice!?
2006-09-18 14:27:07 · update #1
haha and yes we should have had this discussion before, but I was on the pill, and we were never meaning to have a baby!! it just happened that way, and i wouldnt change it a bit, i love my daughter to death!
2006-09-18 14:32:09 · update #2
Once again, we had protection, but I still got pregnant. I did not ask to be unmarried with a child, I would have preferred marriage first, but things didnt work out that way. Please dont dogg me because of it, I didnt ask for it, I tried to protect myself.
2006-09-18 14:35:13 · update #3
we live in ohio, by the way.
2006-09-18 14:45:03 · update #4
I don't think it's wrong that you want to be engaged. It's natural that you want to move on to the next stage. However, you need to think very carefully about why he hasn't proposed. Is it because he's not ready? Is it because he has doubts about you two? Is he because he just simply didn't want to marry you? And of course there's a chance that he hasn't proposed simply he hasn't found the right ring and the right time. But no matter what the reason is, you need to make sure your daughter comes first and she's taken care of. Then no matter what happens, good or bad, your daughter will the security that she needs.
2006-09-18 14:37:17 · answer #1 · answered by Connie L 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I understand WHY you would want engaged. I think it means NOTHING if it's not a mutual argument it's JUST WORDS. He has to want it and be committed to it. You can't force him to say he will get engaged that's a PROMISE to marry maybe he dose not want that. "You have not been together long at all" and you said you already have fights disagreements THAT'S NOT THE NORM!. you SAID you have a attitude a lot that's for a reason. I think you need a counselor for you both. I've been married 3 years 2ed marriage"was married 8 years in another relationship". I only got a attitude with the ex at the VERY END when he was cheating and not holding a job being a dead best. Me and my current husband are raising my 10.5 and 8.5 year old I'm 7 months pregnant so YES we have stress we still Hadley ever are upset with each other. WE HAVE NEVER had a major fight. I think it's wrong to ask him to give more then he's willing to give. It should be his ideal to commit to you and his child if he is not willing to do that not willing to chase you if you leave I'd say he's NOT THAT INTO YOU. I know my hubby would hunt me down like a blood hound if i left.
2006-09-18 14:52:07 · answer #2 · answered by ally'smom 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well first off I'm not going to bash you for not having a baby before you were married it's not the end of the world. At the same time dont rush him when the time is right it will happen. A marriage certificate does not make anyone committed married people cheat everyday. You guys have your whole lives ahead of you. Just enjoy eachother and your baby and let things happen when they happen. Just remember there are many men who find out their girlfriends are pregnant and run he stood beside you so it's obvious he loves you. The idea of marriage is scary for a lot of people it took me a long time to warm up to the idea it's setting yourself up for the biggest failure ever if something should go wrong. I wish you three the best.
2006-09-18 14:59:27 · answer #3 · answered by babygrl0407 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It is natural to want a sense of security with a partner especially if you both share a child, however it would be very helpful for you to develop more security within yourself as well.
Engagement or marriage will not give you this feeling of security if you are not at peace inside. We all know that even with the best of intentions, sometimes a relationship does not work out. Maybe we are even better well out of it. When we are happy enough on the inside and have more self confidence, it is easier to make decisions in our own best interests. I would give it more time, see how things naturally develop. Good luck.
2006-09-18 15:37:34 · answer #4 · answered by livitet 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think you did an oosp. Now you have a baby and he won't marry you. If he LOVED you so much he would have married you BEFORE you gave birth! You'll end-up "playing House" with this guy until either you or him will get sick of the whole thing and leave. Good Luck.
2006-09-18 14:34:23 · answer #5 · answered by whataboutme 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You are both very immature and the way you are saying all of this, don't be surprised if he leaves. Does not sound good, sweetie. Being "engaged" does not not mean anything considering the situation you are in. You should have done it the right way, sweetie........engaged, married, lived with each other and then baby! You will pay price for this......hope other young girls will read this and think twice. Hope you like the single life and have a good education to support yourself and the kid.
2006-09-18 14:32:40 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 2⤋
You could do what i did with my boyfriend:
I sat him down and told him that forever sounded nice but how about we start with 10 years? I want 10 years out of him to help me raise my kids and after that we can deside if we want to continue for another 10 or split. I also told him that after those 10 i expect some kind of wedding ring for common law marriage and something to show off and that before those first 10 are up i expect some kind of engagement ring to show off to my friends. We have been together for almost a year and half and i have recieved 4 rings from him (none with diamonds mind you, but all with gems). I think he has spend close to 1000$ in rings alone for me so far and he still has 10 more years to go lol.
good luck!
2006-09-18 14:34:03 · answer #7 · answered by ziggunerin 4 · 1⤊ 3⤋
if people waited until after they were married to start a family then there wouldnt be all this messing about. HE said if YOU leave he wont go after you. so why feel insecure. unless your thinking of leaving him.
2006-09-18 14:33:55 · answer #8 · answered by KATIEKAT 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
EVEN IF HE ASKS FOR YOUR HAND IN MARRIAGE DOESNT MEAN HE WILL MARRY YOU ANYTHING CAN GO WRONG IF YOU PUSH HIM TO MUCH YOU MAY PUSH HIM AWAY IF HE REALLY WANTED TO MARRY YOUHE WOULD OF DID IT BEFORE THE BABY WAS BORN EITHER YOU STICK IT OUT OR WALK UNTIL HE IS READY TO POP THE ?
2006-09-18 14:36:29 · answer #9 · answered by teresa d 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I understand you wanting to have a commitment, but he has to want it too. It won't mean anything if you force it, (men can be married or engaged and not committed)
Everyone has fights, me and my husband have yelling matches sometimes!
2006-09-18 14:32:28 · answer #10 · answered by butterfliesbrown 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋