I help my friends - few of them are very clever and lie too much when i ask any help from them. sometimes they will act as though they are helpless and they need my help but i know they are just trying to use me. How do i handle those type of people. please advise.
2006-09-18 01:44:14 · 13 answers · asked by johan 1 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Other - Arts & Humanities
Hey johan,
Just say it. You don't have to shout it. Tell them who you are, and what you believe, and if they are your friend, they will understand. If they don't understand - maybe they are not such good friends.
2006-09-18 01:52:52 · answer #1 · answered by BuyTheSeaProperty 7 · 6⤊ 0⤋
My daughter does this. She has some understanding issues not yet determined by school officials though. I will assume your friends do not have this.
Helplessness is learned by some people, usually those who have had a big problem they thought was embarrassing not to know the answer to, and when they got help for it, that made them feel artificially confident--confident in the fact they can get someone else to tell them the answer, not that they second guess or didn't figure it out. So when they feel a little lost, or even if they don't...sometimes, they ask for help and will really believe they need the whole answers told to them. If they can learn they are able to think it through themselves, they will not deceive themselves or you anymore.
2006-09-18 08:52:24 · answer #2 · answered by *babydoll* 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is a fine line between "real" friends, and those who use you for your abilities, and it is your responsibility to find out which friends are "real"
If your friends are using you, and you have caught them lying and they are using you, then it's time to find new friends.
It sounds you are always willing to help people, and when you need help, nobody is around!
My advice: tell them honestly, if somebody "needs" help, and they can do it themselves, they are just acting helpless, then tell them they are capable of doing it themselves, and if you help them, they'll never learn to do it themselves
good luck, I know it'll be hard at first, but you can do it
another thing: if they get mad, don't take it personally, they are just mad that they can't be lazy with you around anymore!! The sad part is they will find somebody else to do their work for them, and lie, etc.
good luck
2006-09-18 08:59:04 · answer #3 · answered by just me 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, you can start with announcing your decision about going to be firm to say no !
This will give them a message that you are 'likely' to carry it out !
Atleast a few of them will avoid asking the 'clever' help (not so genuine) !
And quote these cases to the tough ones, and in turn you have poked their ego also !
The left out few will always be there, even for those who are experts in saying no.
Now you are in the select band of persons who know how to firmly, but politely say that giving in for 'such type of help is unfortunately not your cup of tea ' !
Try it out, it should work, and good luck !
2006-09-18 08:50:01 · answer #4 · answered by Spiritualseeker 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes we have to step on people's toes. It's a fact of life. Some people need their toes stepped on. If people are abusing your generosity, most likely they'll have someone else lined up to "help" them.
If these people are actually your friends, they'll deal with it just fine, and you'll still be friends afterward.
2006-09-18 08:55:32 · answer #5 · answered by luvwinz 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
For a start..they cant possibly be your..FRIENDS..Friends help each other and dont lie to each other, so they must be aquaintances and of the type you dont need around you..so just say..Sorry, but No..and spend your good energies on your TRUE FRIENDS..dont be used and do not use !!
2006-09-18 10:30:36 · answer #6 · answered by ozzy chik... 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you feel they are trying to use you, then they really arent your friends.. Friends don't use friends for thier own amusement or whatever.. Maybe you should find a different group of friends.
2006-09-18 08:47:09 · answer #7 · answered by Tracy 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Be firm and stand up for yourself...a simple no is most effective..don't be bullied into anything..learn to do the right thing for you. Good luck.
2006-09-18 08:46:43 · answer #8 · answered by Saskia M 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It's best just to give a "sorry, I won't be able to help you with that" and not give phony excuses.
And reconsider what a friend is while you are at it.
2006-09-18 08:46:32 · answer #9 · answered by Chloe 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
if it dosn't cost you anything but time, go ahead and help them out. you don't want to be like them. if they are friends that refused to help you before, and you really don't have the time to spare, don't feel guilty if you just can't help them.
2006-09-18 08:49:16 · answer #10 · answered by Debi K 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋