I am a married man of 10 years and have three wonderful children. I love my wife very much but she has absolutely no libido what so ever. We have talked and talked about this issue all with no resolve. I am wondering if there is anyway out there for me to lower or totally eliminate my libido so I do not want "it" anymore. I believe this with this no longer an issue in my life and our marriage we will be much happier. Any help would be greatly appreciated!
2006-09-18 02:14:31 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You sound like a very loving man to ask for a way to accomodate your wife. BUT....you deserve to have a sex life. Just because she has no libido doesn't mean that you can't work something out.
Sometimes, the other person needs to meet you half way. I agree with the others that say sex therapy could help. But you also could try just doing things for the sake of love.
My fiance has a much higher sex drive than me. At least right now...it is definitely heading that way. But I do not feel that letting him be unsatisfied is the answer. We have an arrangement. Here is what works for me and him. (I do have some libido mind you).
I just do what needs to be done. For example, I give oral sex regularly. That way, I give him something wonderful and it doesn't require me to be in the mood per se. I dress up for him sexy just as he likes. This is a special turnon for him. Does nothing for me. Then we also have sex regularly.
Now this would be fabulous for most any guy. Believe me, he is a once a day kind. I am not. But it works for us. You see, if I stay open to doing things for love, he never feels desperate. Love starved people want sex much more than ones that can get the love they need. So ask you wife to learn some tricks that are special just for you. It is about love not libido.
As for you....try to make her more sexual. Of course, it might not work, but at least you should try. It is possible that some new tricks could put her in the mood at least a couple of times a month. Three kids can sap the mood from anyone....get some time alone (baby sitter) and loosen her up w/wine or something and then seduce. Of course it could be hormonal, but at least experiment.
Afterall, no matter what marriage is about love. And you deserve the love. Really you do. She should feel the same way. So help her help you.
I once had an ex-husband with no libido. NONE. He didn't care about me. Didn't even try. Told me I was the problem. He was. Eventually I had to leave. Afterall, marriage is about love and sex sometimes at least. Otherwise it is roommates. I had to move on. Teach her to love you. That is what a marriage is. She has to compromise. Not just you.
By the way, I just read some of the previous questions that you have posted. You may want to deal with her depression issues. That may be the solution. Antidepressants do take sex drive away...consider that addressing her issues could be the solution. She has something missing in her life. Wake up her passion for life and you will find her sex drive. REALLY. Life feels hard for her based on what you wrote. Family, church, and her obligations have sucked the happiness away. Give her personal power. That might be a solution for both of you. Let her read this.
2006-09-18 02:27:40 · answer #1 · answered by kishoti 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You should ask her to please you in other ways if she's not interested in S e x. I t is important to your marriage. Have you tried pampering her in every way you can think of? Food, wine, candle lit bath, spa retreat just the 2 of ye, back rub with nice oils, a soft controlled touch all over her body while her eyes are closed and her head is full of wine after telling how much you still love her and how much you love the small things about her body that nobody ever sees only you. Don't touch those female parts till she begs you to. Whisper in her ear. This all takes a while but it will be better for you too if it's fun so make it fun. Do Yoga stretches together entwined, but be graceful.That's when her body will take control of her mind and lose control. make sure the room is barely lit.
Show her this ans and ask her would that do the trick, or maybe not she might kill you for talking about her.
Make this some thing you do together often to increase Libido and get her to do kegal exercises while in her, important after having kids, to tighten up. If you don't know what these are do a goggle search, Important that the man in your life knows these things.
2006-09-18 03:09:17 · answer #2 · answered by its me 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe your wife's libido is low due to stress. She may not even realize that this is why her sex drive is low.
She or the both of you may need to sit down with a doctor or therapist and discuss what's been going on. It may seem weird or make you uncomfortable but it will help.
My husband and I were going through the same thing and we finally talked to a doctor that helped us get through it. The cause of my low libido was due to stress from a combination of things; work, taking care of the family, worrying about bills or just plain worrying.
Good luck to you and your wife. Intimacy is very important in any relationship. I think it's cool that you'd want to do something, like deadening your sex drive to make your marriage happier. But it's not necessary. There is a solution to the problem.
2006-09-18 02:31:19 · answer #3 · answered by NyteWing 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You both need to go to sex therapy. You shouldn't reduce your libido but you can help your wife increase hers. Maybe the way that you have sex isn't appealing to her anymore, are you taking care to be attractive to her, do you give her erotic massages, try new places to make love, take a romantic getaway, indulge in more foreplay? If you've tried all these things and she's still not interested, go into sex therapy because good sex is important in a healthy marriage.
2006-09-18 02:17:13 · answer #4 · answered by DrSH 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
dude, you could mustarbate. if not, work out, go for jogging, weight lifting, canoeing, anything that'll make you tired. it'll make you healthy and it does reduces your libido as you are dead tired. but it's all in the mind, you could switch your mind to any other things like TV, Books and internet. but i'll suggest the best is books, and don't read anything that involve the script which might turn you on. try action, adventures or fantasy whichever suit you. good luck!
2006-09-18 02:22:09 · answer #5 · answered by Cool Z 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sure wait a few more years,as men get older their testosterone levels start to decrease.This decrease will lower your need and ability to have sex.The real problem here is why your wife is not interested?There must be an underlying issue.A tip for you .start dating your wife again,go out to dinner,dancing,movie,museum,whatever she likes.DO the things that you did when you met,most of these problem are caused by a lack of effort,put in the time to romance her and she will return the favor.
2006-09-18 02:25:20 · answer #6 · answered by Tom S 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take Paxil. Then you will never want sex.
2006-09-18 02:30:55 · answer #7 · answered by jn46036 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋