How do I control my son?

Question

He is 16, and I have suspected him of doing drugs. He sniffles all the time and has no energy. He didnt even go out for football(his love). He changed his friends, comes home when he wants. I have talked about it with him, but he just tells me he is fine. I am a single mom and I have no one to help support me and I feel I really cant control him. I am so worried. I don't know what do do.

Answer 1

There are several things that can be done since you've talked to him repeatedly without change.

1. First, get him a doc's appoint. He might be sick. It's obvious he's not "fine". They'll run some tests that can prove if drug use is there.

2. Some police depts. have specialized people who talk to youths about these things. It's not an arrest or anything that will cause legal trouble, but it can wake the kid up to the dangers.

3. Have a good male figure to talk to him, like a good friend or family member. Sometimes that can help, too.

4. Mean business when you tell him something to do or not to do. Put him on punishment if he disobeys or take away privileges. You can't be wishy-washy with kids!

5. He should have daily chores so he can contribute to the household and learn some work ethics. Tell him he has to clean the yard or the house or the whatever. Give him a time to start and a time to stop. Let him know the two of you are working together. Kids respect that and won't feel "used" as a maid.

6. Don't allow him to be holed up in his room for hours without contact with you. Hiding out like that can get dangerous. Watch what he's watching and listening to. Discuss things with him and remain firm on things that can not be allowed in your house. Let him know that these things must go and it's non-negotiable.

7. You have to step into his space with love and firmness. He'll get mad, maybe scream or yell, but don't let that level continue. Step up to him and tell him you will not tolerate that tone of voice and if he wants to talk to you he'd better change his tone.

8. Go through his room with him and clean it out. Let him know that although you respect his space, harmful stuff won't be tolerated.

9. These are ways to show you care. You are his mother, not his friend because friends don't have parental responsibilities. His anger won't last forever.

10. Forgive him and forgive yourself for your mistakes. Ask God to guide you through this rough time.

These things won't work if you don't have a basically good relationship with your son from birth. If you've been too passive with his discipline he'll have no respect for you and feels he can do whatever he wants. If you've been harsh, he still won't have respect for you and will despise anything you say.

You can re-established a good relationship by coming to him and apologizing for any wrongs you've done. Then talk about the solutions you have and listen to what he has to say. Listening don't mean you agree, but it means you care. He's gonna be mad at you and may try the cold shoulder thing, but don't let it get too far.

I've raised 2 boys and a girl. We had to do tough love on all 3 when they were this age. We also let them know that if they get out of control in this house they will be asked to leave, which let them know they'd better control themselves.

Kids can talk a good game, but you have to stay focused on the true goal. All 3 of mine are doing great today! There is still hope for you can yours. Sorry to talk so long, but this is such a powerful topic and it can't be fixed with a few words. My best to you and your son!

Answer 2

He is acting out and rebelling. He is old enough to get a job. Start there. Go c the school counsellar. He might hate u, but if he is involved with drugs drastic messures needs to be taken. What has he been eating lately? Change his diet to healthy eating and everything in moderation. C if u guys can do more things together. Going to the gym, taking a run in the mornings or at nite. Get a nice group activity that u both can paricipate in together. Dont forget to take him for a drug and HIV/Aids test. Ppl that r involved with drugs tend to get deceases easier. Just tell him its for him to be on your medical aid of pension fund or something. His 16 he wont know that much about things like that. He is probably just rebelling. He wants to be treated like an adult so give him adult responsibilities, speak to him like a person and not as your child. He is acting out, feeling alone wants attention most probably. Its hard being a single mom. My mom raised me by herself to. Im 21 now. Went through the whole drug thing. Been clean for a 4 years now. Not looking back.
Drugs r a very serious thing. There r some that u try once and your hooked forever. U just cant seem to let it go. Ull start doing crazy things just to get some drugs.
Get help immediatly. It doesnt matter how many times he screams he hates u and hurtful things he will say and the sarcastic hatefulness in his voice. It is for his own good. He will thank you someday. If your right and I hope your not. This is going to be the most diffucult time in your life. Go c a bunch of ppl get pamflets that kinda things b4 doing anything rash. This is something u gota do with suttlety and tact.

Answer 3

Sorry for your problems.
I truely believe the key to good parenting is "Tough love".
If you suspect him of drug use go get a drug test. You can even buy some over the counter these days. Get involved with what he is doing, who he is with and where he is as much as you possibly can. Don't wait until its too late. At sixteen most kids are influenced alot by the people around him. When you make a rule stick to it and follow what punishment you decided. If he doesn't come home call the police and have him picked up. Eventually he will catch on that you are serious. Whatever a kid knows they can get away with they will do.....why not! This all may sound harsh but right now you are either going to make him or break him. If he continues doing what you said it will break him to the point he can't be fixed. Good Luck

Answer 4

Well if you've already sat him down and talked about this with him, surely you must have gotten some insight as to why the sudden change in behavior. If he's still sticking to his story that everything is just fine, then surprise him with a drug test. You can buy them at Walgreens. Before making him take the test, sit him down and explain to him why you are making him take it. Tell him that his behavior has caused concern and you don't want to see him go down this road. Tell him that you'll ease up on him if he passes it, but right now, you can't take his word when your mother's intuition leads you to believe something else is going on. Then take the test and go from there. It might also be a really good idea to set a curfew for him. When he doesn't abide by it, ground him. He's only 16 honey, not 18 and just about every city has a curfew for minors. Find out what yours is and use it.

Answer 5

At age 16, he is nearly an adult, and will be impossible for you to 'control'. When kids this age have changes in their behavior, desires, and friends - all can be warning signs of drug use. But, until you know for sure - keep in mind that there could be other causes, including mental and physical. Consider the possibility of a viral illness, such as mononucleosis - which typically lasts for weeks with malaise & fatigue. Also consider depression as a possible culprit.

As much as kids this age value their space - as a parent, you owe it to your son and yourself to search his belongings for other signs of use. Look in his room, under furniture and in any crevice where paraphernalia or drugs might be present. Don't ransack the place - if he knew you were invading his privacy, he would only become more defensive and withdrawn. If you find nothing, then persue the possible medical issue. Insist on taking him to his doctor for blood work and proper diagnosis. Tell him how concerned you are for his health - and express your worry.

He will thank you for your love and concern when he is an adult.

Answer 6

changing friends and not coming home when you tell him to are red flags i have 4 sons and i have had my troubles with them falling into the wrong groups too if you are thinking he is doing drugs they only way to know for sure is a drug test alot of schools now require a drug test for school activities so that could be the problem with him not wanting to play but as moms we know our kids and there is something about whats going on that has put this thought in your head try to get the drug test there is a chance he will refuse to take it and then you will have your answer anyway do you have a father, brother, cousin thats able to talk to him? if not seek outside help the longer you wait the worse it could get be strong and keep trying the battle you wage could be what he needs to see how much you care good luck

Answer 7

Stop using words like control, thats a huge problem. He is his own person and sometimes no matter how good your intentions are and all the good you do for people they will, in the end, go their own way. Once you realize that, you can take a new approach to this....
Instead, say you want to HELP your son. Is their a father in his life? I would get him involved in helping your son. I think you should call a substance abuse counselor and speak to that professional and explain your problem. Someone in that field of study might be able to help you a lot more than us. The professional could probably give you advice and more information on the what and what not's of dealing with this problem.

Answer 8

If you can't control him, you have two choices. One choice is, him doing drugs is not a big deal, something you may not like, but you can live with it. If this is the case, ask him if he is using drugs, and if he admits that he is, ask him nicely to stop.

Choice two, him doing drugs is a big deal, do the following. When he is not present, perform a thorough search of his room (and car, if applicable). Do searches on a regular basis until you find something. Without discussing it with your son, call the police, turn over the contraband to them, and ask them to arrest your son. Once he enters the court system, you will have a great deal more leverage over him. For example, at some point he will be released on probation and will have to comply with regularly-scheduled drug tests.

Answer 9

Force him into counseling, get him a drug test and if it's positive, get him to rehab. He may not like it at first, but when it's all over, he will know it was best for him. If moving is a possibility, do so, so he can get away from the bad influences he has around him right now. Good luck, it wont be easy, but it'll be worth it.

Answer 10

This is a tough one, because 16 is a very difficult age. My advise is consult his school counselor at school, they maybe able to shed some light on the situation.