Husband and I fought tonight. He continues to be angry about having 2nd child.?

Question

My husband has been in an ongoing state of gloom since I decided to keep our 2nd baby. I'm about 15 weeks pregnant and almost had an abortion a few weeks ago. Tonight he said, "You need to do something to show you really care about what I'm going through now. You won't put my name on the deed, so figure something else out." Can anyone think of something I could do to make him happy? My mother gave me the apartment after my husband and I were married, and it has allowed us the opportunity to stay in the city he wants to live in. But she gave it to me, expressly saying he should not be on the deed. What other thing of that magnitude can I do to make it up to him to win his trust back? He doesn't trust me anymore, and every day together is barely tolerable. He criticizes me constantly and doesn't seem to care whether he's affecting our son or the unborn child. I'm so lost! I love him and don't know what to do to make him see that.

Answer 1

ok, first of all in most states whether his name is on the deed or not it was an asset aquired after the marriage and he's entittled to half.. so just cause ur mom doesnt want him on the deed, it doesnt mean much, if u get a divorce, and it is a common wealth state, then he's entitled to half of what the place is worth , ur mother wasnt thinking, she should of kept the place in her name cause either u will have to sell it and give him half, or u will have to give him half of what its worth in cash.. so his name on the deed wont matter either way..

He sounds like he's depressed , i think u need to take him to the doctors and see if they can give him something for his depression.. and im glad ur keeping ur baby, cause it sounds to me , ur husband is going to more then likely abandon u down the road, sorry, but being truthful.. if he doesnt get his act together soon, he's sounding like a little boy trapped in a mans body and thats what they do, they leave when things dont go their way.. So if u live in a common law state, (check into it) then go ahead and his name on the deed if it will make him happy cause it wont matter anyways.. if its not.. DONT DO IT.. at this point he's acting like a spoiled little brat and u need to worry about protecting ur kids if he's having a meltdown and spinning out of control..

Answer 2

Don't put his name on the deed. It's your inheritance and he has no right to it. Sad to say, but these days so many marriages end in divorce, that you have to protect your money in case it happens to you. It's not true to say that just because you're married, he will get half anyway - that depends on the laws in the state or country where you reside.

Why doesn't he trust you? Did you get pregnant deliberately, even though he didn't want a second child? If so, then I can't blame him for being angry - you should be ashamed of yourself! Marriage is about making joint decisions, especially about something as important as this. And if he doesn't have much money, he may be genuinely concerned how you are going to afford this child, as well as feeling betrayed.

However now that you ARE pregnant, I can understand why you want to keep it. There may be nothing you can do, except hope that he hangs around long enough to see it born, then he may fall in love with his new baby and forgive you - but only you know how paternal he is. If it didn't happen with the first one, it won't happen with this one.

Have you apologised properly? There's a big difference between saying "I'm sorry you feel that way about what happened" and "I'm sorry, I didn't realise you'd be so upset, I wish I could undo it". The first one says that you don't really regret what you did, you're just sorry he got upset about it. The second one is the true apology. It can make a big difference.

Answer 3

Your husband seems very upset about the deed. Was there a reason why your mom said to not put his name on the deed? Is she still alive? Why would you even consider to keep him off?

Here is how I see it. The two of you are married. Anything that comes into the relationship is both of yours. The apartment/house that your mom gave you should be both of yours. His name should be put on the deed. Your mom had no right to put strings on the "gift". He seems to have good reason to be upset about it! You are married! I believe a trip together to the deed company would be a good way to win his trust back. Make it something special (maybe with dinner) and ask him to forgive you for not doing this sooner.

Your mom will just have to deal with your decision - it's a matter of keeping your marriage together.

Also... Get some counseling. Being able to hash things out with a unbiased 3rd party will give the two of you alot of insight in how to be communicating properly with eachother.

Good luck dear.. I hope it all works out!

(Sit down with your husband after the deed has been changed and ask him about what is really holding him back about the baby... you might find he is more keen on the idea now!)

Answer 4

Whatever you do, don't put his name on the deed!
Your mother must have had reservations about your husband to ask you not too.

What I'm not understanding is why he's not happy about having a child. He enjoyed having the sex and knew a child might be created. You'll be the one going through the uncomfortableness for 9 mos. and the pain at the end, and doing most the work of taking care of the child, you're the Mother. What is he going to do to make a better life for you and the children?

Does he want out of the marriage or something? If so, that would explain him wanting you to do something for him.

A normal response when married and having another child is excitement, planning, and preparing together a good life and bigger family. Not making you feel like you owe him something for getting you pregnant.

His attitude is a bit selfish and extremely strange.
You might want to get some family counseling to work through things.

Good luck to you.

Answer 5

Your husband is very selfish and if he truly cared about you and your son and your unborn child he would not be asking for anything from you to prove your love and devotion to him. I was married 14 years to a selfish man like him and left him and have not been this happy in years. The initial break is hard but you will find that you and your children will be happier in the long run. If you stay with him he may take it out on the child that is unborn and make that baby's life miserable. Keep your mother's wishes do not put him on the deed. You may love him and it may break your heart to leave him but you need to do what is best for you and your children and your heart will heal with time and you will eventually move on maybe with someone that appreciates you and your children for who you are and not what you will give them or prove to them. stay strong and good luck. There is no way your husband can say he truly loves you unconditionally with the behavior he is showing meaning you are the one giving everything in the relationship and he is taking everything. Cut your losses and say goodbye.

Answer 6

I'm sorry, but it sounds like he had no say in the decision to conceive the second baby. I don't blame him for being resentful. It should be a decision made by both people, not just you. I don't think it's right of him to demand an abortion, but to feel resentment for being excluded from the decision to conceive is somewhat understandable. I don't know if he didn't feel ready to support a second child, or what his reasons were for not wanting another one - but whatever they were, you must have been aware of them. Truthfully, I don't see anything wrong with him wanting to have his name on the deed; if I lived in a house with my husband and took care of the family, I would want my name on the deed too. Sounds to me like there are some fundamental mistrust issues going on between you two that run deeper than the name on the deed or the unwanted pregnancy. It's in your best interest to try to address these issues, and not just the symptoms. You can't "prove" him you trust him when you really don't.

Answer 7

My husband was the same way with my son (3rd). Men tend to look at the financial situation more than anything. To us, the finances can be great; to them we are struggling. It's a no win battle. Having a baby whether you are married or not, you are having the baby for you. If you stay together or seperate, the baby is still momma's. As long as you feel in your heart this is the right thing that "you" want, then the hell with him. He will get over it or get on. Far as his name on the deed, you are married and what's yours is "technically" his as well. Do what is in your heart. God tells us everyday what we should do. Being a wife is not easy task. Everyday is harder than before. Follow your heart and let Divine Order handle it all.

Answer 8

Hmm. Interesting marriage.

He doesn't want a child he created with you. You decided to keep the child even though he doesn't want it. You don't trust him enough to put his name on the deed of a property that you own personally. He's trying to emotionally blackmail you into adding his name.

He doesn't trust you? No surprise considering you obviously do not trust him.

You love him? I doubt it. Maybe according to your warped sense of what love is.

BTW: Your married. Doesn't matter if his name is on the deed or not. If it's in your name (and not in a trust) he'd still get half of it if he divorced you. So you're sacrificing your relationship for a false sense of security.

You've got some major problems. Too bad you are unwilling to look at or see the real issues.

Answer 9

Was this a planned pregnancy? Obviously not, if you were considering having an abortion. But my question to you is, did you discuss with your husband about wanting to have another child? You may not have thought about it at the time, but did either of you take extra safety measures to prevent this? I understand that your mother gave you the apartment and stated that she didn't want your husband to be on the deed, but in all honesty, who are you married too...your mother or your husband? I can understand why your husband is upset, it appears to me that you are making decisions in life without consulting with him first. When in a marriage, it is no longer about you, but about the two of you. I understand you want to respect your mothers wishes, but if you love and respect your husband, you will have to make some sacrifices. Take the time to reevaluate what is truly important to you, and the answer will come.

Answer 10

Whatever made you agree to your mother's requirement? No man likes to feel like a kept man. It's an insult to his masculinity. I'm surprised he hasn't insisted that the family move out and into a house that is in both of your names. Your actions have driven a huge wedge between you and your husband and you will probably lose him unless you do something to make it right. If you own the place free and clear, you need to either put his name on the deed, or sell it and buy a home that belongs to both of you. The fact is that legally he is entitled to 50% of the equity in the apartment from the time you were married anyway, so not having his name on the deed does nothing for you and has only made your situation worse. You need to to decide if your husband is more important to you than your mother.