me and my ex split 8 weeks ago, and he just cant stop lying, i still care about him and dont want him to get hurt or anyone else by his lying, i also want him to repsect girls a bit more, ive just found out that hes even lying and cheating on the girl he cheated on me with, how can i stop him from lying i still care about him, and dont want him to ruin his or another girls life. what can i do?
p.s i dont want ne comment about our relationship, i just wanna know how i can help him
2006-09-18 12:34:21 · 35 answers · asked by vicky s 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
we are still mates surprisingly we ended on good terms, i really wanna help him as i dont want him to do suitn stupid if his life really ***** up
2006-09-18 12:39:10 · update #1
he never used to lie efore its only since we broke up its become a problem
2006-09-18 12:40:08 · update #2
and i have moved on i already have a new f, i just still care for him as a friend and i know him best better than anyone else, i just dont want him 2 do sutin stupid if his lying does backfire
2006-09-18 12:43:00 · update #3
I dont think you can help him. I would suggest letting him go. It is a condition with some people... compulsive lying. They cant stop and until they realize that they are ruining their lives and other people around them, then you cant help him. I would suggest possibly writing him a note... dont talk to him directly because he might just lie again to your face.. .convince you he doesnt lie and so on and so forth. Tell him you are concerned about him. If it doenst work then I would let it go.
2006-09-18 12:36:53 · answer #1 · answered by Sarah 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You can't help him. Us women try to "fix" problems all the time and men aren't one that we should even TRY to "fix"!
He's not stupid, I'm sure about that - he knows what he is doing. He makes a concious decision to do everything he has done - right or wrong.
You probably see the good over the bad in him, but he is an ex for a good reason (I'm sure you're seeing that now that he's cheated on the girl he cheated with you on - it's a cycle).
Move on and out of his life. Quit trying to fix his problems, he's old enough to know better and will never learn if everything is fixed for him.
Concentrate your attention on somebody that you don't have to fix - it's much easier and less stressful!
2006-09-18 12:44:57 · answer #2 · answered by InnerBeauty28 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Compulsive lying is a mental disorder and 1) he needs to acknowledge he has a problem, and 2) he needs to get therapy for it. You can't force him to do either. Even if you are a psychologist or a psychiatrist, you can't give him therapy because of your personal relationship with him. You can't help him. Let it go and move on.
Here's what healthdiaries.com says about compulsive lying:
Compulsive Lying
Compulsive lying, or pathological lying, is a common disorder often caused by low self-esteem and a need for attention. Often, the liar does not realize how often he or she is lying because it becomes second nature. Compulsive lying alienates friends and loved ones and often brings about the opposite of what the liar wants: instead of getting the attention they often crave, they end up pushing people away. With therapy, many people can overcome their compulsion to lie and salvage their interpersonal relationships before it is too late.
2006-09-18 12:45:20 · answer #3 · answered by LadyLgl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can not make someone do anything. The only person you can control is yourself. I am sorry if that is not what you were looking for. As much as he may act like a child, he is not one. So he has to want to stop lying to you. Maybe you should really try and figure out why you "care" so much for someone, who doesn't care for you or respects you. If you believe that he does, you are lying to yourself. It is time to cut your losses and move on before you get further emotional attached. he is not worth your peace of mind. Do you really think he is writing Yahoo for help on how to stop lying?
2006-09-18 12:39:16 · answer #4 · answered by upfromnutin 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
How does the saying go? --Once a liar - always a liar! You probably won't be able to stop your ex from lying, so if his "new" girlfriend puts up with it, it's really not in your hands. Try to get on with your life and you'll eventually meet someone who is trust worthy, kind, truthful and you'll love him for it. Forget this other fellow. He's having a wonderful time hurting other people and eventually he'll wind up all a-l-o-n-e. No one will bother with him.
2006-09-18 12:45:11 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your relationship is over, as you stated he is your 'ex' so there's no need to comment on that.
None of us controls other people. Once they are seven or eight years old, it requires cooperation to get people to do things, and that involves paying attention to what they want and working from that perspective.
If your ex doesn't want to do the things you mention, I'm afraid there is nothing you can do about it; this might be a good time to take care of yourself and help yourself in any way you can so that you can move on with your life.
2006-09-18 12:38:58 · answer #6 · answered by nora22000 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You can't help him someone else will probably but right now it is obviously the way he wants to live his life and that's not for you to fix or change ....If you have split as you say then just step away and let him learn for himself by his own mistakes...Eventually he will find someone he cares sooo much about that he wont want to lie to them or he'll get caught lying and learn a hard lession
2006-09-18 12:39:38 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have no control over his lying. You only have control over how you react to his lying. I won't make any comments about your relationship because you already seem to realize that you need to take a large step away from this man and, for some reason, you are unable to. Get on with your life and try your best to not involve yourself in his life any longer.
2006-09-18 12:40:09 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry for you in a way because there is no way for you to stop him from lying, he has to want to stop on his own and from what I have learned over the years about the male sex is that "If it is working for him why would he want to stop" It's just life, maybe when he gets older and actually finds the girl that makes his heart stop, then he may stop but, until he is ready to be right, he can not be helped, have you ever heard that old saying: "They have to want to help themselves before anyone could can help them" You may end up being the love of his life but, for now, for the moment he has to do it for himself before he does it for you, you can drag a horse to water but you can not make the horse drink that water, he has to be thirsty.....It's sort of like that...I do wish you well in trying, just do not get yourself hurt in the process....
2006-09-18 12:41:45 · answer #9 · answered by Lil Angel 68 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hit him with all the facts that uve discovered about him lying!! the embarassment that hes not invincible should let him know that ur not soft and can see right thru him good luck ur a very caring person to even try and help him xxxx
2006-09-18 12:38:42 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋