I found 2 phone numbers in my husband's wallet last night....?

Question

I was looking through his wallet(which is wrong,I know) and found them. We are married a little over 2 years, I have a daughter from before(who adores him) and we have a 9 month old son together. He is very secretive(which is part cultural maybe-he's west indian I am caucasian american) and likes to "go out with his boys" anywhere from 2 -5 nights per week-he also has female friends I've never met, which he does not see as a problem.I DO see this as a problem. This relationship has become very hard to deal with-I love him, but I sure don't want to be played-He has refused to go to counseling together.He gets very angry when I try to talk to him. What should I do?

Answer 1

go to anywho.com and do a reverse look-up, then based on the info, if there is any...I would leave his controling ***. you deserve better than a cheating jerk.

Answer 2

Try to talk to him one more time.Don't admit to looking thru his wallet but tell him you can't help believing that he's not being faithful and his actions are what give you that impression.If his actions and where-abouts are such a big secret then maybe it'd be better for him if he left and he'd not need to hide anything.And if he's playing around on you tell him that's fine with you but you'd like the girls address so while they're playing you can pack his stuff and deliver it to her home cos you'll be damd if she's gonna have the fun while you get all the problems and work.
If he blows you off then you need to give him a taste of his own medicine.Get a sitter and go shopping but don't tell him where you're going.Take the kids to a hotel for the night and have fun in the pool.Let him find the hotel receipt and be very vague about it when he demands an explanation.Just tell him he want his life a secret so he has no right to question you about yours.If he was so worried about where you were and who you were with he should have been wityh you not out doing his thing.

Answer 3

I also found a number in my husbands wallet. I was suspicious because of him becoming more distant from me, and also showing more signs of hostility like becoming angry if I left a dirty glass in the sink. Just basically finding anything he could to bring me down in his eyes so he could justify that #1 he is the man and could do anything in the marriage that he wanted like going out all the time with his friends, and #2 I was the little woman who had better let him do what he wanted. Secretive is not just a cultural thing, as my husband is Hispanic and is the typical macho man, it's because your husband is either outright cheating or doing something wrong. Honey, if he is not home with you and being a family man and good husband- and refuses to cut the boys nights down to one time a week at least- then he was not ready to get married and is feeling trapped. I know this because my husband told me later that those were the feelings that he was dealing with. Bottom line is that I confronted the girl, told her that he was married (they broke up), came back and confronted him which led to our seperation. After one year of being apart, him losing his family and having to be on his own, he realized that he needed to grow up, and be the husband he promised to be, and also be the father his child needs. This happened to me 1-2 years into my marriage, and we have now been married for 16 years. You can get through this but only if he loves you and his family enough to alter his habits, and stop taking numbers from other women. He is most likely cheating on you like mine was, and it is up to you whether to forgive him or end the marriage. Good luck

Answer 4

First of all...you probably shouldn't have gone through his wallet, but seeing as how you ARE married, he shouldn't have anything to hide anyway..so that is not really the issue. Calling the numbers could backfire on you....star 69 you know.

However...if he is getting numbers AND he is going out 2-5 nights a week that IS A PROBLEM. Even if he isn't cheating...his actions are giving you the PERCEPTION that he is. I'm not married but I have a girlfriend who I love to be around...going out that much in a week doesn't leave a lot of "together time" for us and personally I wouldn't tolerate it and neither should you.

As far as him getting angry and not wanting to talk about it...that is BULL. He married you which means that he needs to take your feelings into consideration. If he can't handle that, he should not have married you. He needs to learn to compromise or he needs to be alone. Additionally...he needs to keep his *** at home a lot more often.

I think that about covers it.

Answer 5

The ethnic differences doesn't merit his partying ways. Stop making excuses for him and put the boot down. Going out with the fellas 1 a week or a couple of times a month is reasonable. He shouldn't have female friends. There isn't any such thing unless those friendships are mutual. His anger is his way of subduing the issue and alleviating his guilty conscience. Start getting a babysitter and going out with him. I mean if he has female friends then there isn't a hard and fast rule of no girls allowed is there? This is the sort of guy who would bust a gasket if you suddenly developed male friends and went out on a regular basis. Stop accomodating him. Let him do his own laundry and all the little things that make it possible for him to go out. If you know that he is coming home to get ready to leave then when he arrives at home , you should immediately leave him with the children and give no answers as to where you are going. Give him a HUGE CHOKING DOSE of his own medicine. This is the sort of thing that drives wives into the arms of internet and or real life lovers.

Answer 6

Knowing it is wrong to go through his wallet is no excuse ... you should still keep your hands out of is wallet. Married or not, your hubby is still entitled to a little dignity and privacy.
Don't play the culture card --- it's just the way the world is. Men have always and will always continue to enjoy going out with their friends and have always welcomed women flirting in their direction (single or married).
Honey, if he's going to step out on you, there is nothing in this world you can do to stop it. You might be able to delay it, but stop it never.
Some men like to go out a little more frequently than others, but this is just part of the "hanging onto" the single feel. Some men when they get married give up the outings, some make no changes.
If he doesn't see a problem and you do, then you need to find a compromise --- but you need to do so calmly, without fighting.

Answer 7

I would dial the numbers and see who answered and go from there. Also, I think it's excessive that a married man with a family is going out with the guys 2 to 5 times a week. One night a week is about all I could tolerate. He probably never takes into consideration that you might like to get out of the house once in awhile with the girls does he? I just wonder why he gets angry when you try to talk with him about it. Guilt? Or maybe it's a control issue. I'd just keep my eyes and ears open. If he's cheating he'll be caught sooner or later. I wish you luck.

Answer 8

A trial separation might be the answer. Tell him you don't trust him anymore, and since he doesn't seem to care, you are moving out. When he is prepared to go to counseling, and take the marriage more seriously, you will follow suit. Leave him. If you don't have the courage to do so, why ask? If you want to talk about culture, you should know West Indian men are not known for their kindness or respect for women.

Answer 9

Anger or not, you're going to have to confront him and say, "Honey, because I'm a suspicious, jealous woman, I looked through your wallet. What are these two numbers? Also, she may not be of your seed, but you have a daughter now, and two to give nights out a week with the boys is not acceptable father action. It's time we get our house in order or you get out of the house." You can do it. You must do it. Otherwise, it will eat you up, you'll ignore your child, and only worse things can happen.

Answer 10

He sounds guilty as hell to me, honey. And NO, you should respect his privacy; but I can see why you went throught his wallet. He should be forsaking all other women and spend his extra time with his family. I would suspect that in his culture, women are like cattle....they own you. However, if he refuses to put anything toward the betterment of the marrriage, I'd bail out. He could get as angry as he wanted to. Some men don't miss their "water till the well runs dry". Godloveya.

Answer 11

You need to take a step away and see if this is the type of man you want to be with for the rest of your life. It is a bummer to always expect that someone should change; but you also need to realize that he may never change. I lived in the Caribbean for 8 years and you describe the typical West Indian man in your question. So...can you live with that? Only you can answer that.

Good luck as you process this situation.