we have 4 kids and i love her so much but she says she never loved me...
2006-09-18 11:01:01 · 25 answers · asked by surge p 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Why fight for someone who does not love u nor want u? It will be a complete waste of time. It takes 2 to make a marriage work but in this case, she chose to go. I know it's hard but right now u need to focus on your children and move on with your life. U can't control what your wife does. She is her own person and unfortunately, she chose out. The only way for u now is "through" and "forward".
2006-09-18 11:04:33 · answer #1 · answered by cheetah7 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is not enough detail here for a good answer. Did anything happen between the 2 of you? Fights, domestic violence, other affairs, abuse or separated for a long period of time? Did you get married because of a child? There are so many typical reasons and many untypical. For example if you have 3 boys and 1 girl and your wife was abused at the age your daughter just turned then it is possible that she feels that she can no longer take care of the child, which causes her to leave. Some women go through this. Or it might be that she has lost emotion for some reason and feels that she can start over in a new and better life. Are your children grown? She might feel that she can leave now that they are grown or older. If she is not willing to work it out then dont try to hard. If she cares give her time and she will come back. Question is will you want her if she came back? Good luck
2006-09-18 18:11:38 · answer #2 · answered by GRISSIOM PURE GENIUS 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She must of loved you at one point if she stayed with you for 17 years. I know time can tear people apart and people change the way they feel. What went wrong, were you two fighting alot about things, Find out if you did something that pushed her away, like was there times that she tryed to tell you whats on her mind and you ended up just not hearing her out, so she had enough and left? If you cant think of anything, than you need to face it that she just fell out of love, its one of the worst things i would have to say to anyone, but it does happen. People run away and try to find something that she was missing either it be something new or somthing else. She's always going to be part of your life because of the kids will always conect you. But if she said that this is it, talk to her and see if you did anything wrong and bring up concouling, and if still she says no, the only thing you can do is take it day by day and get over her, go out with friends and be with family to get you through this, you will get through it people do it everyday. I pray you will work things out and whatever happends its for the best.
2006-09-18 18:08:53 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Read the book "Love must be tough" - I thought it was about raising kids and picked it up by accident when I was in a similar situation. The answer is - you can't fight for her. She has moved on and has someone to depend on while devastating a whole family on the other side of the door. What could impress a person like that? And why bother, would you ever trust her again?
Sorry it happened to you. Focus on the kids. Maybe an independent you getting on with your life will be attractive.
2006-09-18 18:09:39 · answer #4 · answered by justwondering 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let her go and keep the kids. As long as this is the whole story and u have not screwed around or beat her, take her to court and take the kids, she will wake up one day a realize what a worthless person she is for abandoning a good man and her children, not to mention all the women u will have after u because women seem to love the guy raising kids.
2006-09-18 18:09:47 · answer #5 · answered by erker34 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stay strong if you can... take the time to heal and move on. Actually the less attached you are right now to trying to make her stay will free her up to really make up her mind if she is torn... but you have to let her go.
I went through a similar situation. I broke up with him because I was so unhappy and I felt that if I tried to force myself to continue our relationship eventually I would cheat, or be on anti depressants... so i felt the right thing to do would be to end the relationship and be honest. It's been hard for both of us... but ultimately I made the right choice. He is doing much better now after counseling and we are doing our best to parent our children with love as two seperate people... our kids are doing fine.
I am happy because I don't have to fake it in my marriage anymore... I had gotten married at a time when I didn't have a lot of self confidence... and as I gained some... I started to see where I went wrong... It was 4 years of toiling over the decision and realization for me... its so hard.
God bless you kind sir.
P.S.
I see a lot of people encouraging you to "keep the kids" I do NOT think that is what is best for the kids. They love their mom no matter what she did... do what is best for your children. Your kids will suffer if they don't get to see or spend adequate time with their mama.
2006-09-18 18:10:37 · answer #6 · answered by Use my Yahoo! Avatar 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She obviously used you, friend, and she wants to begin a new life without the kids and you around. What a BUMMER!
I say let it go. She's worthless to you and the kids now, anyway. What good would come from getting the B****h back?
Hire a young au pair to care for the kids,and keep on truckin! ( That's TRUCKIN', for you idiots who can't read yet!)
Good luck, you're gonna need lots of it. Start now on an explanation for the kids when they are old enough to understand.
2006-09-18 18:08:19 · answer #7 · answered by seeitmiway32 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You want to fight for someone who lied to you for 17 years. Man, you've got a need for abuse don't you? I'm mostly kidding and really do feel for you. Got to be about the worst thing in the world. Me? I'd tell her she shouldn't let the door hit her in the butt on her way out, grieve all you need to, and then have some fun. You haven't been having fun in the marriage, right?
2006-09-18 18:05:20 · answer #8 · answered by DelK 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do not fight for her... It will only cause you more heartache and pain. Take your children and live your lives.
Her saying she NEVER loved you was probably just a way of trying to hurt you. I'm sure at one point she did, but she may have just fallen out of love.
My advise would be to move on with life. But make sure you take your time to heal that broken heart.
Good luck love.
2006-09-18 18:11:00 · answer #9 · answered by Steph 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You'll never win her back by "fighting for her." You should completely ignore her for a while. When the novelty of the new man wears off, she'll crave to return to the comfort of your relationship.
When she asks to come back, tell her "no." Be firm. Then, when she asks again later, tell her, "Maybe, but let's go to a marriage counselor first." Make her earn her way back, or she won't respect or value you.
The bottom line is: If you are easily available to her, she won't want you; if you are hard to get, she will want you. Only by showing backbone will you earn her respect.
Good luck, bro....
2006-09-18 18:13:17 · answer #10 · answered by ZPE 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋