My kids dad!!!?

Question

He is an A** who never wants to see his kids. He pays child support, but gives me excuses when its time for his visitation. He says things like, "I dont want to waste the 5 bucks in gas to go get them". They are 5 and 7 and are very hurt by him. What should I do about this? Should I take him to court and have his visitation taken away? I have talked to him about it, and he simply doesnt care.

Answer 1

If I were you I wouldn't do anything, he might finally realize someday to visit the kids and you don't want to put any thing between them, if he never sees the kids he is the one who will suffer more.

Answer 2

Yes, you should go to court and obtain sole custody. He will still have to pay child support, but you will no longer be obligated to force him to visit the kids. This way, he cannot go back and say that you hindered him from regular visitations. Since his behavior seems to be unstable, then you're better off having your bases covered. Unfortunately, the kids are the ones who suffer. At least they are young and will not remember much of what's going on right now. I hope things work out for you.

Answer 3

I personally went through the same thing but (my dead beat was not paying child support). I think if he isn't a positive role model for the childern then no he shouldn't be seeing them even if he is paying child support. If he can't take five dollars in gas to come and see them, then its a waste ot time. Just remember what goes around comes around and when he gets to the point where he wants to see those children they are going to be over him .

Answer 4

Sounds like my dad when I was growing up. My mom first offered to take us over to his house and drop us off then he could return us to her which didn't work so finally she just told us that no matter what our dad loved us in his own way and someday we would see that but we weren't the ones that did anything he just had to deal with some things on his own. She made sure that we had phone access to him at all times so we could call and talk to him and on the rare occassions he came to get us for the weekend she had us packed and ready when he got there and kept her mouth shut although she had plenty she wanted to say. Your ex is the one with the problem and trying to convince your kids of anything is only going to make them see him as the victim. My kids dad does get his visitation but the kids are usually sent to grandma or the sitter while he does his thing and then the kids are hurt because they didn't get to spend time with him. Either way the kids get hurt and as the mother all you can do is be there for them and pick up the pieces as they fall.

Answer 5

Is this about the kids or you? If he doesn't want to see the kids, that's less of a bad influence that you have to worry about dealing with when they come back, right? So why do you care? I understand that they are hurt by this, but don't tell them they are going to his house anymore so they won't be hurt. Obviously the man doesn't want to accept the responsibility, so stop giving him access to it. Don't call him, write him, or anything. If the kids ask, tell them that you honestly don't know and they should ask him about it the next time he calls or comes by. As far as you are concerned, stop expecting anything more from him than the sperm and support he's already given you and you won't be disappointed.

Answer 6

I had the same problem with my kids dad not long ago . and I did just that. He has supervised visitation(which he dont do) and he has to pay child support. That way, if he wants to see them, it is on their terms, not his. But fat lot of good it did. He hasnt been around in over 3 years and they have a warrant out for his arrest for non payment on child support. Sucks to be him. Dont let him get you down. Be a good role model for your kids and let him go his own way. You guys will be better off, you really will! :)

Answer 7

My ex hasn't seen his son in 4 years. He is 7 now. My ex only lives 30 minutes away! He always has an excuse of why he can't come. My son has made up stories about why his dad can't see him. Right now he has the idea that he is living in Alaska. I just go along with the stories. I never say anything bad about his dad. I just think bad things! My son is starting to realize that his dad is a jerk. The other day he told me his dad is stupid. Maybe one day his dad will want to see him. But his son won't. Don't waste your time in court. Just don't get the kids all excited because their dad is supposed to come get them. If he shows up act surprised. Like you had no idea he was supposed to come. That way they won't be looking forward to him coming. Just to get disapointed when he doesn't show up.

Answer 8

Custody and visitation are two different matter. If you already have sole custody and he has visitation, then leave it as is. If not, then do it. When the children ask about their father, don't make excuses for him. Tell the children that next time he calls to ask him. Sooner or later he will pay the consequences of not having been a strong force in his children's lives.

Answer 9

If he is paying child support thats great..who need him if he don't want to be there entertain your kids without the idea that he's coming over....they will move on and look forward to what mum and them are going to do this weekend...how about sports gets a lot of stuff off the mind

Answer 10

He is the one who will loose in the long run. He will be the one missing out on the joy of them growing up and being a part of it. All you can do is just keep loving your kids. DO not lie for their Dad but at the same time do not run him down in front of your kids. But when you speak to him let him know that if he is not going to pick the kids up to let you know so that you can make approapiate plans.