Even after we caught our parteners having an affair and got most the facts(we think) still waste our time looking for evidence,via the phone bill,or internet? What is it going to achieve? If more evidence comes up will it make the cheated feel better? why waste our times or more hurt on the family arguing? is this a normal response? is there anyone else out there who has done this. and then felt like they have let themselfs down by showing the cheater they even cared?
2006-09-18 03:06:14 · 16 answers · asked by karenna m 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
We do it because it's a normal part of the healing process. You have to have all the questions answered (who, what, when, where, why,and how) before we can completely accept what has happened. I know it sounds foolish, but people do this all the time, not so much for the sake of finding evidence, but more so for the facts, so that they know what to look for if this were to ever happen again if they choose to stay with that person. It's almost like a teaching mechanism. If you cheat once, shame on you, if you cheat twice...shame on me; is how the saying goes.
2006-09-18 03:13:22 · answer #1 · answered by Hollynfaith 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I do know exactly what you are saying. A person told me that he was cheating, my step daughter told me also. I found phone bills with her number on it and I did background searches for her.
I think that at first I did not want to believe that it was true so I started checking up on him. After I found the evidence that he really was I wanted to know who she was and what she looked like. Was she prettier than me? What did he want from her that I did not give him? But even after I knew all this information I still searched for more. I guess it is the need to know why. Why did he do it and all the information in the world will not answer that question. He said it was purely sexual but that still isn't a good enough answer so I still search on.
2006-09-18 03:17:22 · answer #2 · answered by konfusedkathy2006 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes hun, this is a normal reaction, because we don not want to feel like we are being left in the dark, and want to know all the facts even if we dont like them. Still, about 10 months on, i find my self sometimes checking my mans phone, but I guess the sad truth is, if we chose to stay with that person, after they had cheated, we should just get on with the relationship and try to build up that trust again, and we are not going to do this by checking up on them all the time, we will just drive ourselves crazy over it and suspiscion will take over. Not a nice way to live life is it? Good luck hun xx
2006-09-18 03:11:50 · answer #3 · answered by Kelly D 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I did that many a time, and you feel so awful after, regretting even bother. The thing though with my guy is that he was cheating on me, and i knew it, i didn't mind though, as long as he could face up to the challenge of telling me the truth. And after 4 month he did eventually. He still loves me very much, and i him, so it all worked out good in the end. But you have to be able to come clean to be able to forgive and move on. After all we are all only human, and we have to accept each others fault now and again, if we truly can say we love someone else. Even if it hurts like hell... and i know..
2006-09-18 03:10:58 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you tried Thought Field Therapy? It is great for removing the emotional hurt and pain left by such a trauma as this. It will make you feel so much stronger and give you the strength to continue forward feeling much more positive about the future and not really caring as much about the past.
Good Luck.
To find a therapist local to you, you can look on www.thoughtfieldtherapy.co.uk
2006-09-18 03:11:25 · answer #5 · answered by michelle a 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you broke up/divorced the person who cheated on you then let it go and move on. You are beating yourself up for no reason. If you keep looking for evidence you're more than likely to find it and keep reminding yourself of the fact that someone cheated on you. It happened, it is in the past, you have grown since then and are a better person because of it!!
Good luck!
2006-09-18 03:12:15 · answer #6 · answered by Redeft 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Because you have to know the details so that you can think back and figure out where you were and what you were doing. It would be better to just let it go and move on with whatever decision we had come to. Perhaps you need more evidence to confirm it or you need first hand evidence.
2006-09-18 03:09:15 · answer #7 · answered by porkchop 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
People actually go to this much bother to kick themselves again and again after a cheating partner has had the kindness to kick them in the first place. Nowt as queer as folk (George Michael excluded).
What you need to do is:
1. Let it go.
2. Draw a line under it.
3. Go kick his teeth in.
2006-09-18 03:18:39 · answer #8 · answered by Harv S 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it is all part of the grieving process. It also helps you rationalise your feelings, that you are not imagining the affair. Also, if you haven't confonted your partner you feel that you should have as much evidence that you can get so they cannot wriggle out of it, it gives you a feeling of one up manship - like get out of this you sh*t.
I have evidence and you can't get out of it.
Human behaviour is strange.
2006-09-18 06:58:56 · answer #9 · answered by jaynie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Because the more evidence you find the more of a toad this person turns out to be, making it easyer to hate them(and we need to hate them). And if we are really angry we are not sat feeling sad. Plus if you find all this evidence we know they are a loser and we arn't sat wondering if maybe i drove him to it.
2006-09-18 04:16:54 · answer #10 · answered by yeahbutnobut 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋