I have to incredible best friends. But one of them does something almost every night that hurts my feelings. All three of us usually talk to each other on instant messanger, but eventually she seems to say 'im going to bed, i'll ttyl'. But the thing is, she doesnt. She stays on for sometimes 20-30 minutes, once even an hour. I figured she was just leaving her computer on while she got ready for bed, but I found out later she still talks to everybody else. So i thought maybe she was planning on going to bed but somebody brought something up, so then i try to start talking to her again. But then she says something short, and usually includes 'bye' or 'goodnight' or 'ttyl' in it. Example: hey do you want to do anything tomorrow? idk bye. So its like she specifically doesnt want me to talk to her. I know its strange, but it hurts my feelings. I know she isnt a fake friend, she is one of the best friends ive ever had, but it does hurt that this happens so much. What should I do?
2006-09-18 13:34:03 · 18 answers · asked by HALO-BRAWL 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
I think that your gut feelings are correct- she is ignoring you & continuing to talk to others & is being short w/you so that she doesn't have to continue talking to you.
Honestly, it sounds like the main reason she is being your friend is because you both share mutual friends & fears alienation (being dissed) by your other friends if she doesn't stay friends w/you.
Despite what you said, she IS being a fake friend because she's pretending to be friends w/you in order not to make her other friends upset w/her. If she were really your friend & as good of a friend as you claim she is, she wouldn't be treating you this way. IE: Pretending to go offline, yet actually just blowing you off because she doesn't want to talk to you. If she were your friend, she wouldn't just blow you off like this & she would give you a reason for why she's doing this.
Also, when you come online, who initiates the IM's first? YOU or her? If it's YOU who are initiating them first the majority of the time, then you have your answer there.
If you really do feel that she is your friend, then you need to talk to her about it. If she's really your friend, she'll be willng to hear you out. If she gets defensive & becomes angry or upset w/you, right there it says that she has no regards for your feelings & so, you know that she's not actually your friend. Try talking to her about this. Ask why it is she does that. If she acts like she doesn't know what you're talking about or becomes defensive, then again, you know right off the bat that she's guilty of blowing you off.
Also, you could try fighting fire w/fire. Try blowing her off for a change. Maybe she'll get the hint & realize how it feels.
Though, I seriously doubt that she'll care because honestly, she doesn't seem like much of a friend. You could do w/o friends like that, hon.
Good luck!
2006-09-18 13:47:34 · answer #1 · answered by Wild Rose 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Look let's get something straight, someone like that is not a friend. You say that you were best friends for a long time...but here is the thing, sometimes people change and not for the better. Maybe you have accomplished something that she hasn't, or have something that she wants. A real friend wouldn't treat you like that, no matter what is going on. So stop trying to make excuses for the way that she treats you, you need to invite her over and talk to her. Bring up that about the messenger, and ask her why she's doing that. If she don't wanna talk to you, then just ask her to tell you. You don't have to be kissing *** to have good friends, if she don't wanna talk to you, just forget her and move on. Find you another best friend, it's hard to let go of a good friendship, but if your friend does not put the same amount of effort that you put into it than it can't be a friendship. Just talk to her and things should get better, be it with her or without her...Good Luck!
2006-09-18 13:56:21 · answer #2 · answered by Myra G 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, I say don't take it personal. She may have some male friends she wants to talk to. One of my best friends is my cousin and I feel comfortable talking to her about most things but not everything. I wouldn't want to hurt her feelings to say right now I'd rather be talking to my husband(my best best friend) about this so I just tell her "I gotta go" or "I'll talk to you later" and make up an excuse. Do you understand what I'm saying? Maybe she talks to other people about stuff you guys don't talk about and maybe that nice guy she met on line is only available to talk to her at night. I don't think she's being rude because everyone is entitled to their own space. She could've said "leave my alone" "you get on my nerves" or just ignore you. Just remember all of her time doesn't belong to just you. Good luck
2006-09-18 13:46:46 · answer #3 · answered by tawny 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you ever thought she has more friends than just you and the other girl?She was done with the IM with you two and wants to talk to some other friends before going to bed.Your over reacting,Next time you talk to her ask her to say that she's going to talk to some other friends before turning in for the night instead of I'm going to bed now,then stays on the computer.That way you won't get your feelings hurt cause she wants to talk to someone else.
2006-09-18 13:41:03 · answer #4 · answered by master_der_man 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would not confront her. I think you are being unreasonably overly sensitive about this. I don't mean to sound snide, but her life does not revolve around you. You wanting to be an audience does not demand that she entertain you.
And when you say she talks to everyone else, perhaps you exaggerate some. Yes?
I would bet she values your friendship and enjoys talking with you. But, she might like to focus her attention on a few people at a time, rather than trying to communicate with several people at once.
Friendship is great. But, allow your friend to allot her time as she sees fit. Do not take it as an insult.
I would be offended if you were to tell me your complaint. Don't make her feel slave to your friendship.
2006-09-18 13:45:35 · answer #5 · answered by Gin Martini 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well i do the same thing and i like talking to other people too...i would not really let it bother me to much...i am sure you can find something else to do too...you might let her try and get a hold of you for a change...you can be busy too...and hopefully she is a good friend..i have had best friends do me real wrong...but hopefully this is not the case...and a lot of times a person does not know what they are going to do tomorrow...they take one day at a time...i make plans sometimes and they never work out...so i just wait and see.....i would not take this to heart unless she really does something to really hurt or betray you...
2006-09-18 13:39:24 · answer #6 · answered by sanangel 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When we say "friend", it is the person whom we like, trust, confide . From the dictionary "A person with whom one is allied in a struggle or cause; a comrade.
One who supports, sympathizes with, or patronizes a group, cause, or movement"
You must have an open line communication especially when it comes to your feelings towards each other. Honesty should always be present in every relationship especially in friendship. We consider our friend as our shoulder to lean on, in sad and happy moments of our lives. So try to talk to her, tell her how you really feel about this issue.
2006-09-18 13:46:14 · answer #7 · answered by Bartypurple lass 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you thought, that maybe she would prefer to converse with others as she is constantly with you daily etc.How long have you been friends. I have to admit I have friend that is constantly asking what where and who. A loverly person but unfortunatly
can be very annoying in moments .
There are times when friends require a break from each other.
It may seem silly but it's true.
2006-09-18 13:42:57 · answer #8 · answered by aotea s 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A couple of my friends do that too, but because she is your best friend confront her. Tell her how much it hurts you and tell her how you feel about it. I'd definitely confront her if I were you, that is the only way to solve the issue.
2006-09-18 13:37:50 · answer #9 · answered by winds_of_justice 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
she shouldnt lie to you thats for sure.
but my best friends and i never talk when were online. unless its like a quick update on something thats happening. and were okay with that becuase we talk during the day. if it hurts your feelings then yes confront her becuase maybe she has a reason for doing it.
good luck
Jordyn♥
2006-09-18 13:37:01 · answer #10 · answered by Jordan Alexis 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋