What is it exactly that i do?

Question

I just had a baby almost 3 weeks ago. My babys father, who lives in the same household does not understand why i am so tired and why i cant find time to clean up the house. He doesnt sleep in the room with the baby and i so he doesnt understand that i have to wake up and feed the baby and the baby only wakes up twice a night, so what it is that im doing that makes me so tired? I know what it is, but how do i explain that to him?

Answer 1

Suggest to him that you need to go to a good family counsler!

Answer 2

I asked my husband to respond to this since he saw this with the birth of our daughter in January.

First off, the baby's mother has gone though alot. Her body is physically exhausted and it needs rest. Second, the baby's mother is not getting good sleep because she is sleeping lightly waiting for the baby's first cry in the night so she can attend to the baby. The baby's mother is, maybe, getting four or five hours of continuous sleep before it is interrupted... no long term uninterrupted sleep. The baby is the first priority, since she can not feed herself or change her own diapers... the baby is dependent on her mother. In reality, the mother should be sleeping whenever the baby is sleeping. The last thing you should expect is for all of the household chores to be completed like they were before the pregnancy.

From looking at your earlier posts, we see that you are living in his family's home. We are surprised that his grandmother has not tried to make him be more helpful with his child. You have a very difficult situation, living in this situation and providing care to his grandmother. He needs to grow up, and share in the resposibilities.

Good luck.

Answer 3

Explain to him that if he can poop out a bowling ball, then be back feeling his usual, cheerful (!) self in 3 weeks, then you'll do his job and he can do yours.

Your hormones are going through the biggest change they ever have, and your body has just finished GROWING A FREAKING PERSON!

Sweetie, I don't know how to say this, but please, the things he is saying sound so much like the beginning of a lifetime of emotional abuse and control. Please be careful.

Stay in close touch with your friends and family, and discuss the things he says to you and then, LISTEN to the other people who love you, because any man who can be making these kinds of demands does not have you or the baby as a primary concern!

I say this because I remember similar comments after my first, and before long, I knew I was a lazy slob, useless and worthless. (Well, it took years.) But it starts - it ALWAYS starts - with "Why can't you do what I want you to do?" It's a classic sign of a manipulative abuser. Be careful.
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Answer 4

I had the same problem when my first was born although it was my bf at the time that didnt understand. I made a deal with him. I said if you watch the baby tonight, I'll clean the house tomorrow. Needless to say he got the point on why I was so tired all the time.

Answer 5

You could try putting the baby in the room with him and when he asks what the h... you're doing, calmly tell him that you are letting him have an idea of what you do every night and all day. Be prepared for him to tell you to get the baby. Tend to the baby, but then put the baby back to sleep in hubbys room. I did this after I had my 2nd baby (1st isn't his) and my husband figured it out after the 3rd night of being woke up constantly.

Answer 6

Put the baby monitor in his room for a night and see how well he sleeps. Have his mother call him and tell him what a pain he was as a baby. Maybe that will help!

Answer 7

Men have no idea ! If God actually thought they could handle it, they would have been the ones to carry and take care of the baby. Tell him that your priority right now is the baby, then yourself, nothing else matters right now, so some help would be beneficial. Explain that you can't feel rested when your sleep is constantly being "interrupted". Be sure to eat and drink well, and get as much sleep as you can....and the laundry and housework can wait....wait until he does it ! ! !

Answer 8

Tell him he should put up his share of taking care of the baby, then u wouldnt be so tired. Men wouldnt know not unless they experience being up all night, or having to get up 2-3x a night to comfort the crying baby. If he's not willing to do that, then tell him to zip up.

Answer 9

Make him keep the baby for a night or two. Not only are you haviing to get up in the night, you just went through months of wear and tear on your body, and labor. So tell him to shove it and hire a house keeper if he is not satisfied with your abilities.

Answer 10

Did anyone ever talk to you about hemodilution?

Feeling tired, exhausted, fatigued, getting short of breath and experiencing dizzy spells can all be symptomatic of anemia. Anemia is defined as "a condition in which there is an abnormally low proportion of red corpuscles in the blood, treated by Desiccated liver pills. However, it may be difficult to assess if you are anemic or not, as many of the associated symptoms are symptoms typically associated with the state of pregnancy anyway. The blood count your doctor routinely checks will
reflect the late stage of anemia. You may still be deficient in iron even though your blood count is reading as normal.
If you do think you are anemic, consult your doctor about checking the ferritin level in your blood. This particular type of test is more accurate in the measurement of iron stores in your tissues. If the test reveals a low ferritin level (less than 20), it may be indicative that your tissues are being deprived of iron. This can be tiring for the mother and unhealthy for the baby.
On the other hand, the hemoglobin that your doctor measures may suggest you are anemic when, in fact, you are not. Due to the normal increase in fluid volume in your blood during pregnancy, "hemodilution" occurs, possibly showing lower values of hemoglobin than before you were pregnant.
It is normal for hemoglobin levels to fall during pregnancy. In days gone by, iron was routinely prescribed during pregnancy, but it is now known that can be harmful.
Women who do suffer from anemia during pregnancy are less able to deal with heavy bleeding at the time of birth and are more prone to infection. To compensate for this condition, be sure to incorporate more iron-rich foods, protein, B vitamins (most notably B12), and vitamin C. Additionally, speak with your doctor about taking the folic acid supplement. All of these nutrients are essential to your blood's ability to carry oxygen to all the tissues in your body.
Besides this, your body chemistry was all jumbled up during pregnancy and is trying to get back to normal. So being tired is not the ultimate factor here. You may also experience bouts of depressions, crankiness and anger. So watch out Mr. Boyfriend, you can be hurt during these bouts the courts call "temporary insanity!")

Answer 11

let him sleep in the room with the baby for a night