he's been in and out of jail, in and out of rehab. i have raised my son ALONE for 3 1/2 years now (that includes pregnancy). I'm going to school full time and trying to keep things up and happy.
his father has given him nothing-- has not been there, no money, etc.
i have been trying to make it work-- two hour drives to see him in rehab, took my son to visit him in prison.
and finally, months ago, i decide to give up. i started seeing someone and i'm finally happy with how things in life are going. he keeps trying to contact me. he is horrible to me. he is a sociopath and i dont want him any where near my son because he is only going to hurt him.
i think i can only get a restraining order if he trys something......i dont know the rules exactly...
what can i do???????
i'm in california btw.
thanks!
2006-09-18 10:42:38 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
my son's not in jail. my son is 3..... i took my son with me to go visit his stupid dad in jail
he wasnt a loser when we were together. he just went "nuts"
2006-09-18 10:49:28 · update #1
I'm in California too. You can file for sole physical custody, with limited visitation based on your supervision and approval. Present the judge with documentation to support your request (rehab paperwork, criminal history). If your ex defaults by not responding to your petition or just doesn't show up in court, you will be granted your request.
The other option is to have him sign off on his parental rights. This absolves him from any claim to the child, and it also absolves your right for any child support...ever.
2006-09-18 10:54:43 · answer #1 · answered by Royalhinney 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
After read what you have wrote, first of all, stop putting in words, what you think of him and be a little more positive about the affects it it causing for you and the child. You can exercise tour rights through the courts, by showing the courts the problems you are facing, concerning his arrest, failed rehabs ect... in some states, if you can prove that this man is a danger or has communicate some kind of a threat to you and the child by witness or in writing, then its your responsibilities to do what is right under the law (Do not take the law into your own hands).
You stated that you have found someone and that you are happy now and that you are in school. This shows a positive step in the right direction for yourself. But if the father of the child has not done anything to hurt you or the child, he maybe granted visitation privileges. You on the other hand may want to request supervised visitation due to his rehab failures and concern for the safety of the child. Start doing some searching, to see what is in your favor. There are some attorney out there and some agencies that will give you good guidance and assistance.
2006-09-18 17:55:50 · answer #2 · answered by WOODSAK 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
More often than not, restraining orders do not work. Can you get assistance from Legal Aid or Child and Family Services about an agreement for supervised visitation? If you try to keep your son's father out of his life, your son will eventually blame you for trying to keep them apart. (When kids turn into teenagers they blame you for everything) If you at least try to get supervised visitation between the two of them then at least you have tried to find the right answer for your son and yourself. It is a difficult situation but keep in mind what is the best for your son and the safest for you.
2006-09-18 17:49:09 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know this is the answer you probably don't want to hear because I'm in the same boat as you. 1st off, check with a lawyer, but I'm pretty sure the laws are the same in all states regarding this.
The state will probably tell you that the father has a right to see his child. I hate that law, because some fathers are worthless, but unfortunately it exists. You cannot legally keep your child away from it's parent unless that parent is deemed unfit in a court of law regarding custody and visitation of the child.
If he is still in prison or re-hab, then you can choose not to take your son.
The fine line is, unless he takes you to court, I don't think you have to let him see him. He would have to take you to court for custody or visitation. But again, check with a lawyer.
Good luck.
2006-09-18 17:46:43 · answer #4 · answered by Heather S 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well I totally disagree with u keeping your son away from his father, however since you say that he has hurt you and your son, there is no reason for him to see your son. I think that if he gets better and once your son gets alittle older, then they should keep in contact maybe only by phone. And then, once your son gets to be a teenager, perhaps he should see him. I don't know what to tell you, but first protect you and your son from any danger, then work it out accordingly.
2006-09-18 17:49:41 · answer #5 · answered by janeywb 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well with his background, he would never be able to have custody of him. It would be selfish for you to hold your son away from him unless he has harmed your son. If he has been in and out of your son's life, I am sure that he will leave again, if he tries to contact you, talk to him and tell him that you are happy and so is your son. You don't want instability in your son's life. He can either choose to straighten up or leave. Good Luck to you.
2006-09-18 17:49:31 · answer #6 · answered by sea shell 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Restraining orders are the worst thing for a family, someone out to sepearate you will switching people that look similiar then try to really get what they want family is only as strong as your bonds and past,. Why is your son in jail?
2006-09-18 17:45:33 · answer #7 · answered by bret f 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
you're going to have to hire a lawyer to go to court for you. (or you can do it yourself, but it's alot harder) in order to try to take away the father's visitation rights until he begins to pay up on back child support. trying to take his rights away completely most likely will not happen unless your lawyer can convince the judge to mandate that the father must only have "supervised custody" because of his background and allow himself to be drug tested before any supervised visit. that way....it makes it incredibly difficult and costly for the father to spend time with your son. because he has to pay the place for the privelage to have a supervised visit. If he's a bum and not making any money...you have to set up financial barriers that he can't make it over in order to keep your child from him.
2006-09-18 18:01:56 · answer #8 · answered by Anthony V 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You certainly have a dilemma.
You seem to be a person of character and I admire how you are trying to live your life. You and your son deserve to be happy.
I suggest that you go to Legal Aid Services in your state and get some advice as to how to proceed.
Good luck!
2006-09-18 17:46:36 · answer #9 · answered by Angela 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
will need to get a restraining order and not let him see your son it's in your sons best interests your x will have a negative affect on him so do what you can to keep him out of your sons life until your x cleans up his act but it doesn't sound like he will so be careful you'll be ok listen to your heart
2006-09-18 17:57:32 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋