My wife has put on 50-60 pounds since giving birth to our son. I love her but have no interest in her sexually anymore, none. The thought of touching her in that way makes me sick. What should I do? How do i get her to lose the wieght? Am I a bad person? Do you think its fair that she has altered his physique so drastically that she does'nt even look like the beutiful woman I married. I have a good job, am a great father and provider, why should I put up with this?
2006-09-18 05:32:15 · 52 answers · asked by kmankman4321 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
FYI its been 3 years since she has given birth.
2006-09-18 05:54:39 · update #1
Well, at least you are honest and asking questions and that is a start. Just because your wife is fat now and it grosses you out does not make you a bad person - don't listen to all the other a5sholes calling you names.
We could use more details. Have you asked her about it? Has she refused to try to diet? Does she not give a shite? Is she paying all her attention to your child? Look in the mirror too and ask yourself if there is something that has changed about you (have you picked up a few pounds too?). There are a lot of things that could be going on here that you have not mentioned. To start, you view her extra weight as a problem and that being heavier is not only unattractive, it is unhealthy. Ask her how YOU can help her lose the weight. Tell her you love her and are concerned for her. If she asks if her weight grosses you out, be honest, but gentle and loving about criticism. I had a friend whose wife gained in her words "only" 80lbs and she thought there was no problem - when my friend stopped having sex with her she did not have clue (really) as to why until he told her - she was crushed, but got over it and lost the weight. The best thing that he told her was that it took 9 months to gain the weight so getting it off would take at least as long.
The weight issue is not just "her" problem it is a problem for the marriage which consists of two people.
Now....if you have done all the above and she just doesn't give a shite - you'd better see a marriage counselor soon. Good Luck (sincerely)!
2006-09-18 06:30:52 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 1⤋
Boy I sure hope you are a good father because you sound like a jack *** of a husband. I sure hope you never gain weight or lose your hair because they you may not be the same man your wife married and I hope she wouldn't feel the same way. It's not easy to lose weight after a child - if she has put on the weight since giving birth find out if she is okay - she may be suffering from post pardum depression. Also, may want to get her Thyroid checked as that happened to me - mine just stopped working after I had my son and I couldn't figure out how I was starving myself and not losing. I would also try to find activities that they two of you can do together. Find out if she would like a membership to a gym or some sessions with a personal trainer but the most important thing you can do is let her know you still love her and think she is beautiful no matter what - you married the woman inside her not the woman outside - When a woman feels loved she will do wonders to be desired - not touching her is not the answer. Be supportive, help her along.
2006-09-18 05:37:41 · answer #2 · answered by trahub66 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Well just to let you know that through the years people change and appearances changes also. I believe that love goes way deep than looks and if you were really in love with your wife, her gaining weight or even going bold for example would not even matter to you. You should look at the bright side of eveything and appreciate her because she gave birth to your child which is a blessing and you should always be grateful that you have someone as special as your wife to spend your life with. Many people take there love ones for granted but the reality of it all is that if you leave you wife and find someone else, the chances of that person gaining weight is the same as your wife. You need to love your wife and if she feels she need to loose the weight then you help her along and be her number one support system. Live Life, Love Life, and LOVE THE PEOPLE IN YOU LIFE :)
2006-09-18 05:40:21 · answer #3 · answered by loveable 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, um, women's bodies change after childbirth...she had YOUR child. She may have underlying problems that's messed up with the weight loss. Depression, exhaustion, hurt feelings, and that maybe she's too busy to get back into shape. I'm sure she senses your disgust in her and I'm confident that she's in a great deal of pain. I'm sure she's also worried that with your reactons, that she'll lose you and she'll be left with the baby (which she WON'T give up to you) alone and feeling like a failure. If you truly love her, you'd want to help her. Are you in such a great shape that you don't need exercise? Then you and she can work out together. Maybe you should be helping her out more with the housework/cooking to give her time to recouperate from having the baby.
Do I think it's unfair "she" changed her physique? Uh, you have to take some blame in that situation. You mention you have a good job and you're a great father and provider....I disagree, you're NOT a good provider. Where's the love, support, stability? Hmmm, how would you have felt if your dad left your mom after having you because she got fat???? You evidentally don't love her!!!! Hey, if you stick it out with her, maybe she'll feel disgust with you when your hair starts receding, thinning, balding and you've got a gut. Maybe she'll come on and ask us the same question you did.
2006-09-18 05:49:08 · answer #4 · answered by swrong 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Well, you don't mention being a good husband! You can't understand how having a baby changes your body. Taking care of a baby is very time consuming and it could be that she has some depression. You not wanting to touch her or make love to her will only make things worse! Would you want her to feel the same way about you if the tables were turned? Why not ask her to go on walks with you and take the baby? If you truly love her it should not matter. She can still make you feel good! This is your problem not hers!
2006-09-18 05:41:49 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
How old is your son? Did she just have him? Is she breastfeeding?
You might have a good job, be a good provider and father, but you are not being a good husband. You should put up with it because you are married, because she just had a child, and because (if she is breastfeeding) the nutritional value of her milk should be important to you too.
You sound like you are not making her feel any better... and you sound like you married her just for her looks - nothing for her mind or soul or any thing other than the outside.
There are going to be changes to her body over the course of your lives - and your body is going to change too! One day, YOU will probably look pregnant - even though you are a man. Will you expect your wife to love you still? Will you leave her if she ages?
Why don't you try making her feel better about herself. Tell her how lovely she is... make sure that there are healthy foods in the house. Take nice, long walks with her and the baby after dinner. Plan active weekend getaways. Don't bring home McDonalds or unhealthy take out foods. Pump her up so that she will feel good about herself, encourage her - don't ignore her, make fun of her, bug her about her weight. If you make her feel bad, you will push her toward food.
Change your attitude. Remember the total woman that you married. Quit being so superficial.
2006-09-18 06:00:30 · answer #6 · answered by Only_my_opinion 4 · 2⤊ 2⤋
I think the criticism you are receiving on here is very unfair.Loving someone doesn't ensure you will be sexually attracted to them. I would have a heart to heart with her and let her know you will give her whatever support she needs to lose the weight. She will not only look better but once she starts seeing a change she will feel better and be healthier. Just make sure you talk to her in a nice way and let her know you miss the woman you married.
2006-09-18 05:44:49 · answer #7 · answered by Nunya 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Ok, first of all, get a grip here. She's had a baby and it's not always easy to lose the weight. Hopefully you didn't just marry her for her looks, or you could be a bit more compassionate here. Here's what you do. Suggest that you both need to get more active. Then take the baby in the stroller and start walking every night. This will give you time together to talk, you'll get exercise and the baby should love it.
2006-09-18 05:38:21 · answer #8 · answered by Leslie G 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
First of all how much weight have you put on. It is very hard to loose pregnacy fat but if you are really worried about this Do exercises together say hey babe lets go for a walk with the kids and we can talk at the same time. But she will only loose the weight if she really wants to. You should love her for her not her looks. But try encourging her if she is trying to loose weight because it is hard to loose weight it not easy specially if you are doing it by yourself without someone else doing it with you. But do not be so critical i bet you gained and change your looks since you guys got married but just help her and do not be negative towards her bc that will make much more harder for her if she is trying to loose weight.
2006-09-18 05:38:07 · answer #9 · answered by knowssignlanguage 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, you need to talk to her and tell her what youre feeling. Being a mother is tough, and also a wife. So much is expected of us, and then they want you to lose weight too. Mothers are worn out. It may take her some time to get the weight off. Maybe you could do something together that is good for both of you, Go do something that gives you both some exercise.
2006-09-18 05:35:53 · answer #10 · answered by ~~ 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋