First off let me say that I truly feel confused, I am married for 3 years I think I married the wrong woman. There was no Sexual chemistry to start with. I think I have married for the wrong reasons. landed a good job, bought a house, got a dog, thought it was time i was dating my g/f for 4 years she was there for some tough times I love her but am not in love with her does that make sense? we have no kids. I am starting to have wondering eyes and have had eyes look at me also I need somone who I am sexually attracted I feel verry strongly about chemistry and think I may have found that person. Please do not bash me for being married and having wondering eyes. My wife and I have not been intimate for about 5 months and this has just recently been happening to me. I need to know if what I am feeling is true chemistry the other party has told me that she feels it too.
2006-09-18 06:17:13 · 19 answers · asked by Tom M 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It's been said that if a marriage is good, sex contributes about 5% to it. If it's not a good marriage, however, sex issues can contribute 95% to the problems.
I personally would hesitate to leave a 3 year marriage based on "chemistry" with someone. I'd prefer to work on making the sexual relationship within my marriage more interesting. The choice is yours, however, not mine.
2006-09-18 06:21:33 · answer #1 · answered by jurydoc 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, there's a problem if you haven't done anything for 5 months. I don't know if it's because you don't want to do her, or if she's not letting you have any.
If she's not letting you have any, then you need to tell her that you can't be married like this. That is not unreasonable to expect sex from your wife occasionally. And, the two of you should go get counseling.
If it's you, and you're not wanting to give HER any, then you should go get marriage counseling...still.
Notice that I am saying not to give up. At least go talk to a professional, and follow through with what they say. Don't make up your mind right now, which you seem to have done. I think you're hoping someone on here says, "You need to leave her man."
Don't. Be the couple that works through whatever happens, and keeps the marriage together. No one said marriage is easy, nothing worth having is easy. You have to think, this is a woman that has stuck by you for a long period of time. Why not at least give it a huge effort?
2006-09-18 13:22:50 · answer #2 · answered by rod_j_clifton 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you might be going thru the 3 year marriage itch...or the 7 yr itch if you count from the time u've been with ur wife...most people tend to feel the way u are feeling right now....if you want this relationship to work...you will have to communicate with your wife and let her know how you feel...i guess after you've been with someone for that long ....the passion and excitement does tend to fade...but here is where you need to act and try to reconcile with ur wife...you will have to weigh the pros and cons of why you are where you are today...remember ...a marriage involves 2 people...if u r becoming distant to your own wife and do not wish to be with her....u have to question yourself....how will it be better with the new person you gonna be than it was with ur wife? I would suggest you get marriage counseling before you make any drastic changes and hurt your loved ones.
2006-09-18 13:35:23 · answer #3 · answered by nfocuz00 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh wow..i have seen this happen before. well..first off you need to talk to your wife and tell her the truth. She will be pissed off. You made a mistake and we all do this. I hope you were not pressured into this marriage by her. I don't blame you for having wandering eyes..it's normal dude. Sex, making love whatever people call it is mental..Brain being the biggest sex organ. You are clearly miserable. YOu might want to get out of this before she says she wants kids. Please what ever you do..do not have kids and be careful not to get her pregnant because it complicates things. since you both don't have kids ..it makes it easier. if you are clearly not physically attracted to her and are not in love with her..you have to get out now! don't tell her about the other woman. But remember, attraction is not the only measure of love. attraction could be lust. so you should first focus on telling your wife how you feel..don't prolong it.
2006-09-18 13:26:03 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm not bashing you...I was in the same boat and my eyes wondered. I didn't cheat though, I left. But since your still married you should know that it's just lust...I would bet a million bucks that if you ended up divorced, this is not the girl you would end up with. She's just something to think about:)
2006-09-18 13:24:28 · answer #5 · answered by sasha 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think Dr. Phil said this before....if you have a healthy sex life, all of your problems seem to be unrelated to sex...if you don't have a healthy sex life with your wife, it seems that those problems carry over to every aspect of your relationship...
You love your wife, you've been with her for a good while, you owe it to yourself and her to try and bring back the love...try marriage counseling, anything to remind you of why you married her in the first place.
Try and be intimate with your wife without making it sexual. Reinforce those feelings by reminding yourself of how awesome a person she is!
Start simple, baby steps! Just hug her for a good while and tell her you love her!
2006-09-18 13:26:19 · answer #6 · answered by Rivrav 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should have thought about the sexual chemistry, if it was so important to you, before you married. Get a divorce if things are so bad for you. Do not cheat on your wife.
2006-09-18 13:39:44 · answer #7 · answered by doglady 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You and your wife needs to have a serious talk about you guy's relationship. And after that is over and you still feel the same way, end it. Don't waste your and her time being unhappy. Thank God for the time that it lasted, but move on. Time is too precious. No kids, no ties.
2006-09-18 13:37:27 · answer #8 · answered by LiStEN<<<Is Retired!! 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are married, work on that problem first. Go to a qualified counselor with your wife and separately, if necessary.
Stay away from the wandering eyes woman. That only adds to the problems you already have. I understand horny, but back away from the other woman. It will only make matters much, much worse.
2006-09-18 13:23:06 · answer #9 · answered by daj11551 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What u r feeling is not love. U r just acting out because of u being deprived of sex. Those are pretty harsh words u hve written the hon. How could anyone after marrying his wife saying he is not inlove with her...dat's rubbish!
I suugest u talk this out with ur wife and let her know what is bothering u.
Seek professional help u idiot!
2006-09-18 13:29:41 · answer #10 · answered by Miss-Kenya 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋