I read an article that says that the latest research shows that joint custody is bad for kids. Each former spouse has a home. The kids do not. They are like constant visitors from one place to the next, not having a real home and not knowing whether his/her baseball glove or doll is at mom's or dad's. What do you think?
2006-09-18 06:48:44 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
http://www.thelizlibrary.org/liz/005.htm
2006-09-18 06:54:20 · update #1
Alternative? You can have sole custody with visitation by the other.
2006-09-18 06:54:56 · update #2
disagree. the kid has two homes.
2006-09-18 06:50:38 · answer #1 · answered by oldsoftee2001 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
NOOOOO!!!! I have joint custody with my ex and my little boy is (if I do say so myself) one of the most loved, well-adjusted children ever. The harm comes in when the parents run completely separate households - i.e. they have totally different rules, don't talk to one another or argue all the time, try to turn the kids against the other parent, etc. My ex and I are very good friends and spend a lot of time making sure that our son has consistency at both homes. And we have no problem doing birthday parties or whatever together - or separate. Whatever works....it's all about the kid. It's when parents lose sight of that when joint parenting is a problem.
2006-09-18 07:00:44 · answer #2 · answered by M K 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't agree with joint custody, but I have full custody of my three kids. I think the kids need the stability and they need to know that they have a home. I have to say that I do know a couple that are sharing custody of their kids and both parents have made their kids feel like they come first. They have nice bedrooms at both houses and on holidays and birthdays they all spend it together as a family. This works for them because the mother and father; although divorced, have made the kids the most important.
2006-09-18 06:59:25 · answer #3 · answered by heaven o 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree. My ex spouse and myself have joint custody of my youngest... although I have her 70% of the time we share 50/50 domicile. (makes no fking sense to me). Recently went through a court battle over which school district she'd be educated in. It's rediculous. She has no "home" therefore she has no home phone number, no home address... you ask her where home is and she can't give you an answer. It is not in the best interest of the child. Atleast, not in my case. I think a lot of people make the assumption that when one parent has custody that the child doesn't see or have a relationship with the other parent... not the case. It is very important for a child to have both parental figures in their life.
2006-09-18 06:55:16 · answer #4 · answered by sneakyfker 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My husband and I have joint custody of his children (they live an another state) but two years ago, we sat down and spoke with the children (ages 6 and 11) about their feeling. Both felt like a ping pong ball so we suggested that they stay with one of us during the school year and then spend 6 weeks out of the summer and alternate holidays with the other parent. At this time, the kids are with their mother full time and with us as outlined. My husband was smart tho' and had it written into the divorce decree that the children can say with which parent they wish to live with but that they must commit to one year. Our youngest now wishes to live with us and will be able to once the school year is complete.
Regardless of the custody situation, you need to be able to talk with your children and allow them to be honest with how the feel about the situation. Then one of the parents (preferably both but let's not hold our breath!) needs to be an adult and make a decision based on what would be best for the child(ren) involved.
Also, I firmly believe that it's how you approach the situation. OUr kids say they have two homes and know they're welcome and loved in both. My parents have accepted the kids as their grandchildren. My husband and I have a son from our marriage but we introduce all of the children as "ours". We don't consider them half brothers and sister... they're all brothers and sister. We consult the oldest two in decisions that may affect them, even with them not being here full time. It's all relative in how you treat your kids as to how well they feel accepted.
2006-09-18 07:40:59 · answer #5 · answered by cgspitfire 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have had this arrangement for the last 2 years. I have asked my kids what they preferred and they helped with the arrangement. Every Tuesday they go with their dad, every other Thursday they go opposite every other weekend. It helps that we are only 7 minutes away from one another, and it also helps that my ex & I are good friends. When the kids need something from their dad's we just stop there on the way to practice (football pads/cleats). We both attend school functions with the others significant other and my ex's girlfriend and I both do activities with the kids together. Guess I am just lucky that way... good luck!
2006-09-18 07:27:50 · answer #6 · answered by ms_happy_golucky2 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Strongly disagree. I've seen massive research to the opposite. Kids need both parents. Kids adjust to different homes, different rules. Kids don't adjust well to missing a parent. It takes both male and female points of view to raise a balanced boy or girl.
2006-09-18 06:58:41 · answer #7 · answered by shine_radiantstar 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Disagree! I think the parents need to be happy too! I would think that it's better for the kids because they have two homes where their parents are happier rather than living all together in a house filled with conflict!
2006-09-18 06:54:57 · answer #8 · answered by faith 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No I do not agree with you. The child should be able to see both parents, especially if the child is young so that he doesn't grow up wondering what his mother or father is like. There are exceptions though if one of the parents are abusive or irresponsible then I would say that the child should not be near that parent until he/she has straitened out her case.
2006-09-18 06:56:32 · answer #9 · answered by Clint S. 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
a Kid does absolutely need both parents. Joint custody is an absolute must. Thats what they make custodial custody for ( primary resident/school ect)
2006-09-18 06:52:49 · answer #10 · answered by greenie 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I TOTALLY disagree...I say they are lucky because they have 2 homes and they know if the glove isn't at this home, its at the other. I say they are lucky because they have the best of both worlds and get to spend equal time with both parents and can establish strong relationships one on one.
2006-09-18 06:51:48 · answer #11 · answered by Mean Carleen 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋