I have 2 female friends that I feel are both using me for rides. 1 lost her car and licence when she got a DUI and the other is very pregnant and her man has their only car at work, out of town.
I usually don't mind doing the "occasional" favor for friends, but I have been running the one all over town these past few days, and the pregnant one only seems to call or come by when she needs something as well.
I already take care and live with my grandma and am on call 24/7 for her, so maybe I am just over stressed with taking care of others.
I just called and made up a lie to my prego friend as I had told her I would take her to an out of town apt. for a birthing class tommorow, but I just don't feel like it. Not 5 min later the other calls and needs a ride to get her stuff.
They rarely give me gas money or kick down anything else, and of course they can never give me a ride because they don't have cars.
Am I being irrational, or are my feelings valid?
2006-09-18 10:56:21 · 17 answers · asked by maat13101 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
I think I am also feeling guilty, because they do call me only when they really need something, but I've always fealt that help only goes so far and they won't do what they need to do to improve their situation if I am always there to pick them up.
2006-09-18 11:09:02 · update #1
They are also both poor and don't get a lot of money to give me and I use g-ma's car and gas card and they know that.
2006-09-18 11:10:36 · update #2
it sounds like they are taking you for granted...true friends would not do that and you need to communicate to them that their needs are not your responsibility...you didn't knock the one up on a salary that could only afford one vehicle and you didn't booze up the other one and cause her to lose her license...you don't need friends who use you...you shouldn't feel bad about your choices not to help them...and their choices should not cause conflict in your friendship. Good Luck to you.
2006-09-18 11:07:26 · answer #1 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask the one that's pregnant to have her mom, sister, or a relative take her to her class. And the one that lost a DUI needs to take responsibility. My boyfriend hasn't had his license for 6 yrs but has a car. But he's been depending on other people for too long. He always gives me gas because I don't have a job. But I'm also motivating him to get a license and stop depending on people too. So I know how you feel. It's not easy to have a car and the freedom to go places, but be expected to help someone get somewhere.
2006-09-18 18:11:35 · answer #2 · answered by Mel 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your feelings are totally valid.
What a terrific friend you are!
I suggest that you tell them that with gas prices being what they are now you need to conserve energy and won't be able to drive around as freely as you have been.
Maybe they will offer to kick in for gas money. If not, just keep refusing to provide the transportation all the time. They'll get the message sooner or later.
2006-09-18 17:59:31 · answer #3 · answered by Angela 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are as rational and sane as it is possible to be. Got a brother that calls such people "users" and they'll go as long and as far as possible. It would be a good idea if you could not lie and tell them the truth as you've told us. That will give them the chance to shape up or ship out. It's not over stress--but if it is, you've got a right to your feelings and fair is fair. Require that friends be fair to you.
2006-09-18 18:01:48 · answer #4 · answered by DelK 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you really feel this way then perhaps you are, I would frist speak with my friends and let them know how your feeling and go from there. But remember were talking about your friends here , and the saying goes a friend in need is a friend indeed. Good luck!
2006-09-18 18:02:10 · answer #5 · answered by Israel G 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yeah, you're being used. Just flat out say "Sorry, but I can't drive you everywhere you need to go anymore. It is wearing me out, and my primary concern is for my grandmother. What if I'm not able to handle an emergency involving her, if I'm too busy ferrying you around? You'll have to find a way to get about without me."
They probably won't be your friends any more, once they find out that you're serious. But is that really a loss?
2006-09-18 18:02:29 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think u should tell them that u like them a lot but u have other things 2 worry about and u have a life 2.. u just need some time alone
hope it works out
2006-09-18 18:01:33 · answer #7 · answered by christina l 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
So the saying goes "Scratch my back and I"ll scratch yours". It definitely sounds like you are being taken for granted...even a friend should at least offer to help out with gas....put an end to it and tell them to sort out their own lives and spend your time loking after your Gran who needs you.
2006-09-18 18:01:10 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't be used unless you allow it...but it does sound like they are taking advantage...either stop saying yes, or when you do say yes, let them know you'd appreciate some gas money for all the running around you do for them...your time and the wear and tear on your vehicle are worth something...
2006-09-18 18:00:52 · answer #9 · answered by . 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
your feelings are valid but when your the only one with a car they are going to depend on you. specially if you always say yes you need to set limitations. if your not feeling good about helping its because you feel obligated and you shouldn't feel that way. your not helping your being used and you need to tell your friends treat you better or they need to catch a cab
2006-09-18 18:03:00 · answer #10 · answered by icandi22 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋