my mom and dad are on the verge of divorsing how do i keep the pain away and let my mom know i am hurting?

Question

okay my mom and dad have been married for almost 25 years and now they are gettin divorsed soon i am really confused and hurt and angry could you just HELP ME!!!

Answer 1

OK, I know you are hurt and angry. That's a normal reaction. But do try to sit back and think about this for a minute.

Divorce is a messy and painful business for everyone concerned. No one does it unless they really have to. So your mom and dad must feel that staying together would cause them more pain than the divorce will cause. That's a pretty big statement. It means they were very unhappy together. In fact, they may have been unhappy for a long time, but their shared love for you has kept them together. They've just got to a point where they feel you're grown up enough that you can deal with it - and they're obviously wrong! Or perhaps they're not involving you enough so that you don't understand what's happening.

You love your mom and dad, don't you? Wouldn't it be selfish of you to say "I don't care whether you make each other unhappy. You HAVE to stay together for ME!"

Your mom and dad may have taken care to hide their unhappiness from you all your life, that may be why you can't see what it wrong between them.

You don't explain how your parents are behaving. If neither of them has explained to you why they need to break up, then you need to grab one of them and say "I'm old enough to be told why this is happening. Not knowing is driving me crazy."

On the other hand, if they are both being very vocal, saying nasty things about each other etc, then you need to tell both of them that they are being unfair to you and they need to leave you out of it.

Whatever the situation, it is very, very important to talk to your parents. How do you let your mom know you are hurting? Tell her. Blurt it out.

Answer 2

Remember that your mom and dad are hurting also. Just because they are adults and seem okay does not mean they are not confused and hurt also. It is difficult for children to understand all the reasons why their parents might be divorcing. Just remember that it is not your fault and even if they do divorce it does not change the fact they are your parents. A divorce will not make them love you any less. Sometimes couples grow apart instead of closer together. This does not make them bad people or mean that they made a huge mistake when they married. It only means that their lives have moved in different directions. You dont say how old you are, but I am assuming you are an older teen. Your life is complicated right now as well. Try and understand that your parents are not trying to hurt you, they are just doing what is right for them. Good luck and if you need to talk to someone, please see a school counselor or pastor. It helps to talk with someone who is trained to help you.

Answer 3

Don't push the pain away. You've got a lot of grieving to do and the tears will be your friends and will help you so cry when you feel like it. It will help relieve the stress. Sorry to say this but this process will be very difficult and hurtful to you and, to make things worse, your parents will likely be hurting too. Hurting people hurt others. So, cry as much as you need to and as often as you like. Just let the pain come and feel it--you'll feel better after. Tell you mother you need help to cope and find a counselor or therapist to talk with.
"I NEED help, mom" may do wonders.

Answer 4

right now you parents have so many thoughts in their head and are so stressed that they probably don't see how much this is hurting you. You can just pull you mom aside and let her know how you are feeling but remember, that doesn't mean she is going to be there for you because of all the drama going on. Just keep you head up, do good in school (TRUST ME) and ask God to give you strength to get through this difficult time. God Bless and stay strong. Remember that this is not your fault.

Answer 5

I'm sorry that your having to deal with that, do you have brothers or sisters? You need to tell you dad and mom how your feeling. It does no good to hold the pain in. I'm sure they feel bad for you also but sometimes adults grow in different direction and it becomes a major problem them to stay together. Good luck and do not be afraid to talk to people about the pain your feeling.

Answer 6

How do you let your mom know that you are upset? Well i would tell her. Wait! first off, I know its hard to see your parents split up. But your mother may become happier, stronger, and a better person now that they split up. Sometimes we see divorcing as a sign of death. NOOOO! no one is dying they are just splitting apart. Nothing will happen to you. I promise. Just give your parents room to make decisions and they will make sure you have room too.
By the way...I know its scary where youre sitting. But take it from me who have divorced parents...They both are stronger and more happier than all that fussing and cussing that they were doing.

Answer 7

The most important thing for you to understand is that it's not your fault. People change over time and sometimes that change is not acceptable to our spouse. Understand that they are hurting too and that they will both need your acceptance and love following the devorce. Don't get in the middle or take sides, that will only make things more hurtful for you in the long run.

Answer 8

hurt last a while but a trip to Jamaica last a life time. just except the new people in your parents lives ..hey some people just need a break. I'm divorced and were better friends now than ever. just be honest w/ them both and show your support . it's their desision . not yours. it only sucks for a while

Answer 9

Have a heart to heart with your mom & tell her everything you are feeling. Try to get your parents to take a class called The Landmark Forum. www.landmarkeducation.com; I've seen many couples reunite their relationships during this course. You can also take the class, it will teach you how to deal with your problems & to live a more productive life. It's great!:)

Answer 10

Just tell your mom how you feel. She is really the only one that can help you through this!! Divorce isn't easy on anyone. Getting things out in the open will lighten it a little though!