why do i not have friends?

Question

its since my childhood that i donot have friends....i am always overshadowed...at home by my elder sis and outside by classmates...i am very shy and i do not speak much even at home but that isnt my fault...what should i do if god has made me like that...i care for every one at home sooo much but no one understands... everyone loves only my elder sis...thats coz she was the first baby girl in our home...i love her too but even she doesnt understand...i had a friend...idid so much for her but now she goes with some one else and it seems like i do not even exist...i have absolutely no frens in college... i think i will go mad one day because of loneliness..i speak to myself because i have no one else to even listen to me...i am sad.... what should i do??

Answer 1

You need to join some clubs to meet new people, try harder with conversations with people, and try to change your negative feelings, i am sure you are loved by your family, your just feeling sorry for yourself. get out more and mix.

Answer 2

First of all try not to think of yourself as being shy because just writing on Yahoo! shows that you can speak out even if not verbally. I think you should not think about not having friends for the time being but think about how you can make your life better in general, like working hard at what you are interested in or do a sport, or join any club that interests you. Once you are doing something that you enjoy then you will undoubtedly feel more confident and want to talk to people. If you are not happy say at home or in college, perhaps think about what you want to do and remember that its your life and you can do whatever you want to do. If you want to have friends then you can. Sometimes you might not know where you are going but if you find something that you enjoy doing or that makes you happy then you should persue it, then you will meet people with similar interests to yourself and you won't have to worry about having friends. You must enjoy doing something a lot??? Then try and do it more and think about yourself for once! It's not selfish and remember that you are just as important as everyone else in life and have exactly the same rights so conisder what makes you happy and that you shouldn't feel the way you do.

Hope you feel better and try to speak out more, don't give up and don't go mad!!

Best Wishes,
Melissa

Answer 3

One thing you must understand (And I don't try to seem dark) is everyone is alone, in one or another way. Get a friend is so difficult, I could say that is a miracle. Have friends is not to know and meet a huge number of people. Someone can be surrounded of thousand people that talk to you and spend time with you and "take care" of you but.... you can feel alone. IN some way I feel like you most of the time. I have no friends, but it doesn't worry so much. I know that sometimes is dark, heavy, cold I mean is a REAL HELL to be alone, however you're not alone really you have yourself and until you get a real friend I consider that is the best company that you can have. I have a good friend once. We were a family for a while but He had to take care of his blood family when finish school so I finished alone again. I learnt that everybody leaves you, for death, for circumstances, etc, but I continue the road of life hoping that someone else share the same road some day....a friend, a couple.....a family.

Answer 4

Most people who are shy feel the same way as you do. But now that you're away from home and not under your big sister all the time, move on and start your own life. You DO have the control and power to become who you want to be. Don't let your past, or how you think people felt about you in the past, get in your way. All you have to do is put yourself out there a little more. It's the law of averages. The more people you try to talk to and the more you open yourself up to joining in on group activities, the more people will respond. If you go to 10 events and only 1 person wants to talk to you again, at least that's one more person than you've got now! Try to find activities that are based on what you're interested in and join them. Don't wait to be invited in life. It doesn't happen that way for any of us.

Answer 5

You should join a club and pursue your own interests. Do not worry about your sister at all. Put her situation out of your mind. Concentrate on your own life. If you want a friend, you have to BE a friend. Smile, listen to people. Remember, the grass isn't always greener on the other side of the fence. In college, I was jealous of Angie, this beautiful, rich-rich girl who had a gorgeous boyfriend, a brand new car, all the "coolest" friends, straight A's, and a great figure. I was so jealous. Well, the month before graduation, she swallowed all her antidepressants and drank a six pack of beer, and not only went blind, but fried the part of her brain that would allow her to realize she was blind. She had been depressed since she was 12, the RA told all of us in the dorm, and that's where she got the pills. Anyway, remember to concentrate on making YOUR life great. Good luck.

Answer 6

It sounds like you have some self-esteem issues. This may scare other people away because you come across as needy and friendships of that nature are hard to keep up. Talk to a school counselor, they may be able to guide you or get you the help you need. I also suggest reading some books on self-esteem and relationships.

Also keep in mind that when you make friends, do not do everything for them, do not give too much of yourself or you come across as a doormat or a pushover. Try joining some clubs or groups that you have a true interest in.

Answer 7

I think your college counselor could be of excellent benefit. You sound lonely and depressed as well as lacking in insight into what the real problem is. You will have to step back and define friendship and learn some skills is all. You can do this, shy or not. Seek an evaluation for the depression and go so a professional for a better plan to move forward and have the friendships you long for. It will be okay. Best of luck to you.

Answer 8

Friendship is very important, it seems your shyness is getting in the way. Read How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie, a bit old ashioned but a classic. Try to implement it - just complimenting with a smile helps a lot. Have a party maybe jointly with your sister and invite people who may be possible friends but don't know your sister so well.

Answer 9

Would like to add my own 2 cents to all these great answers.
You mentioned that you did so much for your last friend and now you don't exist for her-That is one part of your problems. Some people take & take from someone who is very giving then find sombody else to latch onto. This especially true when you loan out money to friends-they dissapear like smoke.
Just add this statement to rest and go out and get some real friends but remember that won't happen over night.

Answer 10

I was very shy as a child, a loner trapped inside myself. As i grew older i slowly came out of my shell. I'm 40 now and quite a confident person. You need to talk to a counsellor at your college, they can help you join groups with other shy people who feel the same as you. You dont need to be alone, dont be afraid to ask for help, God bless.

Answer 11

Stop feeling sorry for yourself and find something constructive to do.
You're in college so you're not a brainless twit.
Take a look at the things you're interested in and find clubs to join that revolve around them.get involved in causes you believe in.
Your sister is'nt hanging over your shoulder every minute of every day.So go be yourself and make your own accomplishments instead of dwelling on hers.