im moderately confident, good looking young woman, 20 and i can talk to any one, but thats wher it stops, if im out on a saturday night, in the night club pub where ever, i can talk to most lads, if i knw them or not, but if they want to be more friendly with me, i panic!!! i make my excuse to get away from them, even holidng hands, kissing etc... all this makes me panic, i think to myself what am i arfraid of???, i keep thinkin about why im like this, and i think its the fact that i grew up with out my mother and later in lfie i found out my father has a drinkin problem, and never been close to my family and its rubbed off with every else as well, any ideas as how to get rid of this panic/anxiety????
2006-09-18 10:47:01 · 20 answers · asked by misssherlock06 3 in Social Science ➔ Other - Social Science
1) Get counselling and talk about your mom/dad growing up problems. They are affecting you WAY more than you think.
2) Stop meeting guys in clubs. They are there to have sex with girls and then dump them. Try talking to guys in the same way in the grocery store, bookstore, the park, etc. You'll meet MUCH better guys. Not sure where to go after talking? Ask him to go for a walk, bike ride, get a cup of coffee, lunch on the weekend. Holding hands, kissing, etc, usually shouldn't start within 10 minutes after meeting someone.
2006-09-18 10:53:19 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
First, your response isn't all that bad. Clubs aren't the place to meet great guys. I know that's about the only place for young people to meet but it isn't. You are reacting to the fact that you don't really know these guys right? I mean just meeting them and them probably drinking which you have a problem with which as well, you should. they aren't the best type of guy to get real close to. So, maybe your problem is getting out to other environments to meet other types of people. It may be caused by the fact that you aren't close with family. I moved too much as a teenager and I know I have a hard time bonding with people but, that just makes me different, not crazy. It just takes a while and the friends I do have i keep for a long time, so it's not all bad. Maybe groups going out to a movie, youth groups are at bigger churches now and maybe joining some team sport where you meet people that don't drink. I think you're still young and most young girls move too fast. Some guy will come along and see you as the special person you are because you are cautious and not easy and he will pursue you in the right way. Don't give up and try other social situations for different types of friends. If you really feel like you are really out there and it's going to keep you from ever meeting anyone then maybe a support group or some counseling would help. Just don't make it too hard on yourself. You have lots of time! Good luck!
2006-09-18 11:08:53 · answer #2 · answered by MISS-MARY 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A woman has every reason to feel as you do. It is a natural inbuilt self defence mechanism characteristic of the female. What a woman really needs [in nature] is a male she can trust. She is, without being conscious of it, looking for a mate. That mate has to be trustworthy and above all non-aggressive towards the female. If a woman feels fear or uncertainty in the company of a male, her best action is retreat. If you have more anxiety than you can handle, first consult with your GP. Go from there.
2006-09-21 04:08:18 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's hardly a problem. If these guys are unable to make you feel relaxed and comfortable then why should you want to hold their hand or kiss them - it would be incongruent with reality.
You need to spend a little more time getting used to being around guys who are relaxed and not too pushy. A bar or night club isn't exactly an ideal venue now is it?
You really need to find someone you can trust - and who is relaxed around you and so relaxes you. Takes time to build up a real relationship - be true to yourself and recognise your feelings aren't wrong but merely trying to tell you something.
2006-09-18 11:03:30 · answer #4 · answered by Young Man 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think the situations you're meeting guys in aren't necessarily conducive to successful encounters. Have you tried exchanging numbers and then meeting up a few days later to grab a coffee in a less charged atmosphere with less pressure on you?
If you just want to get rid of the anxiety, try taking deep relaxing breaths (look up meditation or yoga resources for some ideas of exercises to try until you find one that works for you) and maybe visualising the kind of situation you anticipate finding yourself in.
The other thing to consider is, of course, counselling. If you feel your problem is deep rooted and you can't combat it succsessfully by yourself, there's no shame in asking for help. It might be the thing you need to move on with your life in a positive way.
2006-09-20 01:08:42 · answer #5 · answered by lauriekins 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think maybe subconsciously you are not ready to actually be more than friends...give it a couple of dates before you set a comfort zone and can actually be OK with holding hands and kissing...give it some time with a guy... i agree with your childhood problems being the reason behind all your behavioral problems but you need to overcome it by facing your demons and maybe going out with girlfriends and just having a good time. Trust me you will be comfortable with all this once you know the person real well..
2006-09-18 10:55:16 · answer #6 · answered by freemind 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The only way we get rid of anxieties is to face them. Try joining a club in somthing you have an interest in. Walking, acting etc. Nightclubs are never the best place to meet people. Find someone with a common interest and let them grow on you slowly.
2006-09-18 22:08:57 · answer #7 · answered by STEVE MACK 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your issues could be complicated, but there are easy things to try.
Probably the best idea is to make friends with a guy and only push it in a romantic direction once you are already comfortable with him. Before anything serious happens, tell him that you are nervous about it and try to work through your nervousness together.
2006-09-18 10:50:36 · answer #8 · answered by Isaac H 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to a professional...also some of the anti-depressants can control the panic attack.
Good luck.
2006-09-18 13:29:13 · answer #9 · answered by pelister56 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am 27 and my emotional life sucks because I was abused twice by a " family friend" when I was 5-6 years old, my father used to drink a lot, and my family was one of the poorest in the village...
well, situation have changed - I am self asure office worker, who can deal with customers and huge contracts, who is responsible for most od the activity in the village, I do have money to spend, my father doesn't drink anymore - but my emotional life sucks.
I met many guys whom I dated, but it was all wrong: every guy I met was so nice and I wanted to be with him untill he started to mention serious things like real relationship etc.
I got to think about the reasons why I do leave them when they got involved - it is the only solution - to think about every factor that can possibly influence your behaviour, and then when you realize what is it , when your subconsciousness accept that your acts are driven by this and that- you can think of changing it. of course you can go to see the therapists and pay a fortune for them to listen to all you already know, but what is donwn deep in your head, it's up to you.
I decided to face it on my own - now I realized that I am affraid of serious relation because of the realation my mum had with me dad, that I don't want to think about having children because I don't want them to suffer like I did in my childhood it all makes sense and with the knowledge about the fears from my subconsciousness I am trying to work out my relations with men. hopefuly I will manage.
keeping my fingers crossed for you...
2006-09-18 22:48:42 · answer #10 · answered by ywe 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋