Even after we caught our parteners having an affair and got most the facts(we think) still waste our time looking for evidence,via the phone bill,or internet? What is it going to achieve? If more evidence comes up will it make the cheated feel better? why waste our times or more hurt on the family arguing? is this a normal response? is there anyone else out there who has done this. and then felt like they have let themselfs down by showing the cheated they even cared?
2006-09-18 03:05:06 · 11 answers · asked by karenna m 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
They say "Hope is the last thing to go." I suppose we're searching in vain for some shred of hope that will tell us that the person we've come to love and trust isn't as untrustworthy as we thought. We're also looking to see just how they fooled us. How long it's been going on. We're learning from our mistake so it never happens again quite the same way. It's a morbid curiosity. Like when you drive past an accident on the highway. You know you shouldn't look but there you are, gawking like a spectator at a freak show.
2006-09-18 03:08:56 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think it is human nature to want to know anything and everything and is a source of cushion in case there is more to find out. It is better to have all the facts out in the open than to only have half as it is easier to move on when you know everything. You could still stay with the cheater and although you have sorted out all the problems if something else was discovered you knew nothing about it could destroy that new relationship again.
Even when the cheater has gone I think when people still search it is because they still are not sure of the facts and what to know ever single detail once they have done that they can then move on. Being cheated on is devestating and it is like a death where you go through all sorts of emotions anger, hurt,shock ect and they come in no particular order and once one emotion has come and gone it can re appear that is why some do as you have said and carry on looking. They are still in grief and shock and cant believe it once they have accepted everything in their head they can and will move on.
2006-09-18 03:40:31 · answer #2 · answered by momof3 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I believe we do this because of our need to know. Maybe we do it thinking we did something wrong to cause this to happen and if we find out then we can correct it. The true is if someone cheats on you, you did nothing wrong. If there was a problem they had with you and used that for an excuse to cheat they were wrong for not talking to you about it. Comunication is the key to any relationship.
2006-09-18 03:11:20 · answer #3 · answered by Alan J 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is just from a woman's point of view, but I would say usually because he will not admit it. So we continue to look for the evidence to prove that we are not just making it all up.
As for what we do with the evidence, well that's down to the individual and where she wants to take it...
2006-09-18 23:54:23 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Because it makes us feel better we have to know everything otherwise we wont get any closure its like doing a jigsaw and the last piece is missing. we just have to know. i had to know every last detail i wont say it made me feel better but it didn't make me feel worse, people were always saying just leave it he is not worth it but that makes you want to find out even more just dint let trying to find out run your life. You should not feel let down by showing that you cared if he doesn't care that's his problem kick him to the kerb and move on find someone thats right for you to care about and you will
2006-09-18 03:18:47 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yeah, I'm bad for that. I have driven myself crazy trying to find stuff out. I don't know why I do it, but it's crazy. I think that for me, I just needed some type of validation to know that I wasn't crazy. Ya know, my last boyfriend made me feel like I was some hormonal, crazy, psycho or something. The fact:: he was, is, and always will be a cheater, and I found his dirty butt out. When I figured him out, I realized that I had been dating someone I never even knew for over a year. So, for me, I just needed to know that I hadn't went nuts!!!! I was the one who was right all along. And, usually, when you find one thing, there is always more to follow!
2006-09-18 03:10:47 · answer #6 · answered by Littlemissy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When a marriage breaks up, we handle it just like a death. And it is, really...the death of a dream.
The first step is always denial. Then anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. Here's a site that explains in detail...
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/K%C3%BCbler-Ross_model
2006-09-18 03:12:57 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i know exactly how u mean i convince my long distance gf is cheating and i obsessed with trying to find out how and with who its sad and taking over my life i need therapy
2006-09-18 03:08:10 · answer #8 · answered by johnny 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
because it hurts and they are in a kind of denial, and they rather find all the sneaky clues .
2006-09-18 03:08:30 · answer #9 · answered by lauren m 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
More ammunition to fire at them. To try hurt them as much as we have been hurt ourselves.
2006-09-18 03:10:40 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋