We've been married 16 years, I always find the need to be on the defense, when we disagree or discuss anything. We don't fight physically or disrespect each other. I just find myself being critical of him and always on the defense. Does anyone else do this?
2006-09-18 08:28:27 · 8 answers · asked by 7aliens 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Interestingly enough, you wrote: "We don't disrespect each other", and then said "I find myself being critical of him". If you are being critical of him, you are being disrespectful.
Men are all about respect and pride. When a women attacks his character it will eventually make him give up. 'If I can't do anything right...." . You DO NOT want that to happen in your marriage. It is easy to defend yourself with angry words when you feel attacked, but remember this....those words will always be there. I suggest that you get some counceling to learn how to communicate better-both of you. What will end up happening if you don't? Chances are he will avoid sharing his feeling with you, he will become distant and disconnected from you. No one wants to feel like they aren't being heard. You need to learn how to listen a little better. Good luck!
2006-09-18 08:44:42 · answer #1 · answered by Kailey 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I do the same thing with my husband. I am very critical of him and very defense about my own actions. He has learned to act the same way I do and now all we do is fight. Try to work it out before it gets too bad. We have only been married a year.
2006-09-18 08:31:28 · answer #2 · answered by kylierika 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I do this a lot with many people, including to my husband. Half the time it just comes naturally which I hate admitting but it's true. I think it has a lot to do with how you a person is raised. My father was always ready for a good fight so I got quite use to defending myself. It was like I had to prepare myself before I walked in the door to meet him. It's also probably from lack of self-esteem and self-confidence, it is for me anyway. Good luck with that I know it's difficult not to sometimes.
2006-09-18 08:42:20 · answer #3 · answered by janet_67_1998 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I used to do this with my parents when I was younger,ALL the time. I think it was because I took them for granted and knew they were always there, because I knew that no matter what I disagreed with I wouldnt lose them. Its what too much familiarity does to a relationship. You hear their opinions so much and know them so well that you start to question them like you would question yourself. Your just so comfortable that you little inner voice that usually stays in your head when your round others, starts to scream out.
Dont worry about it lovely, its normal!! It comes with the package of being close to someone. x
2006-09-18 08:35:45 · answer #4 · answered by lucylu x 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I do but that is because my SO belittle my point of view and makes me feel as if what I have to say is unimportant or has no merit whatsoever. So naturally now when we talk/argue I jump to the defensive and this in turn ticks him off and it escalates into something it shouldn't be.....
2006-09-18 08:31:12 · answer #5 · answered by WonderTwit 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think we all do to an extent. If you know your being too critical start trying to hold back some. You can change this if you wanted too!
2006-09-18 08:30:30 · answer #6 · answered by KIMBO 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's normal, however if you are aware of this you need to take a breath and think before you speak.
2006-09-18 08:33:19 · answer #7 · answered by Val 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My husband does this with me andI hate it, I just want to be heard...he just wants to be right.
2006-09-18 08:45:49 · answer #8 · answered by ilih2006 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋