We have been married for 30 years and he has always been into Porn, but for the last 5 years that we have had a computer, he has been noted to view men on webcams and occasionally enter gay chat rooms and gay porn sites! When confronted with this, he says it is only his "comfort zone". He has tried to hide a lot of it from me but I have found in Cookies or Temporary files where he has viewed gay and bisexual profiles on Yahoo and even my daughter has seen him bring up web cams in chat rooms of men masturbating! He denies to me that he is gay or bisexual curious or that he would ever want to meet a man! He still is attracted to me and thinks I should be fine with all of this, but I have not allowed him to touch me for well over a year. I have found condoms in his dresser drawer even though he has a vasectomy.
2006-09-18 09:48:08 · 29 answers · asked by justneedtoknow 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Definitely. "Bisexual" means having physical attraction to both sexes. He wouldn't be looking at naked penises if he weren't seeing something he liked. And why do you think he had condoms, because the Party City store was out of balloons?
2006-09-18 09:52:06 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you asked him about the condoms? You need to find out why he has those when he does not need them. He sound like he is bi-curious from looking at all of those web cams and porn sites with men but now that you mention the condoms mabe he's not just bi-curious, mabe he really is bi-sexual but he doesn't say anything cause he don't know how you will react. Do you have a dildo mabe he has been using the condoms with your toy but on himself when you are not around (so that he does not give you an infection he uses the condoms). Hey they say a guys G-spot is in his behind so mabe he's doing something for himself that you can't really do for him. I don't mean to sound crude but I'm just telling you flat out some possibilities, sorry. It sounds like you need to be alot more open minded towards all this and tell him that you want to make him feel good so you want to know what he really likes and tell him to be open about it. He is probably scared to talk to you about it because you have already cut off sex so he is probably scared that you will cut him off all together as well. He is also probably worried that you won't except what he likes and I'm sure he does not want to feel odd or strange around you so he is keeping it a secret. It sounds like you two need some more open communication if you are going to make things last between the two of you. You have been in it for 30 years already so don't give up now!! Keep an open mind, good communication, and try not to make him feel like he is wierd. I'm sure he already feels bad enough cause he is not getting sex from you. Mabe if you let him touch you he wont be so interested in in chat rooms or web cams. Sex make a couple feel closer and mabe thats what you two need is more intimacy to feel closer and more comfertable with each other. I mean you are married and sex IS a part of marrige. You need to keep EACH OTHER happy. I hope this works out for you both!!
2006-09-18 17:01:12 · answer #2 · answered by dabster 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay, there could be a couple of issues here. One is that he is a voyeur and get off watching other men. If your concerned that he may be having sex with other men at least he is smart enough to carry condoms. Him watching porn in front of your daughter is the biggest concern. This needs to be addressed now. You may need to separate from this guy and see if he really wants to change, if not get a divorce and start over. Good luck.
2006-09-18 16:54:55 · answer #3 · answered by loser 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Girl, sounds like you may have a Down Low man. Unless you are okay with possibly having that type of marriage, you need to seriously investigate that! I don't care what anyone says...no straight men I know look at gay web sites!!!!!!!
2006-09-18 16:49:42 · answer #4 · answered by pearl101 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honestly, it wouldn't bother me. I really do think things can be a 'turn on' to people that they wouldn't actually do. How many people fantasize about having a threesome, they talk about it and play with the idea but would NEVER actually do it. Mine enjoys gay porn and anal sex (with toys) it feels very good to men, it stimulates their prostate and gives them an orgasm similar to what women experience. Personally I'm glad he's open minded enough to go there and share it with me. Actually doing it, live and in person, is a whole different ballgame. You can watch a movie about a really clever bank robber and say hmmm he's really clever, that doesn't mean you would rob a bank...does it? You can be glad, in a movie, when the bad guy gets shot...you probably won't go out and by a gun and start hunting criminals in your spare time either. I think if you keep refusing to have sex with him you are definitely asking for trouble though...the boy isn't going to become a monk because of your insecurities and homophobia. A sexual act is just that...a sexual act, being gay is a way of life..its who you are...they are two very, very different thigns. I just never had a problem with it and dont have that hang up. I think if you participated in his fantasy you could end up having lots of fun. Besides you have been married for 30 years, you have loved, lived with and shared a life with this man for 30 years...yet you have no faith in who he is? That is truly, very, very sad...how would you feel if after all this time he lost faith in you and who you are? I can't imagine anything more devestating. Good luck and lighten up, you might have fun!
2006-09-18 16:57:38 · answer #5 · answered by dappersmom 6 · 1⤊ 2⤋
YES. You are married to a Down Low Man. Google search Down Low. SO SO SO Sorry! He could give you a disease and that terminal one that is nothing to play with. Your DAUGHTER knows and that is very bad and sad. I'm gonna pray for your sexless, strange marriage and that your house will be one of peace and comfort.
2006-09-18 16:55:25 · answer #6 · answered by Sleek 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i hate to be the one to say this. but a lot of signs are pointing to him being bisexual or perhaps just bicurious. even though he denies it, that may be his own way of denying it to himself. (this happened to my best friends husband). you are obviously disturbed by this...if you want to make things better you should sit him down and remind him that you love him more than anything but you are concerned for your marriage and that maybe you two should try couples therapy. he could even do soem sessions alone (to talk about his gay porn addiction) if he gets defensive, remind him you are only suggesting it because you love him and want to do everything possible to keep your marriage together and to be happy. hopefully he will understand and oblige.
best of luck.
2006-09-18 16:54:42 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think he is probably exploring the other team. If he has condoms in his drawer, chances are he is probably meeting people. My ex did that, and he told me the condoms were for me. (like i would need them?) You have every right not to be ok with this. i hate to sound really lame, but i think some counseling is in order here. he needs to figure out what he wants, and you need to figure out what you'll accept. He needs to think of the health risks, and of course who knows who he is meeting? People are not always what they seem. good luck with this one.
2006-09-18 16:56:18 · answer #8 · answered by Joyce K 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hmmmm. Hate to say this to you but your man is talking it in the booty, he is profoundly gay.
Thing is now you have a decision to make. Do you hang around or go on your way. 30 years is a lifetime, but it would be terrible if he brought you a case of AIDS from one of his curious encounters. He has probably been gay all your married life, perhaps now he thinks it won't matter to you.
I'm sorry for you and your children who have to face this.
2006-09-18 17:09:04 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
the condoms could be old..and id use porn too if my wife didnt allow me to touch her in a year (using example i am not gay)....thats pitiful..so he's curious? he'll either get over it..or keep low for all eternity..or break down and admit it
2006-09-18 16:52:40 · answer #10 · answered by TheMaverick.The Artist 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋