I am having feelings I have never had before. I am not a vindictive person, but after years of standing beside my bf and helping him with his drug addiction and he relapsed two weeks ago and I kicked him out. I am going back to college full time and he was paying the bills. He told me that he would take care of everything and stand beside me 100%. So I quit my job and went back to college. He then decided to start doing his drugs again and I could not go through that hell again so I booted him. The day I kicked him out he went to the bank and put a stop on the checks he wrote to pay for the bills. I am so ANGRY. I never did anything to hurt him. I have to children 13 and 15 and I cannot have drugs around my kids. What kind of person does that. He told me over and over again that I was the best thing that ever happened to him and I am the only one that ever tried to help him in his whole life. How could he be so mean and hateful. I just want to mess up his life.
2006-09-18 06:20:36 · 27 answers · asked by zora w 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I video taped him 2 wks ago while he was on Heroin and I just want to copy it and send it to his employer. Is this wrong to feel this way?
2006-09-18 06:21:54 · update #1
I did not kick him out because I hate him. I just lived in the fiery pits of hell for 4 yrs with his addiction and did everything and more to help me. I did nothing wrong to him. Why couldn't he have just left in a nice way and let whatever was done be done.
2006-09-18 06:24:09 · update #2
hopefully you diid not have joint accounts ... vindictiveness will only diminish you, and you are right to toss him out. while this may cause you undo financial strain, realize that he reacted to your ousting him cause his feelings were hurt.
it is common for hedonistic people to be oblivious of their fault in creating their misfortunes and to react as though they were the originally injured party.
in any case, do not try any kind of revenge because 1) you are not like that at heart, and 2) it would escalate until someone was really hurt (maybe even your kids)
he will realize in time that he screwed up and may try to come back, however, in my opinion, he has burned his bridges by his last action and you cannot help someone that is not willing to take responsibility for helping himself .. taking drugs is a willful act, he is not unhappy or disgusted with himself enough to change his habit of self-medicating for pleasure.
Find yourself a good man who does not need a crutch to live life, whether it be drugs or other women ... there are some out there that are willing to be good husbands to a good woman
contact your college office for financial aide programs for single moms (pell grants, AFDC, and other sources of assistance)
2006-09-18 06:38:37 · answer #1 · answered by casurfwatcher 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If you have stood by him for this long, then you know what addiction does to people. When they are high, they don't care about the people they hurt, all they care about is getting more drugs. You may in fact be the best thing that happened to him, but he's an addict and until he hits his bottom, he's going to keep using. Does he go to NA meetings, does he have a sponsor? Is he doing the things necessary to stay clean? If he's not then he has no hope of staying clean. This isn't about you, this is about him and his addiction. I can understand wanting to get revenge, but what would that do really? Would it really make you feel better or just give you a moment of false gratification. You did the right thing by kicking him out! Show him some tough love. Don't let him come back until he's willing do the things needed to stay clean. You need to start depending on yourself, get a job, take a break from school. I know it sucks, but you gotta look out for you and your kids. He's not stable enough to do that for you now! I know this is hard for you, but you'll get through it. Have you ever thought about going to Alanon Meetings?
My prayers are with you, I speak from experience, I am a recovering addict with 2 1/2 years clean, my husband has 7 years clean! We as addicts are hard people to love that's for sure, but there is hope, we do recover!!! Just do what's best for you and your children!!!
2006-09-18 06:41:10 · answer #2 · answered by faith 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Oooo, wow, a video tape? Maybe you should show your boyfriend so that he can actually SEE how he is! Please don't retaliate, it wouldn't be good for you or for him. If you do it, you'll end up feeling guilty and might not be able to deal with what you've done too well. Also, if you do it, he may lose his job and come crawling back to you for help or find out what you'd done, but in a drug-crazed state and do something horrible. Yes, he's screwed you and no, you don't need him around your babies. You did the right thing. Just be thankful that you were strong enough to get rid of him and use all that anger and resentment you feel towards him, put it into your education so that you can make a better life for you and your kids. But please forgive him. Best of luck to you!!!!!!!!
2006-09-18 06:30:42 · answer #3 · answered by swrong 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You are probably the best thing that ever happened to him, but his drugs will always come first in his life until he decides to STOP on his own. Unfortunately, something drastic will happen for this to occur. Anyway, don't loose out on any blessings that may come in your life by being vindictive. He's going to be trying to get you back real soon, and you have the opportunity to tell him about himself & his being very inconsiderate toward you & your kids. This would be the time to let him know that with prayers and his being gone things are going to work out for you & yours without his help. That will be part of his punishment if you don't take him back knowing what type of guy he really is now.
2006-09-18 06:32:52 · answer #4 · answered by msthinkpositive 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Don't do anything to get revenge. The best thing you can do is let him go. You have 2 children that need you. If you don't think all of this has affected them, you're wrong. I know how it feels to love an addict, and I'm sorry, but 99.9% of the time, they don't change for long. Get your life back together. Get you a job and focus on you and your kids. You are obviously a very caring person, but alot of times we become very co-dependent caretakers.
Just think about this. There is NOTHING you can do to him that's worse than the hell he's doing to himself. Just remember that. And DON'T talk to him anymore. DON'T get sucked back in. Addicts are master manipulators. He needs professional help, if you speak to him, advise him to do so and tell him you're out of that business.
Be strong.
2006-09-18 06:32:18 · answer #5 · answered by Leslie G 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If you were living together and both of you are on the bank account you should go to the bank.
If not you need to stay as far away from him a possible because people who are on heroin are not in the right state of mind and could possibly retaliate and hurt you or your children. You did the right thing by kicking him out!
Good Luck
Blessed Be
2006-09-18 06:25:24 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
You ask what kind of person does the things he did to you? The answer is simple -- a drug addict! I don't begrudge you your negative feelings, but look at it this way, you can't mess up his life any more than he is already messing it up himself with drugs. You did you and your kids a favor by kicking him out. Now move on. Finish college and make something terrific of your life. Remember, living well is the BEST revenge!
2006-09-18 06:24:32 · answer #7 · answered by jurydoc 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
you cannot help someone until they are really ready for help. you bf is a liar and a cheat because of the drugs. you have a right to be angry but not for revenge. you put up with him for 4 years, why are you surprised by his behavior? yes you are the best thing that happened to him, you made it EASY for him to continue to use drugs by "helping" him, when in reality you were just "enabling" him, but i doubt you knew this, i believe you were really trying to help, but you should of got rid if him 3yrs and 6mo ago! he was only using you, that what druggies do! i know your angry and what he did sucks, but revenge never hurts anyone but you. his life is drugs and he doesnt care about anything nor anyone else. i think you a better person than he is and getting revenge only makes you as mean as he is. look at this as a lesson learned, forgive and move on with you life, you deserve better and i hope you never become involved with a user again including alcohol. you kind of set yourself up for this by keeping him around so long, not that is was intentional but people cannot be helped until they have hit bottom and helping them only keeps them from getting the help they need sooner. good luck to you and your kids. by the way his life is already messed up!
2006-09-18 06:45:26 · answer #8 · answered by kini 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
thank you for helping him out for that long that's all you can do for a guy like that let him go leave him go throw his hell he lost you and that was the best thing he ever had to him that is part or his hell then the drugs will kill him look forward not back go on with your life good for you being in school and taking care of the kids good luck to and the kids
2006-09-18 20:58:26 · answer #9 · answered by freeman3905@sbcglobal.net 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't do anything against him, he is going to hang himself.
Technically speaking, you are responsible for yourself and your children, you can never depend on someone so unstable and with such tendencies. You should've used better judgement before quiting your job. You did the right thing by throwing him out, perhaps you should've waited until the checks cleared, why would you want to have someone like that around your children,
Why do women not think logically and jeopardize their children's lives, by being with men that are just not made to be in a healthy relationship, so don 't try to help him, help yourself by keeping a job and helping your children, raise them right, who cares if you are the only one who ever helped him, obviously he needs to grow up, why mess up his life? You have better get a hold of yourself and focus on what's important including your children's future, you could go to jail, if you do something against him, he has a drug addiction, get over the anger, you will be okay, just don't let him back in. Dr. Laura is right when she says in her book 10 stupid things women do to mess up their lives, look it up and read it, I strongly suggest you do.
2006-09-18 07:02:44 · answer #10 · answered by You are loved 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋