people always say go with your gut feeling?

Question

or trust your womans instinct as to whether your man is cheating?
What if you are just imagining it. my husband has been distant lately, and i overheard him talking on the phone to the secretary, whilst he wasn't saying anything "wrong", he was talking and joking with her in a way that he only used to talk to me, you know like playful teasing.
But i am quite insecure so maybe my instinct is faulty?!!

Answer 1

I am so sorry you are hurting, I have issues with insecurity also. I will say this, before you go off accusing him and making him angry with you.... I do believe a woman has a built in instinct to help guide her through life. However, I also think that insecurities can also get the best of a person and blur that intuition we have. Ask yourself... was the phone call necessary, are the phone calls happening to often? If you are truly bothered by his closeness with her, tell him you just aren't comfortable with his friendship he has with her and ask him to keep it just business. Reverse it on him and ask him if he would like it if you were cutting up on the phone with a guy from work. If he gets defensive then.... You might have to play investigator a bit. Check cell phones, phone records, is he coming home from work on time, is he eating his lunch in or out, what is his behavior if you go to the office to pick him up for lunch? Most of all, is he pulling away from you, getting angry for no reason, or just doesn't want anything to do with you sexually, these are signs of an affair.

If he is still treating you normally, then his friendship with this secretary might be innocent, but I will tell you this..... a male - female friendship can develop into more than a friendship if they start using eachother for comfort.

I hope it all works out ok. But it will tear you up inside if you don't try doing something about the feelings you are having. Try clearing this up. Good luck!

Answer 2

Try sitting down and bring up the subject of his secretary and see what he has to say. I think wives (overall) at some time or other, feel insecure with the husbands Secretary. He sees her more than you. He has a work relationship with her, that you don't know much about. Most of the time, the secretary is younger, many are not married.
What do you do all day everyday? Work, take care of the kids, maybe you are being too suspicious.
Don't start something, that you wish you had given more thought to in the beginning, but on the other hand it doesn't hurt to keep communication opened with your husband, plan things for the two of you to do together. Don't give him a reason to have to find companionship somewhere else.

Answer 3

I totally sympathise with you. Everyone always says trust your instincts but what if your instincts are wrong or like you say, your insecurities and your feelings are interfering with your instincts? Its a tricky situation.

But.... people say "trust your instincts" for a reason. Despite all your doubts, place your trust with your insincts and that what you have to do in this situation.

You know your husband better than anyone and you instinctively know if something is wrong there and you need to talk to him about this. I'm not suggesting he is cheating but there obviously is something wrong if he is more distant. The best thing you can do is talk to him, offer your support if he needs it and let him know you're there if he needs you..... and then keep your eye on him!!!

Good luck.

Answer 4

Maybe you should just tell him how you feel. If there is nothing to worry about he will be considerate towards your insecurities and should be able to put your mind at rest.

But you have to be prepared to get an answer you dont like too. Its a horrible choice but something has made you concerned enough to post it on here.

I'm sure he is just enjoying an innocent flirt, as would I and it would not mean I loved my partner any less, its just a cheap ego boost which never hurt anyone as long as it never goes too far.

Answer 5

Q1: Do you firt with other people?
... if yes,
Q2: Do you have sex with everyone you flirt with?

Keep an eye out for the signs. Insecurity aside, you'll know.
Sadly, distancing himself may be because of other issues *to include* cheating, so look for others as well.

As for his flirting with his secretary, as long as you're the only one he does anything with, stop tripping.

... but do let him know how his flirting makes you feel. Communication is the key, especially in this case. You two really need to talk.

Answer 6

Do a little research first before you jump to any conclusion, a little snooping will help but dont get caught, or you can go with your women instinct, but sometimes our women instinct isnt always right

Answer 7

I'd agree with going with your gut feeling, it's normally right. I'd keep a close watch on him for now and try to get some proof before you confront him about whether or not he is cheating.

Answer 8

tread carefully- my gf sometimes will have a crazy dream and then the next day be in a mood with me! Hang fire on any accuzations and just try and get close with him again. At the same time keep an eye on where he is going and what he's doing- SUBTLY!

Answer 9

to be quite honest, asking him or telling him your feelings, isn't going to work. actually, the only way you will know is to get proof. you won't be satisfied unless you know 100% that he is being faithful. i thought my husband was cheating and i later found out, he was! do as much research as you can. see if he gets as turned on sexually as he used to. the moment he gets home, try getting him aroused. if he doesn't, you might have a problem. you may e-mail me if you want to know more. i can probably help. good luck!!

Answer 10

if your gut feeling is often stable, then choose for it. in case you're often approximately 50% superb or much less approximately your gut feeling, then i might wait it out awhile to work out the effect.