how do you stop- the hate you hold for your ex-husband to be?

Question

I separated from my husband of 11 years before mental abuse.
I feel pain and hurt everyday since the separation 3months about, I continue to think about all the things he does to hurt me and it hurt badly. I need to know and stop the hate I hold for him because as long as I hold this feeling he has control over me. please tell me if anyone know exactly HOw do you stop hatting a person who has hurt you so deeply that you think about bad thought. How do you stop the hatred.

Answer 1

Hate is like baggage. You carry it around with you wherever you go and it weighs you down. I had my own baggage before and just decided that it was too much for me to carry, so I put it down and walked away from it. Sounds corny, but it worked for me.

Answer 2

Forgive him with all your heart and move on peacefully with your new life without him. That is the only and surest way out from your harbored feelings of hatred and anger for your ex-husband.

See him as a man with weaknesses the same way that you see yourself as an imperfect human being. In that light, try to understand him for having been like that to you when you were together and then, with an enlightened mind, forgive him honestly.

Don't keep yourself busy with his thoughts for you are not harming him but yourself because it will make you feel depressed and angry for being a victim of an unfair relationship. Past is past and let it be buried with the passing time. Live in your present with the hope that someday, somehow, the right man you truly deserve will come your way and really help you forget all those bad memories that you have regarding your ex-husband. All the best. Good luck.

Answer 3

This is weird. I am going through some things with my soon to be ex-husband also. I dropped off papers to my attorney yesterday to file by the end of this week. I too am hurting like you wouldn't believe. (of course you would) The more you let it out, the better you will feel. But the catch is to let it out to God. Tell God everything. Yes He already know, but the power is in when He hears it from you. I went to church on Sunday and had my pastor pray for me to have strength. The day before, my husband was at his sisters house most likely with another woman in the room he was sleeping. His sister didn't want me to go into the bedroom to talk with him or anything. My heart fell out of my chest and was tossed acrossed the room. I had no strength to pick it up. But now, through the Grace of God, I am getting my strength. I still cry and I still think things I shouldn't (like you may be), but the fact is, I am getting through this. And best believe you will too. I have 3 adorable little girls. We deserve better than him and God has plans to give it to us. He has plans for you too. Just be strong. Pray about everything. Get into a church study group, read your bible about certain topics like anger, hurt, hate, love, and peace. The road will be long and hard, but you will finish it happy and strong.

God Bless and I will pray for you to have courage, strength and wisdom.

Answer 4

See a therapist. You don't have to go forever, but you need to get some coping mechanisms and learn to release the hard feellings. When you are hurt and you feel resentment like that it permeates every part of your life. The last thing in the world that you should let someone like that do to you is win again by making you unhappy after he's gone. Don't let him get the best of you again.

Answer 5

By focusing your attention on the future, not the past. Don't you feel more relaxed now that he's not in your life? Isn't it like a sigh of relief? Nobody picking on you now? Nobody theatening you and making you feel bad about yourself?

Turn your attentions on those things. Think about how it's probably getting better every day... maybe you're getting some confidence back? If not, you will, so look forward to it.

He's not worth the effort to hate.

Answer 6

First off....life is too short to hold onto hatred for a man who is nothing but an asshole anyway.
Next, I have been where you are and it took me a long time to learn what I just told you in the first paragraph.
It isn't easy to do....but it is so totally worth it when you can one day realize that he is not in your every waking thought and that you can actually hear his name or even think about him once in awhile and he is nothing more than a passing thought...similar to the thought you might give to seeing a dead possum laying beside the road as you pass by in your car.
You start off by thanking your lucky stars that you had the good sense to get away from him when you did.
Then, you rejoice in the fact that you still have your sanity and your life. (There are alot of abused women who were not so lucky...either at the hands of their abuser or their own hand out of desperation)
If you have children, love them unconditionally, and spend every day giving thanks that you were able to get them away from this abusive relationship before it affected them severally. Watch them to make sure you have a heads up on any problems that may rear up in their actions and temperments in their day to day actions and relationships, as this may need to be addressed with some counseling for them before it gets out of hand.
Always remember that every dog has its day and that what goes around comes around....and he too will get his. Enjoy counting the days until that happens. It really is cause for celebration when it happens!!
But, lastly, remember that each day that you are away from him will get easier as you no longer are a victim of his abuse. Each of those days too will be a blessing.
Be thankful for your strength...because you definiely have that for being able to leave before the abuse became mental and possibly (and probably) physical. You also are a very strong person in that you came to Yahoo Answers to request advice from people who may also have been in and through similar relationships. There is strength in numbers and you will see from the answers you will probably receive, that you are not alone. Many of us have been there, and many of us have left and survived, and you too will survive this.
WE ARE WOMEN..HEAR US ROAR...IN NUMBERS TOO BIG TO IGNORE!!!!!
If you still would like to talk more, please email me. I am here for you if you need to talk at any time.

Answer 7

Therapy for starters. Also you might want to look at what hating him is doing to you. You are still giving him the power to continue to control your life. You need to forgive him. Not for his sake but for yours. Do you have to see him? No. Should you tell him you forgive him for making your life a living h3ll? No. Should you get back at him by having the best life you can? Yes. That would be the best form of revenge and it would make your life happier. It's about you, not him.

By hating him you are putting too much energy into him. You are going to feel pain, you are going to feel hurt. You need to find out who you are. Once you find out who you are, you can have your revenge by being happy.

Answer 8

OK here we go.
GOD CHANGES Everything AND EVERY BODY.
I'm not one to preach, but i can say i have truly been there. furthermore i am not (overly religious.)
i prayed hard to get pass it and on with my life.
my prayer were answer and not by another man. it has been three years now.
i had to re-enter the work world. i was depressed, angry, and afraid. i prayed and stead up on my feet. now i smile everyday, just brought a new home, and have room in my life for someone new.
i forgive myself for putting up with the abuse and nothing he can say or do will ever control anything about me again. and if you are wondering,,i don't stop hem from seeing his child. when i let it go,
i found me

Answer 9

i don't really know, i hated my ex, really deply hated her, it was like a poison, and i was forced to focus that hatred during the divorce against her to win, once i won i still had that hatred, i think i acquired more of it during the divorce, but by this time i actually learned to focus it, i used this hatred to power me and to focus my energies toward building something till i expended it all in rebuilding my life, i no longer hate her, just have simple contempt for her.

i know, building a life based on hatred is very wrong, but that hatred has fueled me to build something good, a good life that i can be happy with and my daughter can be happy with

Answer 10

Been there done that.. Ten years.. I stop letting that pain control my life. I am somebody! you have to reach down inside and find yourself worth..You have to find inner peace. Prayer daily kept me and brought be out of the strong hold he had on my life.. I wanted to live, I wanted peace. I wanted to release ALL the BS he kept going for years as long as you keep living in it.. he is still controlling you