2006-09-18 10:05:47 · 35 answers · asked by veromickey1 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
as long as you BOTH can move past it. if you know you'll hold a grudge forever the NO
2006-09-18 10:07:39 · answer #1 · answered by UNeverKnow 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
The first thing to do in a situation like this is realize there is a pattern to the healing process, first there is a lot of anger, second there may be a period when you have sex with your partner a lot in order to 'stake your claim' or win your partner back, then the real affects of what has happened set in and thats when you know whether it is something you can deal with or not. I didn't realize this and made mistakes and big decisions while still going through this process and they turned out to be the wrong decisions. I feel that if I had known about this pattern I could have seen things more clearly.
As far as continuing the relationship or not you first need to determine whether or not getting over it is something you should do. I saw 7 things that can help you determine this:
Is it an isolated incident or a pattern of behavior? (including past relationships, even if its the first time they cheated on you has he cheated on others)
Do they own it (take full blame) or make excuses for why it happened?
Do they REALLY grasp the damage they have done to you and your relationship or do they just pay it lip service?
Are they sorry for the choice or just sorry that they got caught?
Are they willing to do what it takes to clean up the mess they made, whatever it takes and however long it takes? or do they want to deny it and move on?
Is it out of character for them or are they insenstive about other things too? (respects your feelings, treats you with dignity, etc)
Is it a legacy or a new behavior? did they grow up in a family where this happened? if its what they learned thats a big clue.
Once you've gone through these and IF you determine that the answers all favor a successful relationship then you take it one day a at a time, if its a history or a pattern you leave and realize that it is the idea of the relationship that you 'love' and not the reality, surely you don't define being loved as someone that devestates you emotionally and doesn't care that they did. Finally, there is a question for you, if you reinvest yourself in this relationship and they do cheat will you be able to handle it or would you be emotionally wiped out? Never invest more than you can afford to lose. You have a lot of thinking to do, but don't worry it WILL get better and you will be ok!
2006-09-18 10:33:02 · answer #2 · answered by dappersmom 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Personally I could care less, but then my opinion doesn't matter. Yours is the only opinion that does. How do you feel about it? He made a vow when he married you and he broke it. He is not respecting you. Why are you hanging around? He will never change, he's done it and I'm sure he said he was sorry and he would never do it again, Right! He WILL do it again and will say he's sorry again and you will forgive him again because "you love him"!!!! B/S He is not a responsible husband, Do you have any kids? What effect is this having on them? Do you want your kids to grow up believing that cheating on your spouse if OK? That's what they're learning. Divorce the creep and find a good man to love and respect you.
2006-09-18 10:24:06 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I do not know if i could forgive. It is something that i would always wonder if he was doing again. If he was late coming home because of a flat tire, i would wonder if he was out cheating and did he just let the air out of the tire. It would be always in the back of my mind eatting away at me. I could forgive but I dont think that I could contine the relationship.
2006-09-18 10:08:28 · answer #4 · answered by Liz 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think that if you know that he/she is genuinely sorry then if you can honestly forgive and not live with resentment and bitterness then yes I think its okay. I personally don't think I could handle the cheating but it depends on how long you've been together and your history together. Do you think you can forgive? There is never a time that forgivness isn't good!
2006-09-18 10:28:48 · answer #5 · answered by eileen 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I couldn't forgive. Trust is the foundation of any relationship, and I would have none for him if he cheated. Not to mention the fact that I would lose respect for him and never look at him the same way again.
2006-09-18 10:19:17 · answer #6 · answered by Royalhinney 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
depends on your morals, If you are opposed to lechury, than its possible that you'd want to leave them, but at the same time what was your spouse's reason/reasons?? weigh both sides, your mornal beliefs and his/her answers to your questions on why they did what they did, and they you'd get your answer if it would be RIGHT to forgive them. I personally had this experience with my fiance, and I forgave because I love my partner. My fiance didn't mean to, he was mad so he cheated to get me back for something. But eventhough that happend, I forgave him, so if you really love your spouse most likely you'll stop being mad after a while and forgive them, or you'll let your beliefs control and decide from there. hope that helps.
2006-09-18 10:17:53 · answer #7 · answered by teardrop 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It can take awhile to forgive... and that doesn't mean that you have to remain in the relationship or completely forget it happened.
I've managed to forgive my now ex-husband for his regressions however I have more pride in myself than to stay with a man who obviously isn't interested in the same type of marriage I was. Just because I had the one hand bit off by the sharks doesn't mean I have to tread the other hand in the water too!
2006-09-18 10:10:21 · answer #8 · answered by cgspitfire 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Forgiveness will happen in time. U can't force yourself to forgive someone. U have to do it when you're ready to. For me, I could forgive eventually, BUT it doesn't mean I will stay with him because I don't think I'll know how to trust him again, ever.
2006-09-18 10:10:14 · answer #9 · answered by cheetah7 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When they get away with it once, they're sure to do it again because they know you'll forgive them. Once a cheater always a cheater. Kick the liar to the curb and get on with your life...your self-respect and dignity are worth more than those empty promises and phony "I love yous..."
2006-09-18 10:12:33 · answer #10 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My spouse hasnt cheated but ur suppose to forgive.
2006-09-18 10:07:02 · answer #11 · answered by **What??** 4 · 1⤊ 2⤋