What do you do when you know you love someone but they erk you so bad you want to leave?

Question

I don't know what it is but my fiance and I get into arguments so much lately I don't think I can do it anymore. I am happy at times but I guess the problem is that I can't tolerate him any longer. When we get in to arguments he makes me so mad I just want to kill hime literally, he doesn't know he's pushing me out the door and I am developing a disguise for him. I really am pushing to keep it together though for my daughter's sake and because I don't want to let him down as well. I am tired now and I feel like I have given it my all, I would pay good money to be drama free! I have tried talking to him sensibly, tried bringing in my mother to hear both sides (because she's not bias), and even suggest couseling. I have basically lost my attraction to him, I guess I love him and respect the fact that he is the father of my child and has great qualities but my gut feeling says he not the man for me!! What do I do?

Answer 1

PLEASE don't make the biggest mistake of your life! You should not marry him. When you lose attraction for someone, and can no longer be tolerant of them, it is time to go. If you know he is not the man for you deep down, you need to listen to that. You will only end up getting divorced later on and will have wasted precious time with the man who is the one for you. I have seen this so many times and most people end up not following their hearts. Please don't be one of them. I know it may hurt your daughter, but you were put on this earth to follow a certain path, and you can't just do things to make her happy. One day she will understand when she finds her soulmate. Be strong honey, and do what you know is the right thing.

Answer 2

I really feel for you since I was so totally there myself two years ago! I have to say this is a tough one indeed. For me, I started noticing myself feeling more and more distant from him. I tried lying and convincing myself that hes the one and things will get better, etc. I told myself there isnt any other guy out there that will be better for me. I was in denial and everything. I became so numb to life but eventually all the real emotions hit me and I just couldnt take it. I tried counseling and everything but my mind was made up that I couldnt be with him anymore. I did want to try to make it work but everytime we were together we just argued and argued and fought and got know where! Kids are a whole other story though. I'd work as hard as possible because of the sake of the child. I commend you for taking such an interest in resolving this. Maybe see whats going on with you like whats missing for you in regards to your love for your fiance? What is missing that if it were there could make a difference for you? Love, respect, appreciation, compassion? Imagine what your life would be like if everyday when you speak and even see your man you see love and compassion there? Life would be pretty good right? Maybe you lost or he lost one of these things. Stop and take a breather and try to figure out together over a nice dinner, lets say, and see whats missing with your communication. Is it intimacy, not enough alone time, money? Then see what you can work out. Sometimes I wish I worked harder b/c I feel sometimes I bailed too quickly and now I am by myself. I didnt fight hard enough in my marriage but I did what I did. Point here is this, if you feel there is still something there then fight for it and give it your all. Be loving, compassionate, listen and learn. Otherwise, if hes just not doing it for you, perhaps take a break for a while. But the child is the biggest piece here and whatever you end up deciding to do, remember this will impact the childs life. Be responsible and work something out so that the child never gets the sense down the road that they were the cause of your breakup.

Answer 3

What you've done is gotten lost. If your arguments start over little things, there's a bigger issue underneath. Keeping a relationship healthy and secure takes communication and action. The same principles apply to training dogs and raising kids when dealing with a mate. You have to pick your battles and, it doesn't matter who's right or who's wrong. Sometimes helps to reduce drama when one of the actors refuses to play along.

With years of marriage and a string of kids behind us, hubby and I occasionally disagree, step on each others toes, say things that sting, but the thing that works for us is talking. If we can't talk without being loud about it, we take a timeout, write out our thoughts for the other to read and don't open our mouths until our heads are cool.

There had to be some things about this person you liked/loved once upon a time. Think about those things. Try this- get a piece of paper. Write 3 things at the top- what I like, what I don't like about your mate. Go over the list for petty things, but if the don't like list far outweighs the like list, maybe it's time to get out.

And, don't stay in this relationship for your child. Parents who argue and fight all the time do more damage to a kid than parents who separate.

Answer 4

We want this and that and expect this and that. Expectations in this world concerning romance are not up to par any more. Men get tired of the woman before long and the sex no longer is the same, you argue and give each other dirty looks...you are destroying the marriage and making both insensitve to each others feelings. When it has reached that point in a marriage women usually are the ones to feel the pinch when sex has faded away. The glow is gone. The candle no longer burns, but hey...it's a circle of love and the inner circle still burns, but the outter portion has stopped.
My suggestion to solve this problem is to get the outter circle turing again and it is done with change of circumstances.
Not money, not sex, not love, circumstances only...it's the last resort to cure an unhappy marriage.

Answer 5

You sound like a very intelligent, strong women. And from one women to the next. I would have to say "Always use your first mind". That's that gut feeling that you explained of. Sometimes when people are together for so long, they start to see the thing that they either want to be with. Or can't stand to be with. Not all people are meant to be together. But I will say, this to you. Don't give up. Letting go should be your last result. But if you have gave it all you have. Move on to the next chapter in your life. Whatever it is that you may want to do.. If he's the father of your child he's going to always be around anyway, for the child. (He should, rather you two are together or not.)
I wish you luck, your a Strong women I know you will be o.k.

People are together for two reason: Either they love them or it's convenient..

Answer 6

Always go with the gut my dear, your inner voice will always tell u true.

So you have a child together,ok, lots of folks do and they make arrangements for visitation and financial responsibility.

Time to cut the ties romantically since there seems to be no real romance left.

Answer 7

The honeymoon is over hunny, it's a noble thing you're trying to do but you are only going to create more distance, Not all love lasts forever, your girl will always have a dad.

Answer 8

If he won't go to counseling with you, and you cannot stand him at all, that is a hint of things to come. You have already had a daughter with him, but do not have to tie the knot with him. You don't want him or her or you to be in a potentially lethal, definitely toxic situation.

Answer 9

maybe he is getting cold feet. sounds like to me he wants out but afraid to say so,
not worth the time and effort after all one only lives once and fighting only gets worse.
your daughter is better off not seeing the fights
what ever you choose just remeber not to bad mouth the father in front of your girl, it will only come back and haunt you later in life.

Answer 10

Don't get married to him. Sounds like you're not in love with him anymore.