I'm engage to this guy that i'm in a long distance relationship with i'm 20 years old he's 19 we're both born the same year but we're 10 months apart.We visit each other every month or 2. i think he's unfaithful(even though i have no prove),he's a bit immature and his priorties are not straight he goes to the club every weekend,he dances with girls at the club which he claims are just friends,he has alot of female friends which includes his ex-girlfriend,he has gotten in trouble 2 time with the law petty stuff though since the start of the year,he is on probation at work for his attendants and we got engaged on february 14 of this year we agreed to get marry in a year but he won't set a date!!! I love him to death and I know he loves me too and I don't want to leave him but he's driving me crazy i don't trust him or his female friends and i wish he'll grow up!Can anyone please tell me How to make a long distance relationship work & How to build trust in a long distance relationship?
2006-09-18 10:52:29 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
I kind of went through the same expierence as you are going through now. I can tell you it's heart breaking and very hard. First of all why won't he set a date if he does indeed want to marry you? It seems as if he wants to keep you because he does love you so thats why you are engaged but it also sounds like he still wants to have a life as a single man. He can not have both unless you let him have both. You need to talk to him in person and tell him that by him going out to clubs and dancing with other women, it makes you feel uncomfterable because he is so far away and it seems like he really likes the party life. You need to ask him if he is ready to give up that party lifestyle because being in a relationship is all about a focus on two people and getting to know each other better. Tell him that you trust him but that you don't trust other females and if he is intoxiated and one very attractive one tried to seduce him what would he REALLY do?? Tell him that he shouldn't even be putting himself any where close to that sort of situation. Tell him that the whole party scene makes you nervous and that you don't like the idea of him going out to clubs without you. You are his woman so why is he dancing with those other women. If he says it's just dancing then ask him well how do you dance? I'm sure it's in some sexual way, almost all dances today revolve around sexy moves. If you are not comfterable with the idea of him going out like that then he needs to respect your feelings and stop. If he doesn't respect your feelings now then how do you think he will act in the future when you are married? He NEEDS to make you happy or you are just going to be one misrable woman all of your married life and doing what ever he wants.
I laid it all down flat for my husband before we got married and told him that if he truly loved me then he would care about my feelings and try to make me happy. If going out and messing around is more important to him then let him go cause he ain't worth your time! You deserve to be happy so don't except anything less!!
2006-09-18 11:32:25 · answer #1 · answered by dabster 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Please!!! Save your time. You don't need Einstein to answer a question thats self explanatory. Number one, a relationship is not healthy without trust. You can never be at peace with him or with yourself if you're always wondering is he cheating or if theres someone else in his life other than you. Secondly, sounds like he needs to grow up. You want a mature, respectable, responsible young man that has his priorties straight. How can this guy be all these when he's partying, having a lot of female friends, getting in trouble with the law. Also if he really loves you, you should be all that he needs in a female friend. You should be his everything.
Look give him some time to prove himself but if he doesn't, move on with your life.
2006-09-18 18:18:12 · answer #2 · answered by Wendy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think that you can have a honest open and loving relationship, if one partner doesn't trust the other. I think that you love the idea of being engaged, and deep down you know that he is not the right one for you. You need to be honest with yourself. You deserve a guy who loves you and will be honest and faithful. Look around. There are plenty of guys who will treat you like the person you derserve to be treated like.
2006-09-18 18:01:20 · answer #3 · answered by Practical Suzy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
nope, because its impossible. you want to know how you build trust in a long distance relationship? it all depends on you and how much you can trust him. thats it. if you cant trust him right now, then you wont trust him later. if you think he is doin these things, catch him in the act. if its too far away, get someone to do it for you. there is a real neat invention called the camera phone. its great for blackmail. but if you do trust him, then trust him, then make him realize it and make him prove to you that he can be trusted without you having to say something. it shouldnt be a one sided thing, it should be mutual.
2006-09-18 17:58:02 · answer #4 · answered by cr4is2py0 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i would quit having the long distance relationship and move in together. It's really the only way to know what his habits are before you tie the knot. if you don't do this now, then you won't know what he'll do when you two are married. But good luck!
2006-09-18 17:54:56 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I personally dont belive in long distance relationships, but if you and him can build up STRONG trust, then it can work. If it gets too crazy, then maybe u need to try moving on
2006-09-18 17:56:53 · answer #6 · answered by yogurlmsbunny 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you dont got trust, your realationship isnt gonna last and if you keep lying to your self about it and get married, your marriage wont last either. Just sit him down and let him know how ya feel and maybe before you get married you two need to move in together so you know where u stand.
2006-09-18 17:56:53 · answer #7 · answered by La-La 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
when you are age 19-20, you don't even have a clue of the true meaning of love, at that point in your life it is just a word. spread your wings, play the field, you be surprized how many young men you'll date or run into in your even next 5-6 years. don't box yourself in. think beyond your current boundries
2006-09-18 17:57:43 · answer #8 · answered by worldtraveler 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
girl it sounds like ur dealing with a boy and not a man. u need 2 let him go and move on 2 someone better u don't need him 2 hold u down like that and make u worry 4 the **** he's doing.
2006-09-18 17:57:33 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you can trust a guy like that even if you were shackled to his right wrist. He has no respect for you and no interest in growing up. get unengaged or you will have a miserable life after marriage.
2006-09-18 17:56:46 · answer #10 · answered by Rich Z 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋