I just found out my husband has been having an affair. He says he's sorry and wants to stay together. I thnk he only wants to stay together so he won't have to pay child support. I just don't know want to do.
2006-09-18 04:51:04 · 40 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Obey your husband as the good book says!!!!!
2006-09-18 04:53:14 · answer #1 · answered by jb 4 · 0⤊ 4⤋
He is only sorry because you found out. He might even be continuing the affair, just more careful about it. As far as what you should do, that's up to you.
You do have options...You can stay with him and hope he will change and work on your marriage...Maybe try counseling...Or you can leave him, get a divorce, may him pay child support and start living your life for you...right now he has been living his life for him. Having his little affair and still having his family at home.
So it's up to you what step you want to take next, but if you do choose to stay, don't tolerate this behavior again.
By the way...Don't stay because of the kids. That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard. The kids will see your misery and pain and they will not be happy. Do what's best for you because in turn, that will be what's best for the kids. Just be civil to each other no matter what it is...And keep in mind that had he not have gotten caught, he would not be sorry about this.
2006-09-18 04:54:43 · answer #2 · answered by Truth Hurts 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
The bible says that the one thing a person can live there spouse over is infedality. If he did cheat, and you know you cant live with him. Leave him. It's okay in god's eyes...and that is all that matters.
Honey, if you're not happy, than sticking it out isn't going to help. Try and sit him down and talk to him about it. Find out why he he did this. If he's not willing to try and work on it, then maybe the relationship just isn't right for the two of you. Don't stay together just because you feel that you have to, believe me, thats what my parents did, and things like that will forever impact how they treated each other. This really affects how i view relationships. They (your children) are watching everything you guys do. Try and work it out, and if it doesn't work, then move on..It will be hard, i can't even imagine, but girl, do it for you and the kids. You deserve the best!! Good luck.
2006-09-18 04:56:58 · answer #3 · answered by racingurl37 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Do you still love him? If so, then he must remove all habits that led to the affair. No contact with the woman etc...
Child support is a non issue he will be paying that no matter what and I believe you might be entitled to 1/2 his retirement earnings once you have been married beyond 10 years. If you live in a community property state then you are entitled to 1/2 everything anyway on top of that. If you love him and want to try again then do. You have children and men can be very very stupid. When it comes to affairs they generally don't think with their hearts the way women do. The consequences of staying together or breaking up are yours to deal with so noone can judge you either way.
2006-09-18 04:56:20 · answer #4 · answered by GrnApl 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
what an awful thing to have on your mind,,honestly,,if it were me i would need some time without him there and if he is sorry he will give it to you,,have a rant and a rave,,you are entitled,be angry,cry,,you need these stages to get a clear head,,you have to be shown that he really wants to return and if he goes nowhere and you let him stay the chances are the both of you will slip back into the old routines and the first time you feel insecure and say something he will go over board and say you have no right,,,he must realize there are consequences to his actions,he needs to understand the boundaries you will be pushed to and this behavior is it,,,,,,you need time to actually look at him again and you cannot do that and still carry on normal life if he doesn't go away for a while,,to talk openly and get all the reasons he has done it out in the open is the only way you can truly believe him and what he says,,trust is easily broken and hard to fix,give it time,,talk and dont accept excuses,,you need to know what happened between you and him and you must believe him,,dont let the grass grow and end up right back where you started
2006-09-18 05:12:03 · answer #5 · answered by lex 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Think first, WHY did he cheat in the first place, and go from there. Maybe it was a wake up call for both of you, and maybe he truly is sorry, maybe you could be stronger together now knowing what happened to make him go to another woman. You need to talk and only you can tell if he is truly sorry, or if it is just about the child support. If it's just the money thing, move on!!!
2006-09-18 05:21:57 · answer #6 · answered by sheilalyn83 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First off, having an affair and having a fling are two different things. I assume this affair has/had been going on for a while.
If it was a one time fling in a moment of weakness, maybe forgive him, but on YOUR terms.
Since it was an affair, it sounds like he is sorry he got caught. If you find it in your heart to forgive him, can you ever fully trust him again? Probably not. Especially if it was with a younger woman.
Sounds like he was trying to keep the old Buick running while test driving corvettes.
2006-09-18 05:54:53 · answer #7 · answered by dooter686 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think every decision should be made by you and only you. each case is different. you need to ask yourself if you can live with his infidelity. Kids aren't always better off if you stay together and there is tension and arguments all the time. I believe marriage is based on trust. Without that.....Can you rebuild your trust in him and most importantly do you want to?????
Ask yourself if he is worth it? All the hurt, the rebuilding, the work that has to be put in by both of you.Is it all worth it?Does he deserve another chance?? Does he deserve to be forgiven?Is he truly sorry for the affair or just sorry he got caught?What makes him so special that he deserves another chance when he didn't respect you enough not to cheat?
Good luck to you.
2006-09-18 04:58:04 · answer #8 · answered by me2 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Wow, well its always a hard one that. My personal belief is that people make mistakes, the harder thing to find is someone who will admit them and try to learn from them. I am not excusing what he did, he will still have to deal with the impact it has had on you. Which is mainly a loss of trust. Which will have to built up again over time, if you are willing to do that. Though at least you know he had the integritt to own up to what he did.
You cannot make him suffer for it for the rest of the marriage either, it would be better to end it now. Unless you are trully willing to forgive him, and let him work to gain your trust again then you should sit down and discuss the best way to create a good environment for your children.
Look inside your self and see if you are willing to go beyond what this usually means for most people. When you make your choice stick with it and dont look back.
Good luck, you will make the right choice.
2006-09-18 04:59:32 · answer #9 · answered by Mindwalker 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Oh Come On!, Ask yourself first. WHY WOULD HE DO THAT. Men do not stray for no reason.
You are either not attractive enough or you are not doing everythng you should to please him, either way IT IS YOUR FAULT. Instead of blaming him, why dont you work out how to please him and keep him happy. Remember a happy dog does not stray.
Tone up, make an effort, watch some porno ask him what he wants to do and never say no..and think about how you could satisy him and what you think he would like. Or it will happen with the next guy and the next until you end up in a vicious circle.
2006-09-20 23:05:03 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's right...he is sorry....a sorry a$$.....but regardless, if it were me, I'd be gone. Your children deserve to be raised in a home where the parents love each other and respect each other, and even though you can hide the fact of an affair from them, you can't hide how your feelings will change for your husband now, and that's obvious to children.
2006-09-18 05:32:27 · answer #11 · answered by bluez 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋