why do men find it so hard to talk?

Question

I have so much going on in my life i feel like i am going to explode and yet the one person who i should be able to talk to is not there for me.
I have been so low lately and he has finally noticed, i have been trying to tell him for ages!
Last night he said "you always seem so miserable", and i said, maybe its because i am, and with that he rolled over and went to sleep.He says that he is not a talker and i should know that by now, but it is impossible to have a relationship with someone who won't talk.
He said this morning that he didnt even remember me telling him i was unhappy last night, but he still hasn't said we could talk tonight.
i feel resentful that he has so much time for others but none for me, i don't know if i am just angry or don't love him any more, but why should i have to beg for him to act as if he cares?
He never seems to take me seriously.

Answer 1

you should tell him he needs 2 change his attitude .. or it's over

Answer 2

maybe you're also trying to talk at the wrong times? maybe he was genuinely tired and thought if given the opportunity the 'chat' would last all night. also he may be scared that this is THE chat where you tell him you're unhappy and want to leave him. sounds horrible but in my experience with girlfriends I've taken the time and effort to talk and talk and talk sometimes all night you finally make some progress and then they go straight back to the beginning there is an element of not being able to win (or even compromise) when a woman wants to talk about a relationship she has generally made up her mind on what needs to be done.

Answer 3

A woman relieves stress by talking about it, which the man may interpret as an accusation or request for a solution. For a woman, it is just sharing a problem which she wants to be acknowledged. The man on the other hand has a basic instinct to give a solution because men do not discuss a problem unless they want a solution.

This can become a bone of contention between a husband and wife because he jumps in with his answer and she interprets this as an undue interruption and makes her feel as if she's not being listened to. This conflict can be avoided if the man understands this situation and silently listens rather than offer a solution. Once she has been heard she will become de-stressed and normalised.

On the other hand, just listening to a man will be similarly frustrating for him, because he's asking for your advice, not your sympathy. The woman needs to understand this and offer practical advice rather than just being sympathetic.

Answer 4

they find it hard to talk when they are resentful about something, probably to the partner. he is using 'silence' to protest against you, because he could never win.

The fact that he said 'you always seem so miserable' suggested that he didn't care and that he has a huge amount of resentment towards you.

depending on whether you want to save the relationship, don't push him further but be a 'gracious' and generous wife. Be nice and cheerful to him and let him see the difference. It's a long journey with lots of blocks. don't say anything that will annoy him but talk about things he is interested like football etc.

use your behaviour to win him back, not your voice.

Good luck.

Answer 5

Not all men find it difficult to talk.
Lots of people, both men and women have problems expressing themselves.
When you look at their childhood years and upbringing, it is sometimes easier to see why they behave the way they do now ie. lack of confidence, due to bullying by parents or at school etc lack of love shown from family.
Try talking to your partner about specific things and how it makes you feel, rather than just telling him you're miserable.

"I feel resentful that he has so much time for others but none for me, i don't know if i am just angry or don't love him any more, but why should i have to beg for him to act as if he cares?
He never seems to take me seriously."

Have you told him this???

Some people claim to be psychic, but I would guess that your partner is not one of the gifted few, so you must tell him and allow him the opportunity to make amends if he chooses to.

Also, try to address problems when they arise rather than allowing them to build up into much bigger problems than they actually are.

Your partner may find it difficult to start with, but if you lead by example and ask him what he's thinking, he may open up a bit.
Communication is the key to a successful relationship.

Answer 6

SOOOOOO many women pick men for the wrong reasons.

If his talking and sharing HAD been that important to you when you began dating..........he would never have made it to the "quiet/idiot lump in the bed" stage.


He's there, now..............you need a more balanced and COMPLETE partner, now..... .....so .....you need to learn to find and get what you really need.

Sure........you COULD go for the "he'll change because I'll pray and/or NAG him to see me as a REAL person" thing.........but I advise against that.


Take a stand.... ....find out who you are.... ...find out what type of man you really need...... IF........ you even need a man hanging around 24/7 in the FIRST place.


When you are free from the slug........ ...PLEASE try to enlist your fellow female friends to do the SAME THING !!!!


There are so many great women trapping themselves in such BAD relationships. ......... and there are plenty of nice-guys out there willing to be a real friend in-exchange for some quality companionship !!!!!!

Answer 7

My boyfriend is exactly the same! Be patient, be persistant but don't NAG.....tonight cuddle up and say sorry for being such a miserable cow......get the ball rolling....its not supposed to be a telling of, a list of complaints.....TALK about what troubles you...offer explanations for what you mean and ways of improving it.......TOGETHER!!!!!
Don't worry about him not talking about his feelings..he will when he needs to...just be there for him as you want him to be there for you...have some fun tonight and forget your worries for a short while.....

Answer 8

a friend is someone who comes out when everyone else has gone in.

a relationship works on the same principle, i understand that you need someone to talk to and that its hard to go on, with what seems like a thousand burdens on your shoulders. i dont know what your relationship is like with this guy and i wouldnt pass judgement if i did, but everone needs a friend in the one they love, otherwise you're alone. and no one should be alone.

xx

Answer 9

Well I can take a guess. Quit rambling on about something and get right to the point. LOOK how long this simple question is.

Answer 10

because something that can be said in 10 words women use 100 or 1000words.like your question which could have been said with a lot less words.

Answer 11

my husband said that men are not programmed to 'talk', or communicate effectively. I have been know to throw things at my husband to get him to listen
When he gets home, do not give him his tea, sit him down tell him that you are going to communicate your feelings and that you need him to listen to you and offer support and advice and love. If he doesn't listen then maybe it is time to tell him that you ought to consider your futures'.
good luck