checked my pc for downloaded pics the other day and there they were..PORN..staring right back at me. He has been looking agian..What to do? btw..we have been married for 6 years and have 2 kids and I am a christian and he professes to be one also...really confused...I have put up with physical abuse, verbal abuse, one affair, no attention, him ignoring our son, and the PORN. I am so tired..emotionally and at the end of my rope...HELP!!!
2006-09-18 03:47:27 · 47 answers · asked by T&E 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
we have already done the christian counseling thing. seperated once and as far as obeying my hubby..being christian like...I do. that is why I am still in this mess. after he had the affair, I forgave him and in God's eyes when you forgive and forget and go back, you can't use that excuse for a divorce after the fact...(already consulted my pastor)
2006-09-18 03:53:14 · update #1
You and your husband both sound troubled. it's too bad that you have kids in the middle of this. You say you are a christian, forget talking to him about it and he seems like he has a few issues he needs to clear before he says he is into the christian thing.
what is the physical abuse about? verbal? you need to figure out why he is being this way? is this somethign you knew about him before you married him? if so..then you made the wrong choice. if not then you need to seek help. Talk to him. if he is physcially abusive and verbally abusive and is doing it in front you your children, they will be impcated in the wrong way. SO please stop this from happening in front of your kids or you will raise abusers like your husband and you don't want to do that.
regarding the porn, what do you expect? he is a man and it's normal to do that. he must be sexually frustrated so don't worry about him. He sounds like a low class man who disrespects you. Well the fact that he has already had an affair is grounds for divorce not to mention the physical abuse, and verbal abuse.
You need to move on for the sake of your kids and you. Please don't stay in this realationship.
2006-09-18 03:58:22 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you are willing to put up with physical abuse, verbal abuse, affairs no attention, and ignoring your son, but it is porn that puts you over the edge, then your priorities are screwed up. The dorr should have been slamming behind him at the fisrt signs of verbal abuse. Get him out of your life before he physically harms you and your son seriously. Seek counseling for yourself and your son, and divirce this guy. It's not the porn, it's the person. In this case, he's a loser. Good Luck.
2006-09-18 04:15:37 · answer #2 · answered by Mr. Grudge 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Now, I'm not a Christian, so I'm not sure exactly how to phrase this, but the first thing you need to do to help this situation is to quit being dutiously understanding (and just blindly forgiving him) and instead be assertively firm. You don't have to leave him, but he must
To do so, you have to make it clear to him that you want to have a dialog about this, that he must hear you out, and must explain himself and his actions to you, and MUST come up with a plan to change his behavior. You must be very clear that what he is doing is unacceptable, but you should **not** focus on the porn. The physical abuse, verbal abuse, disrespect for you and his son, and lack of concern of the well being of others is more important, and you don't want the argument of "see, I stopped using porn for you" to be an argument wedge against you later.
Either way, make sure you are crystal clear that you aren't going to take the abuse any more. And don't let him use your religious views against you.
2006-09-18 04:04:04 · answer #3 · answered by derandnet 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Grow up and stop being so immature. If you don't want to look at porn, stop checking your PC for downloaded pics -- it's that simple. It sounds to me like you're letting your own insecurity and immaturity about something trivial negatively affect your relationship, while simultaneously letting your husband off the hook for really serious stuff like the affair, the neglect, and the abuse. It is time for you to develop a sense of priorities, and in the list you made, porn is way down at the bottom of what's important.
2006-09-18 03:52:51 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
What other sign are you looking for??? He has done everything wrong in the book of what not to do in marriage. You now have to think long and hard on what will be the best option for you and your kids stay and try to work it out or think about a seperation. It probabally isn't what you want to hear but is something you have to seriously look into. Talk to a close respectable girl pal or even your mother if she is around to do so they are always a big upper in the department of cheering people up and have great advice.
2006-09-18 03:51:30 · answer #5 · answered by jellybean669 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The question is.. what makes forgiving him this time any harder/different from forgiving him all the other times? Something must be different now to make you want to do anything other than what you have done in the pass. If nothing has changed then you are only equipped to forgive. (Get a degree/professional job/become more independent/find a lover/inherent some money/catch a STD... then you will have the power to move on) Something has to change in you before you can make a change.
2006-09-18 03:55:05 · answer #6 · answered by lily 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Seems to me out of that list of things, porn is the least of your problems. Those other issues are way larger and if they are still issues then maybe it is time to think about what is best for your future and the future of your kids. Right now I see a woman who is quickly approaching that point where things are so bad that she can't even find the emotions let to cry. At that point you have to end things and move on with your life or you will never be happy.
2006-09-18 03:50:53 · answer #7 · answered by rkrell 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it is time to get out of that marriage--if you can call it a marriage. Once a cheater--ALWAYS A CHEATER!!! He does not sound to be a Christian to me if he beats you, cusses at you, ignores his own flesh and blood and has an addiction to porn!!! I would divorice his *** right away and try to make the seperation a pleasant one for your children. But--get everything you can from him for everything he has done for you. Have you looked into some sort of counselling for yourself and children? Screw him and the horse he rode into your life on!!! Good luck!! Perhaps he should have made an effort to realize what he has is life is good.
2006-09-18 03:52:14 · answer #8 · answered by jgmarletmissionmiddleschool 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Create your space, where the only person who can enter is you. That way you can get away from your constant pressure and meditate. Do not let him raise his voice on you . When he does you can do what you feel like scream or whatever that you do , Do Not do it out of anger because if you do you will not win! You spouse is being let astray by what's his watching , and that's why everything else in his life goes down as well his family and other areas of life he also taking all of his family down with him. You can let him or leave him . If you leave him out of love so he can wake up one day and see what's his done Trust me he is goignt o want to come home to you just let him know that you will wait . and that he has to get protection from these demons :)
2006-09-18 03:57:49 · answer #9 · answered by Tellie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The porn is not an issue, the abuse is. Maybe he doesn't know the attention you need. If you are at the end of the rope and have tried consouling then its time to cut the rope.
2006-09-18 03:51:51 · answer #10 · answered by JoeP 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋