In the past my husband kind of lied to me about things by saying he "did not want to hurt my feelings" (like for when he was looking at porn.). We talked about it and he told me that he would not lie to me and would tell me the truth. But now I ask him a question like "are you feeling distant from me?" he says "no", but because he use to say he did not want to hurt my feelings, I think he's lying to me and I keep asking him the questions again. This happens with all kinds of questions, and my husband hates it!!! This makes him VERY furious and angry at me because he already answered and I keep asking, but he set up the behavior... What should I do to stop this cycle?
2006-09-18 08:42:51 · 18 answers · asked by ilih2006 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Lady, asking a guy a question like "are you feeling distant from me?" makes a guy crazy. No matter what you answer, you KNOW you are wrong. So, you give the answer you HOPE will satisfy the lady. You don't care, because the question means nothing much to you, you just want to keep the peace. Lady, IF you keep asking questions like that, he'll keep giving you ANY answer. You want to stop the cycle? Then, ask questions that DO have an answer he can care about. Are you looking at porn? Are you screwing the neighbor? Do you want burgers for dinner? Do you want to move to Peoria? I don't really blame him for getting miffed if you keep grilling him with the same questions.
2006-09-18 09:46:49 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is true that he doesn't want to hurt your feelings. But you've created a hostile environment where his every move and every action is going to get an interrogation from you. My opinion is that actions speak louder than words. Spend time together. Have fun. In a relaxed environment, a couple is more likely to calmly talk. A hostile environment makes people back off and hide.
The source of the problem? Its the inability to communicate. If a couple isn't able to communicate before marriage, you can bet this will carry on through marriage. Better fix it quick, because its hard to change a set behavior like that.
2006-09-18 09:15:18 · answer #2 · answered by bay area curious george 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok, this is a little confusing to me, but I will do my best.
First of all, men look at porn!!!! Second of all, men know it would NOT be a good idea to share this infomation with their wives. So, the fact that he wasn't truthful with you about it isn't one bit surprising.
Moving on.............
You need to stop it! Men and women are very different creatures. I can pretty much guarantee that he doesn't feel distant from you. If you are worried about that, talking isn't the way to pull him closer to you. Most men don't like to talk! Visual persuasion works much better!!
Ask him a question, allow him to answer, and then believe him. If you can't believe him, than you need to work on the trust issues through counceling. Good luck!
2006-09-18 09:49:10 · answer #3 · answered by Kailey 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How to stop the cycle?
Stop asking the same question trying to get a different answer!
Stop reading into things. If he said, no, is no!
You have to trust your man. You asked, he answered, then leave it at that.
Obvioulsy you two have a communication problem. Self help books or marriage counseling can help.
Good luck
2006-09-18 08:46:18 · answer #4 · answered by Blunt 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
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2016-10-16 01:13:04 · answer #5 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have answered your own question. Stop trying to upset your spouse and stop asking the prying questions. He is only going to distance himself from you and your relationship will suffer. Try to be tolerant of "guy things". He isn't cheating, but doesn't like to talk about private matters. This is not different from most guys point of view. If you want it to stop then do your part.
2006-09-18 08:50:44 · answer #6 · answered by jasenwhetstone 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Are you looking for a 1000 different answers for the same question? You need to stop this. You are basically telling him that you DON'T trust him. How would that make you feel??
2006-09-18 08:50:09 · answer #7 · answered by Wally 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
try having a conversation with him, instead of casually asking questions say we need to talk and go for a walk holding hands and tell him how you feel, if you do not have this kindof communication it will never pan out. tell him to tell you the truth and you will not judge or get mad but help him in everyway to over come his problems. then he will be more willing to tell you what is going on,
2006-09-18 08:55:47 · answer #8 · answered by kimber g 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it's very hard to trust someone that knowingly has lied to you - this happened with someone i was dating - he would lie to his friends (so he wouldn't hurt their feelings he claimed) to go out with me - when i was trying to get out of a rental lease he told me, "just lie to the landlord" - he also made me so many promises that weren't kept - i started calling those unkept promises "lies" & then started getting so untrusting of him - lying seemed to be a way of life for him - i had to stop dating him cause i never could believe anything he told me. with you it's harder cause you're married, so the only hope would be counseling, but my feeling is once a liar, always a liar - good luck.
2006-09-18 08:58:56 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some men like to play mind games. He sounds like one of them. He broke the trust and now expects you to trust him. Unbelievable. IF he becomes furious and angry at you then you both have no relationship.
Either get counseling or call it quits. You both are punishing the other.
G.G.
2006-09-18 08:47:13 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋