Altermadum. I love my man. We've been living together for 3 years,been together for 5. No matter what, I'll always love him. But I refues to renew our apartment lease with him because we're not married after three years of living together. I'm willing to move and leave most everything. I don't see it as a altumadum, thats what he calls it. I've made a decision about my life without anger or drama. I'm not mad. I would love to marry him but it's obious he's not ready. He gave me a ring, but that's still not marriage. I explained in the beginning of this year, I wasn't renewing our lease unless we're married. He gave me a ring two weeks before we need to renew. A blind person could see, that was buying time. He's so mad. What do I need to say to him to let him know, I'm not going any where, I just don't want to play house anymore. I have standards too. I've invested 5 years in him. Why does he think I'll wait forever? Why do men drag out relationtion.
2006-09-18 09:54:16 · 13 answers · asked by I am what I am 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
I'm not in a hurry to be a "wife". I was a wife for 10 years. I would love to be "his wife". I love him. I'd like to plan for retirement with him. He knew this going in. This is the first time I've brought up marriage since we've been together. This would be a second marriage for both of us. I've read a lot of your responces and guys, you're missing it. Why do you think women just want a title and not a commit. Life lasting commit. Yea, I'll still see him, I don't have anyone on the side. I don't hate him, I'm disapointed, but I'm strong, I'll get over disapointment. And if someone comes along, well...then great. But that's not my plan to find someone else.
2006-09-18 10:33:41 · update #1
I think you're doing the right thing, but not for the reason you think.
We all have to decide what it is that we want. You want to be married, and you want that more than you want him.
He senses this, and although he hasn't been able to articulate it, this is why he's afraid to marry you. He can tell that you're not committed to HIM, you're committed to MARRIAGE.
You've decided that you want the marriage, in essence- the man doesn't matter. You should leave. Even if he changed his mind at this point and begged you to marry him, you'd be trapping him into a marriage that won't satisfy either of you. Don't do it.
When a man is sure, he's sure. He may not even know why he's sure. This is why sometimes men carry on relationships for years without proposal and then meet somebody else and propose within 3 months.
You're not the one for him, dear. Move out and contemplate what you want and why you want it.
2006-09-18 10:10:54 · answer #1 · answered by Jerry 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is no benefit to a man to get married. If you don't think that saying 'Marry me or else' isn't an ultimatum, you are kidding yourself. You say you 'invested 5 years.' He isn't an investment property, he's a man. People don't change for other people. They may change for themselves, but anyone (any woman) who thinks they can change someone is deluded. He doesn't want to marry you. Either accept that or move on. And give back the ring.
2006-09-18 09:59:40 · answer #2 · answered by 101pupil 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why do you think it is his decision? If you are ready to settle down and he is not, you have the option of leaving him and moving on or sticking with him until he is, or ever will be ready. Try this, you ask him to marry you and see what happens, you have a voice in the relationship too. Also, make sure you are sure, my ex and I rushed into marriage thinking we were meant for each other and now we have split. Good luck to you.
2006-09-18 10:03:51 · answer #3 · answered by jetfighter 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Good girl. You have just so much time and he is getting it free. If you want a family you need to start soon. If he will not commit then you need to look for some one who will. Marriage protects women and children. He needs to be an adult, take responsibility for the future, and commit. You hang in there. If you need to walk, do it. Alone's better than being a worm.
2006-09-18 10:04:19 · answer #4 · answered by lil'oleJewler 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
So you wont live with him anymore but you'll continue to date him ?? That makes no sense at all. You've invested the 5 yrs, he doesn't want to get married, what are you holding on to ? At this point if he does wind up marrying you I see him being very resentful later on. Its a lose lose situation for you.
2006-09-18 10:01:36 · answer #5 · answered by JustMe 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
if your giving it up to him without a commitment...why should he take the next step? it just does not make sense from his point of view.
sorry for putting it out like that, but men will not make a move unless they are given the ultimate decision...commit or move on with life!
2006-09-18 09:57:19 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Why buy a cow, when you're getting the milk for free? Stop sleeping with him. He'll either find someone else - and that'll prove to you that he's not the one for you, or he'll marry you if he loves you and wants to be with you.
2006-09-18 09:58:37 · answer #7 · answered by Michael R 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Why do you need a piece of paper to honor something thats already eight years old? What would it change?
2006-09-18 10:17:02 · answer #8 · answered by Alexander Shannon 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
if all you want from the relationship is a marriage, then you are very selfish and pathetic... you obviously don't love him or care about the relationship... you are fixated on the mariage bit... that is sad...
leave him and apologise for being so childish...
2006-09-18 09:58:19 · answer #9 · answered by Forlorn Hope 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i think that is rediculus. it is a mutual decision not just the mans. either party should be able to ask the other one if they are ready to get married.
if she asks him and he says no she can move on instead of patiently waiting.
2006-09-18 09:56:53 · answer #10 · answered by oldsoftee2001 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋