I Will Be Here
My eyes are closed
But I can still see
The true love
You have for me
I try to speak
but nothing comes out
My heart is yours
Without a doubt
I will be here
Whenever you want me
Will you come
Whenever that may be
When I see you
I can barely breath
You beauty
Is to much for me
When you see me
Can you hear me scream
Your like an angle
From a dream
My love for you
Is never-ending
Your beauty and grace
I’m always defending
2006-09-18 10:43:01 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Arts & Humanities ➔ Other - Arts & Humanities
Nice poem. Bad spelling. "your like an angle" " You're like an angel." Substitute "when" for "whenever" . It is more rythmical. Thin? Think. Trade barely for hardly. It rolls off the tongue more easily. And the word is breathe not breath. " Wrought " is poetically proper. Your sensitivity and sensuous nature boil through. Keep wroughting.
2006-09-18 11:00:35 · answer #1 · answered by RANDLE W 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm going to skip past the spelling problems and get right to the heart of this poem.
I like it. Honestly, I like it. It's nothing magnificent, and it didn't make me cry or anything, but it was a good poem. I liked how you said things like "When I see, I can barely breathe" and "You're like an angel from a dream". It is a tad predictable, but cheesy? I don't think so. As long as it comes from the heart, poetry cannot be cheesy. You did a great job capturing your idea and you ryhmed and phrased things well.
I'm not going to say I loved it, but it was good!
2006-09-18 13:35:59 · answer #2 · answered by Smiles Like She Means It 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I get the felling you're trying to write like somebody else and you need to work on your spelling
2006-09-18 10:51:09 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yeh...same old I think. Sounds like every other love poem out there.
2006-09-18 10:54:09 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You might want to correct the spelling
2006-09-18 10:50:33 · answer #5 · answered by Violet Pearl 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You "wrote" it, not "wrought it." It's really quite mundane (ordinary). This is not the forum for such things.
2006-09-18 10:57:25 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its nice but if you want to keep your art and stuff and don't wont people to take it then keep it off Yahoo Answers.
2006-09-18 10:52:37 · answer #7 · answered by hawianmichelle14 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes , Its cheesy but reeeeely sweet and whoever it is for ; i'm sure they'll love it .
<3Sammmm.
2006-09-18 10:52:27 · answer #8 · answered by kikkirya 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Never mind what everybody else said....You did a great job!!!!
2006-09-18 10:51:35 · answer #9 · answered by sexylittleangel06 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
frighteningly cheesy
2006-09-18 10:47:57 · answer #10 · answered by miss_nursie_nurse 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋