I am married for 3 years now (second marriage) and we have a baby boy who just turned a year old. My husband and I get along great and have a very loving marriage. I have always reached out to his family and acknowledged their birthdays, holidays, etc...I try to be kind to everyone. I feel like they just don't acknowledge me. My mother-in-law told me all her other grandchildren look like either her or her husband except for my baby. My sister-in-law got upset when I told her I was pregnant and she said she would not say "congratulations" until I had amniocentises because I am over 35 and she thought the baby would have down-sydrome. The baby is beautiful and very healthy. Not one of them acknowledged his first birthday, not one birthday card. My family treats my husband like a son. Should I just not let these people occupy any more space in my brain? I have been hurt by them over and over.
2006-09-18 10:18:04 · 7 answers · asked by Misty Evenings 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
This may seem odd but I have used it before and it has helped others in similar circumstances.
Think of marriage as buying a used car. If you order a new one, you can tailor it to your exact desires. A used car comes with things, some you want, some you don't care about.
People are the same way. They come to a relationship with baggage. They have friends, family, living styles, and countless other habits. It seems reasonable to say that you and your husband have accepted the others baggage. Now all you need to do is decide which options you will use and which you won't. You don't smoke but the car has a lighter, well, don't use it. You have in-laws that treat you bad, well, don't use them either.
It sounds to me like you have done as much as could be reasonably expected of you. If that is not adequate in their eyes, maybe it is there loss. If you sleep well at night you have done your best.
Have a talk with your husband and explain your feelings and the fact that you will not be seeking them out any longer. Or something to that effect.
My wife and I both got lucky, good in-laws in all directions. After 35 years together we both still have other baggage but I think the whole marriage thing may last. My Dad said the first 40 were the hardest years and we are closing in.
I really wish you the best. I don't envy you your situation.
2006-09-18 10:49:12 · answer #1 · answered by gimpalomg 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, we know which side of the family has 'class' don't we??
I guess it is 'their problem', but the tradegy is the children..it is always the children.. Your husband has a duty to sit down with his family and remind them that by treating you so unfairly and with 'attitude' that it hurts him, and that he just can't allow it. They must accept you and him--together, or you, as a family, will 'back off' from extended family activities. Can he do that?
I say, until hubby sticks up for you, don't go the extra mile. Be sweet and kind and maybe in time they will see you for what you are. I'm glad you are happy and have found someone who is good to you and loves you...that is the main thing, after all, isn't it?
His family shouldn't occupy your brain too much. Focus on your family. And get hubby to stick up for you. Talk to him, let him know that everytime this happens, it hurts you, and when he doesn't stick up for you, that also hurts you, and makes you feel like he agrees with his family. He should be able to see the light.
Good luck.
2006-09-18 17:45:13 · answer #2 · answered by Nisey 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm so sorry to hear that! It is tough, especially since they say that when you marry, you marry the entire family!
That being said, I think that you should ask your husband to intervene for you. After all, he should protect your feelings, especially when his family is being the bully. Now that you two have your own family, his loyalty should be to you and your child first, and no longer to his parents. I personally would avoid family functions that involve his family, save the holidays. Give your baby lots of love and bring him to visit your family a lot so that he can grow up under the love of at least one set of his grandparents.
2006-09-18 17:24:38 · answer #3 · answered by everfair 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am so very sorry, to hear of the In Laws who are treating you in this way, and the new baby as well. The choice is theirs, and we are not able to change other people, they need to do the changing themselves. I would suggest that you pray for them, every time they choose to hurt you, and then " let go and let God" while you go about taking care of your family.
2006-09-18 17:29:06 · answer #4 · answered by pooterilgatto 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh my goodness, they are so mean. Whats thier problem? You know, your not the problem, but does your husband act like everything is ok? He should'nt becuz its not. I am not saying to forget about them, but I am saying that they are the ones that are going to miss out on your precious baby's life, if they keep on like this. First steps, First names, first everything. They should feel ashamed for what they are doing to you. Its not fair.
2006-09-18 17:26:54 · answer #5 · answered by Photographer 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ignore them. Stop sending cards or gifts, let your husband deal with them.
Your sister in law was a jerk. If they want to see your son let your husband take him over while you have personal time.
2006-09-18 17:23:25 · answer #6 · answered by Pantherempress 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have the same problem with mine. I have recently told a few of them not to set foot inside my house again and I have not regretted it. But that is something you and your husband must talk about. But other than that...let them go....
2006-09-18 17:21:35 · answer #7 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋