My Love knew that his ex would stop by this morning (while he was at work) to fix a glitch with their child's school clothes.. but then she didn't leave right away.. we ended up just chatting about everything.. for three hours.. but only through the eyes of compassion. It was a nice talk. Under different circumstances, we could probably be decent enough friends.
But then- enter: My Love.. shocked and bewildered and possibly feeling deceived-- and now I am not sure what to do. He is justified, for feeling "uncomfortable in his own house" (as he said), but neither of us meant any harm.
It is possible that he may have been listening to us for quite some time, but I am not hiding anything from him. My only concern would be if he decided to take something out of context.
I had fully intended to tell him tonight that she stayed and that we talked and yada, yada, yada, but the way he found out was shocking to him. Is there any way to work through this? Thanks.
2006-09-18 08:13:15 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I understand his discomfort, though. I told him that I was the one who extended "the olive branch" by asking her to stay for a cup of tea. I had no idea what would happen; I think we two hens just wanted to be on the same page where the child is concerned.
2006-09-18 08:18:54 · update #1
Yes, there is some "bad blood" between them, even as he says he will always "love" her, but "not that way ever again." Also, I'm some 15 years younger than she is.. but we each noticed how very much alike we are in our lives and the way we view life and our relationships (past & present) with him. It was nice to hear my feelings to be validated by someone else who went through exactly what I have gone through with him. I'm sure she felt the same way about being validated, but honest to goodness, we never meant any harm. We kept our heads about us.. Thanks for all the answers so far.
2006-09-18 08:27:32 · update #2
From what book is this? You are probably very young. Grown-ups don't "chat over tea" in America. We might sit at the kitchen table and talk, but it won't be because the ex came to "fix a glitch" with any school clothes.
2006-09-18 08:21:18 · answer #1 · answered by Christian93 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes he may be feeling as if you betrayed him. You are suppossed to be on HIS side not hers. When he saw you two talking it probably really threw him for a loop! He doesnt want his new love and his old love COMPARING notes on him. He may be afraid your telling her personal things about your relationship with him and so on. I would honestly say- sure u could have been friends on diff. circumstances BUT the circumstances are not different so u really do need to love and respect him and his feelings. ALWAYS ask yourself how u would feel if it was the other way around. If it would bother and hurt you then it will him also!
2006-09-18 08:33:23 · answer #2 · answered by cstinkerbell6969 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unless he has something to hide, I cannot understand why he would be upset.
One would think he'd have his child's best interest at heart and appreciate the fact that you and his ex are able to be friendly enough to talk about any concerns that may come up regarding the child.
The facts are the facts, he has an ex a new wife and a child who will always be part of his life.
2006-09-18 08:23:50 · answer #3 · answered by cdnponygirl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, its not like you guys were being sexually active and you'll be leaving him for his ex.
Just let him know that the two of you were able to have a conversation and before you knew it the time had flown by. Ask him if he's comfortable with it and if he isn't then tell him you'll try to keep your relationship with his ex more of a "association", per se'. If he starts yelling at you or something; try to make it sound like you haven't been able to connect with someone in a while and it was nice to have someone to talk too...maybe he's be nicer about it.
2006-09-18 08:17:32 · answer #4 · answered by flyboop_2000 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i thnk your husband is premature about this if he love you then he would under stand but with his ex-wife in the same room with you may be he feel that she told you some thing about his pass that he is afraid of letting you know because walking in to the house with both wife's talking and having tea that would shock any man but he knew she was coming over but he didn't know she was going to stay for tea so he has concern that may be she talk to you about the relationship they had and i think that what worry him.
2006-09-18 08:28:28 · answer #5 · answered by little ace 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is a hard thing to handle. But he should understand that you were only trying to help. No one in their right mind would think chatting with the ex on a regular basis is good. But it certainly doesn't hurt if you can be freindly.
2006-09-18 08:18:42 · answer #6 · answered by JUNONNKI 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't understand why it would be shocking to begin with. Does he hate his ex? Bad blood between them? I mean, she was good enough to have a child with, why wouldn't she be good enough for you to talk to? Before trying to "work it out", it would make sense to find out exactly which part of the situation made him uncomfortable to begin with.
2006-09-18 08:20:42 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I really don't see that anything is wrong with what happened. It's not like you insisted she stayed, or you interrogated it. If you guys just chatted about life, and there was nothing bad that happened, then its ok! Tell your husband everything that happened and what was said, hopefully he'll understand!
2006-09-18 08:16:24 · answer #8 · answered by The Muppet Fairy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should just tell him exactly what happened. Hopefully you did not bad mouth him to his ex.
If you care about him at all, your loyalty was to him, not her.
If you have nothing to hide, he will get over it. Make sure you are completely honest.
2006-09-18 08:17:05 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
if you are in a serious relationship with him then i don't see the problem. your gonna have to see her or talk to her at one point or another for his kid's sake anyway...she should be happy that it was civil...as long as you didn't bad mouth him
2006-09-18 08:20:24 · answer #10 · answered by t_perez1199 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋