ok i need to know how this is for a first paragraph? i don't want u 2 do my work just help me and criticit plz

Question

The first world countries are the countries that are the most industrialized. This would include a higher GDP per capita than $15,000. There are not quit as many countries in the “first world” as the “second world”, for the requirements are quit hard to achieve. This section of the world includes North America, Canada, and Western Europe; the first world also includes other industrialized capitalist countries such as Japan and some of the former British colonies, particularly Australia, and New Zealand.

Answer 1

Rather than say North America; I would say in North America and leave Canada included in North America.

Answer 2

Are you being graded on the amount of words? See if this reads a little easier.

The first world countries are the countries that are the most industrialized. This would include a GDP per capita greater than $15,000. There are fewer “first world” countries as compared to “second world”, due to the higher requirements needed to referred to as a "first world" country. First world countries are in North America, Western Europe, Japan, Australia, and New Zealand.

I would include a few more requirements of the first world and then go on.

Answer 3

My Suggestions:

Reword the following:
"This would include a higher GDP per capita than $15,000."

To:
This would include countries with a per capita GDP of $15,000 or higher.

Correct spelling:
"quit" in the phrase, "There are not quit as many countries..."

Should be:
"quite"

Reword the following:
"There are not quit as many countries in the “first world” as the “second world”,..."

To
"There are not quite as many countries in the “first world” as there are in the “second world”,..."

Remove redundant word:
In the phrase "the first world also includes other industrialized capitalist countries such as..." you do not need the word "capitalist". The word industrialized is enough to explain your point.

Rest is fine.

Answer 4

Actually , I would recommend more of an introductory statement stating the purpose of your essay. It seems like you are just diving into it without stating your purpose, which not clear -- maybe it is about industrialization? It is a good idea to start with a statement like: In this essay I will examine the the reasons ........

Obviously , use spell check. and don't get sidetracked by that socialism comment, most First world countries are socialist to some degree and being socialist does not mean a country can't be "first world" and highly industrialized.

Answer 5

First of all it's QUITE not QUIT.
Not sure about the capitalist part. Aren't some of the countries in Europe Socialist?

Answer 6

Very good. Only change would be that you left the "e" off of quite in the second sentence.

Answer 7

Oh excellent! This is so much better than the last one.

"countries are the ones that are"

try meet instead of achieve

You go Girl!

Answer 8

umm sound ok except for the quit thing bcuz its supposed to b quite but it sounds about rite, but im not very good at essays