I'm married and a couple of months ago we met our new married friends down the street and the 4 of us have become good friends. The problem is me and husband (of the couple) have hit it off rather well and there is a great deal of chemistry between us. We can feel it in the air. The other night he tried to kiss me and I said that it was wrong but since then I can't get him out of my mind. Now I'm NOT going to have affair because I know that it's completely wrong so I have to block him from my thoughts but I'm having a hard time with this and I'm wondering if anyone has any advice as to how I can move past this. My life was good before we met this couple and now I'm filled with guilt and misery wondering how long it will take to get this guy out of my thoughts and my husband back into the lime light. I'm also wondering how this has happened and how can I be a good person when I'm married and wanting another man? Is it a test? I would be grateful to any insight on the matter. Help!
2006-09-18 02:19:00 · 24 answers · asked by applecheeks 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Thank you for all your answers so far. I will stay far away from this other man. Does anyone know how long it will take to get the other man out of my thoughts.
2006-09-18 02:29:41 · update #1
I would try to distance myself and my husband from the couple. Find new people to spend time with and take time to enjoy your husband. You will never get over this guy as long as he is constantly in your presence. If your husband asks, tell him that you are beginning to feel uncomfortable and that you would rather just not be friends with the couple anymore. Details certainly aren't necessary since you haven't actually done anything with the other guy. Best of luck.
2006-09-18 02:24:54 · answer #1 · answered by ncmom 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Honey, that was just an attraction that you were having! You liked what you seen and you were curious about it! That is normal! It sounds like you have a great marriage,and if you are not having any problems with your marriage,then don't start making problems now! Stay happily married and don't allow your self to get involved with this newly married couple. If this man is not satisfied with his new wife, you should not let yourself get tangled up in the web! Just try and make things better with your husband, you are in-love with him,not this other guy! And if you truly do love him then this little guilt problem of yours will go away because you were only attracted to him for a little while, and you did not allow any thing to happen!! So don't worry! Remember, Love is much more thicker then water!!!!!! Don't stress yourself out because you are a human being!
Good Luck!!!!!
2006-09-18 07:39:58 · answer #2 · answered by bigred 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am really struggling on how best to answer your question, because there are many layers to your situation.
1st of all, GOOD FOR YOU! You are clearly committed to your marriage. Yes it was a test, & YOU PASSED WITH HIGH MARKS! I understand you are feeling guilty about your attraction to this man, but it wouldn't have been much of a test if you weren't attracted to him at all now would it?
I am not suggesting that you substitute my judgement for your own, but I want you to consider sharing what's going on with your husband with complete honesty. So far you've done nothing wrong, or have anything to be ashamed about.
It's also possible that he's getting a small crush happening with the other woman, & like you he's dedicated to his marriage, & won't act upon it. I know, I know, wedding vows etc etc blah, blah,blah. But men are men, & women can sometimes be men also. What has happened to you is more normal than you think. It's not the fact that you are human, & you get urges & impulses. The important thing is that you have control over them, & you think before you respond to those urges.
By bringing your husband into the picture, you will be calling on your best ally in a crisis. Then he won't be trying to figure out why you are acting so strange around your "Friends" . Together you can work out the best plan on how to deal with them from here on in. Discourage him from confronting the other guy, it could just get ugly, & this has nothing to do with the other man anyway, because you love your husband, not him.
2006-09-18 02:44:15 · answer #3 · answered by No More 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to distance yourself from this couple. How could you two have hit it off so well? Where was your husband when all this happened? You allowed this to happen. The only way he would try and kiss you is if you two were alone. Give your husband somemore of your attention. You are sooo selfish. Its bad enough that you would do this but with a guy from down the street? You may have to move when its all over. If I were your husband I would leave you if I found out. Down the street???? What were you thinking. Oh, thats right, you were thinking about the married guy from down the street. This is very, very, bad. This is how people get hurt. You had better fix this and fast.
2006-09-18 02:35:41 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Best thing you need to do for awhile is stay away and avoid this guy until you can stay more in control.Dont get me wrong you aound like your doing a good job so far but believe me u will get weak and one day you may just go for it.If things were good before then why mess it up with your husband?Not only are your about ot mess your marriage up if you do this your going to mess his wifes up as welll,and all she is looking for is friends in you and your husband not some one to sleep or take her husband away.SO continue to do the right thing and that is stay away from her husband and do not let anything future happen.Believe me it isnt worth it its nothing but lust just when ya get like feeling frisky get frisky with your husband and forget about this other man,he is taken and so are you!!Good luck
2006-09-18 02:40:51 · answer #5 · answered by blondie 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you're just bored with you husband, as he is with his wife. If you want to get him out of your thoughts than you'd be best to avoid him at all costs. Seeing him is only going to bring up all of those mixed emotions.
You should also be honest with your husband. As far as wanting another man, it's not uncommon. The grass always looks greener on the other side but it's never as good as it looks when you get there.
Maybe you and your hubby should get away for a weekend and spend some time together. Rekindle some of that romance that you once had with him
2006-09-18 02:24:19 · answer #6 · answered by bad_dog76 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Look the best thing you can do is to never ever put yourself in a comprimising situation with this man again. Stay busy and stay as far as you can from him. If you want to lose your husband, put yourself in a situation to where something can happen. Remember the grass is not always greener. Sounds like you have a good man, if you want to lose him, cross the unspoken line of trust he has in you and you will lose your husband forever. Remember, all is takes is one mistake and your husband will never ever trust you again. The same applies with you, if your husband violates the trust you have in him, you will never ever trust him again either. The solution is to stay as far away from him as possible, and avoid any kind of contact with him, especially with both of you being alone. Remember once the trust is gone, you need to file for divorce papers. That is the truth.
2006-09-18 02:26:39 · answer #7 · answered by Rooster 1972 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all, don't beat yourself up over this!! You are human, and every one of us (who will be honest) has been faced with a similar situation.
This may be really hard for you to do, but I think you need to discuss what happend with your husband. Honesty is so important in a relationship, and he deserves to know that this guy tried to kiss you. Imagine that it was him that had experienced this situation, would you want him to tell you?
You need to really look at the integrity of this other guy. He is pretending to be your husbands friend and then making the moves on his wife!! Nevermind what he is doing to his own wife! He may appear to be a nice guy, but what an a**!! It is natural for you to be flattered by this attraction, but DON'T get caught up in it!!! The grass is very rarely greener on the other side!
I believe that it will help you "get over" this if you discuss it with your husband. You need to rediscover your husband-take a vacation, or just spend some quality time with him. Remember why you fell in love with him and celebrate your relationship!
It is normal and healthy to feel attraction to other men, it is what you do with that attraction that can be harmful.
Focus your thoughts on what this other guy is all about! Dishonesty, disrespect, no integrity or respect for marriage (his or others). Is this the kind of guy that you would ever want to be with? Try to think of this from that angle and I bet you will "get over" this thing really quickly!
Good Luck! BE GOOD TO YOU!!
2006-09-18 02:57:44 · answer #8 · answered by Kailey 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
first up you'll need to talk to hubby , and hopefully , he is an understanding enough person to get the gist of what may become a rather sad and sorry state . at least you're game enough to discuss it even on the net . you don't deserve to feel guilty about this situation but by the same token that other bloke shouldn't have put you in an uncompromising position by trying to kiss you etc, this is why you need to talk to your husband and get him to clear things up ; after all the "bloke " thing should help to inflate the situation , after he does love you!!! doesn't he ? but nonetheless he needs to front this bloke and square things off , and hopefully you will stay good and long time friends --- for just that reason --- friends !
2006-09-18 02:33:13 · answer #9 · answered by bill g 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Remember you are in control of your mind, you have to say to this man, I don't know how this got to go this way, but I have respect for my husband, and your wife, so I do not want to start any problems in my life or yours. so just lets be friends. and leave it at that. I think he made you feel, like I am attractive, or wanted. Block this out of your head, and get busy being a good Wife. If you don't start no trouble, their will be no trouble.
2006-09-18 02:28:57 · answer #10 · answered by roseannetb@verizon.net 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋