Dating a married man?

Question

I am having an affair with a married man who says that he is unhappy in his marriage, but we don't talk about it much. I feel bad, but at the same time we have great sex. He has never mentioned getting divorced, but has commented on the lack of passion between them. I want something more of a commitment with him but am unsure of what to think. Talk about confused! Not just me but him too. He said he's not ashamed of me, but introduced me to his brother as someone that he works with. When his brother confronted him, he didn't deny our relationship. His friends know about me, and he loves bragging about me to everyone. I hate it when he leaves to go home, but I understand it. Am I crazy, or is there any kind of a future with him? Any responses from men who have done this would be great, and anyadvice from women who have had this kind of relationship would be invaluable. Thanks.

Answer 1

Obviously he is proud of his relationship with you. Don't you think that anything more permanent with him will always have that same chance in it as well? I am thinking it would only be a matter of time until he finds someone else just like you, with whom he could cheat on you with. That is just my opinion. And yes, it happened to me as well with my own husband. I took him back over and over, and he continued to do it. I do not recommend you continue the relationship. Prayers =)

Answer 2

You should end the relationship for the sake of everyone. His lack of passion for his wife is not reason enough for him to leave, the passion would probably be there if he concentrated on his wife more.

There is no future for the two of you. It's an old saying that says if you didn't get it right, you won't keep it. Chances are, he is not going to leave his wife and if so would you want him? If he is cheating on his wife, why don't you think that he will cheat on you? You know it's better when you have to sneak; meaning the fun in it all may not be as great for the two of you if you could openly be together. So, why are you giving your all to someone that can only be with you when it's convenient? You deserve more than what you are getting. You need to have someone that you can be with at all times and not when he can get away from his wife. You know, what goes around comes around. When and if you're married one day, would you want your husband running out on you? Think about what you are doing. When he brags about you, what is he saying? He just wants sex with you and that's all you're ever be able to provide to him. How long are you going to deprive yourself of true love?

Answer 3

His goal was to get into your pants,and he has succeeded in doing that.Everything he tells you after that is to keep you without abandoning his family.Looks like he has accomplished that as well.To him,you are that piece of *** he can run to when his wife won't give him any,and you may do things his wife won't do.That is usually the reason that a lot of men go to another woman.Has nothing to do with love,if it did he would be outwardly glad to announce you as his girlfriend.That is a brief description of what some men thinks of there woman on the side.Not a put down for you,but maybe an eye opener.Very seriously consider leaving him alone and not letting him come around again.Your confused now,if you continue you will be even more confused,worse when the lies are more and more often.AWAKE UP AND BE YOU OWN WOMAN,NOT SECOND TO A MARRIED (SO CALLED) man.You asked for women,I'm sorry I'm not.I felt that if you need advice,it would not matter where it came from as long as it is honest.

Answer 4

Well I had dated a long time with a married man. Now he is divorced and we are still together and everything is good now. It was a rough road getting to this point though. When a man leaves a woman for another, it is a mess. So if you think your strong enough to indure this than confront him about a divorce but if he doesn't want one than he may be just using you. Also if he is having a affair right now would he on you? If he loves you he'll pick you. But your the one that has the answer to these questions because you know him. If he doesn't want to be with you than enjoy the sex and meanwhile look for a person you want to be with when you find that person than ditch the bed buddy. Serves him right anyhow!! Good Luck with this. I can turn out great or suck.

Answer 5

To honest...I don't want to make you sad ...but you are stupid! You have no future with this man as a potential spouse. He has already demonstrated to you that he has no idea of commitment! He continually "uses" you for sex without any thought about getting divorced. He doesn't talk about it becasue he has no want to change his marital status.

You seem like a nice girl....go find a nice guy and have a nice life. Don't be a chump for a married guy to use. Look into the mirror and realize that the person you see there is a good person and worthy of all the respect and kindness that a good person such as your selfshould have!

Once again this guy is just using you for sex! Try a test....tell him you feel bad about the extra-marital sex and just want to have an "emotional" affair. You will find that he will drop you so fast it will take a month for your ash to catch up!

Good luck, this will be hard and you should get the company of many friends to help you get through this. You might even have to quit your job to escape this.

Act with honor and integrity and you will not go wrong!

Answer 6

Where do you think this will go? If he is not mentioning divorce, it is because he is not planning on getting one. How can he give you a commitment, when he already has one--MARRIAGE. You are the other woman, his fling on the side. The person he goes home to at night, spends birthdays, holidays and vacations with, is his wife. You are the person he screws, literally and figuratively. Do you have any plans in your life to ever be married? If you do, look for a single man that can give you the life that you want. I hope, for your sake, that you are never the wife being cheated on. It doesn't feel good, no matter what kinds of problems there is in the marriage.

Answer 7

YOU: I am having an affair with a married man who says that he is unhappy in his marriage, but we don't talk about it much. I feel bad, but at the same time we have great sex. He has never mentioned getting divorced, but has commented on the lack of passion between them.

HIM: He really is happy with his marriage. He just wants to tell you what you want to hear so he can get his fixin's on you.
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YOU: He said he's not ashamed of me, but introduced me to his brother as someone that he works with. When his brother confronted him, he didn't deny our relationship. His friends know about me, and he loves bragging about me to everyone.

HIM: You're the show & tell to his buddies.
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YOU: I hate it when he leaves to go home, but I understand it.

HIM: Although you may hate it when he goes home, but he loves it and looks forward going home.
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YOU: Am I crazy, or is there any kind of a future with him?

ME: You're crazy, and there is no future with him; and reading the responses from men should also tell you something. Read between the lines. I did.

Answer 8

From personal experience, these type of relationships are very confusing and emotionally charged. I offer you my sympathies for your difficult situation and I hope it turns out well for you.

While I was married, I had a passionate affair with a married Japanese woman. I ended up separating and divorcing, and not being with her either. I had intended to remarry the woman, but because she I and could not agree on any practical real life issues (beyond great sex and recreation together), we broke up after my separation. The woman later divorced and left the country.

One problem with affairs is that which you mentioned, the lack of clear definition of the partners roles'. Even when the partners seem to communicate well about their plans, the communication can be somewhat superficial because without getting divorced, the married partners really don't have full decision-making authority to back up the promises they make to their loved one. They tend to make general promises such as "I love you, I'll always be with you. We'll always be together. I love you, not my wife/husband." - which is not the same thing as "Because I love you, I have filed for divorce and I want to remarry you."

For your own emotional health, you need to understand the difference between mere feelings of love and actual committments someone makes.

Another problem are the discrepancies between people's love feelings and their practical life committments such as expectations to conform to their marriage, job, and other types of requirements. For example, mundane concerns such as "how will I pay my bills on time if my career-minded wife abandons me?" sometimes crop up.

Additionally, there is sometimes confusion because what the partners mostly do is have passion and fun together. It usually takes some unexpected drama before the two people who love each other try to formerly address what their future is. (In my case, it was my wife leaving me after learning more about the affair). Before this happens, there is a lot of uncertainty.

Best of luck to you.

Answer 9

Answer for you....GET YOUR OWN MAN!!! Come on, do you really have to stoop so low as to invade someone elses family. If he is doing it, then he's a bastard for doing it. What's wrong with you? Are there not Millions of other men out there, who might be single, or divorced? Look for a divorced one...if the whole being married thing turns you on, get a divorced one...at least he "was" married before right? ooohh how hot??? isnt it? In this position, your worse of a person than he is......he's unhappy in his marriage because he doesn't try to fix it and honestly, most of the time it's the mans fault, so he looks elsewhere...and you...your accepting him cheating on his wife and deceiving his family....your such a good person. (sarcasm)....find yourself someone else....A. He's not going to leave her. B. What happens if he's with you and he's unhappy after a while??? There will be another "you" asking this same question....C. It's completely immoral...just stop it. Let him deal with his own problems, and Find your own. I'm sure your not too ugly to find one.

Answer 10

It really seems like if you and his wife are the only ones being affected by this. This guy sounds like a REALLY selfish guy.

First of all, rather than telling you that what you are doing is wrong, I would recommend that you consider what kind of relationship you want to have with someone. If you were not in this situation, I am sure you would have imagined a relationship where you could meet each other's friends and family, instead of hiding. So he brags about you, I think he is really bragging about himself and how good he is to have a wife and a mistress on the side.

Don't cheat yourself but you really have no future with him. But you know what? I think you know that already.

Good luck.

Answer 11

It seems that you are selling yourself short. Don't you realize that this man is lying to the one person in his life that has put the most trust in him. What kind of morals does he have? If he is willing to betray his wife in this manner by no means will second guess doing it to you.
You should value yourself more. You can't respect yourself if you are willing to be second best. Because that's what he is doing to you. If he wanted to make a relationship with you and only you then he would have mentioned it by now and wouldv'e have taken steps to leave his wife. It sounds like his only intentions here are to satisfy his own needs. Get away from him. Of course it's easier said than done but you are much better off. You deserve someone that will value you and love you. Someone that will respect you.