I have gotten in a relatioship that will lead to marriage My boyfriend already has 15 yr old twin girls and I have a boy that turns 4 today. My boyfriend feels like he doesn't want anymore kids. I don't know if he is scared, excited that he will be done with child support soon w/ his girls and if we didn't work out that he would have to pay for a new kid (though I would not file for support). He may be worried about his age, he's 37 and I also know that he feels like he has a boy now with my son being in his life. The thing is that I want a girl, though I know there is no gaurante on the sex. Also is it unfair to my son for me to have a baby? The age would be too different for them to play for a few years. On the other hand we are a very, very small family just my mom, my son, myself and now my boyfriend. It was hard for me to be an only child and now I wish I was an aunt and sister. I also don't want to have a child with my boyfriend if he really doesn't want one. I'm 29 tick, tick!
2006-09-18 08:21:48 · 7 answers · asked by jojoladay 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
I won't quit my relationship with my boyfriend I understand his reasons for his feelings. How do I help him understand mine? I will not do anything sneaky, I want him to want a baby too.
2006-09-18 08:27:06 · update #1
Just wanted to clear up some misunderstandings that be leading to some interesting answers. My boyfriend and I do not have a child together. I would wait until marriage. And there is more to the personal conversations that are between myb/f than you know he is on the fence about another child and is just worried.
2006-09-18 09:00:40 · update #2
I understand where you are completely. I am 30, don't have any kids and don't have any prospects of a husband. Are you sure it will lead to marriage? You don't want to have another child w/o having the father in the picture. Really talk to him(your boyfriend) about it and tell him that you would really like to have another child one day. How soon do you think it will be before you're married is important too. It's not unfair to your son. He'll probably like the idea of being a big brother.
2006-09-18 08:32:00 · answer #1 · answered by DaddysGirl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Follow your heart and no one can really answer that question but you. Because you know your boyfriend and your relationship better then anyone.
I was like you in away at 26, with my second marriage. I had a 6 year old and thought she would be my only child. My second husband did not want any more children because he had children with his ex and was paying child support. After 4 years of marriage I got pregrant and it was not planned and to make a long story short it ended our marriage because he thought I planned it, but there was also other things to help end it but until this day, he never had anything to do with Heather and she is 21.
You have to decide how bad you want another child and how much do you really love him and he loves you. Also think about what would happen if by chance you did get pregrant. Nothing is 100 percent now days, accidents does happen.
Good luck and hope everythings turns out ok.
Cindi....:)
.
2006-09-18 09:44:02 · answer #2 · answered by sweet_cajun_witch 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
this is a topic you need to discuss with him, openly and honestly, no one here can give you that answer, its your own conscience that you are wrestling with ... assuming you are a healthy woman, you can bear children into your 40's with minimal risk, so dont worry the clock
ask yourself what kind of example you want to set for your son, as far as a moral compass.
while you think you wouldn't ask for child support, is that fair to your child? he/she will have the expense of an education to prepare for life and you legally cant sign his/her rights away, even if you waive child support, the child can sue for it when they become an adult and it would be an exorbitant sum by then that could bankrupt him.
being an only child can be a boon or a curse ... you have no siblings to call family, but you have your parents undivided attention. the only good reason to have a child is because you want one, your son has no part in the decision process for that,
a relationship that "will" lead to marriage is the same thinking as "a little bit" pregnant ... either you are or you are not, there is no "almost" ... get your "i do" before your "i am"
2006-09-18 08:40:22 · answer #3 · answered by casurfwatcher 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow.... wish I knew how to contact your b/f.
This relationship is in BIG trouble - sorry I know that won't get me points with you.
Everything you said is about you. you want another baby, you want him to understand, you want a girl. its really all about you.
He has stated (I think pretty clearly) he isn't interested in any more children. does it really matter what his reasons are? He doesn't want any. Why would you continue to try to convince him that he should have more?
You shouldn't. You've had the conversation - you just haven't listened to his answer.
If you don't like it.. then the option is to leave.. but since you've stated you won't leave over this then you can guarentee that this will be a huge boil on the butt of your relatinosh8pi and will be in EVERy fight/argument you have.. and will be the main reason for you divorce (within 10 years).
btw.. depending on what state you live in... they guy may already be responsible for child support for you son even if you break up now.
2006-09-18 08:34:27 · answer #4 · answered by .... 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why not wait until you are married to deal with that problem? . If he is worried that "we didn't work out" that doesn't sound like a high enough level of commitment to think about marriage yet anyway.
2006-09-18 08:27:16 · answer #5 · answered by Rich Z 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you feel that way, then you are probably ready. However, it seems your boyfriend isn't, and he is a big factor.
2006-09-18 08:24:52 · answer #6 · answered by ninapanama 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are not married. Have some self respect!
2006-09-18 08:27:26 · answer #7 · answered by nomorepblm 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋