People, Could you help me decide?

Question

I have a guy whi is head over heels for me... and He is a very sweet and understanding chap... but doesnt look really handsome... he is ok in looks... can someone tell me if i have to go for the character and compromise on looks, or should i take it that there are a lot other fish in the pond... could u please help me decide

Answer 1

Hmm. You can't decide with your eyes open, but you want me to help with my eyes closed. By that, I mean I can't see what you look like or what he looks like, so I can't (based on looks anyway) determine whether he's probably the best you can realistically count on getting, or whether you could do a lot better.

But then, even if I could see the two of you, what you would be getting is just my opinion about your looks. And of course, there are many factors to consider that are more important than looks when making a decision about whether to enter into a relationship.

So let me share this advice. If he's ok in looks, then maybe you can test his qualities. You said he's sweet and understanding. Tell him you appreciate his attention, but are not sure about his motives and would like to test him occasionally. If he agrees, then figure out ways to disappoint him to test his abbility to be understanding. An example would be to cancel on a planned date or get-together. Also, test his sweetness by finding opportunities to be short or rude with him. For example, if he calls, chat with him for a few minutes, and then abruptly say company has arrived. Then quickly say goodbye without explaining further or giving him a chance to say goodbye to you and hang up on him.

You can also test his supposedly being head over heels for you by asking some of your girlfriends to approach him and ask him whether he as a girlfriend or is available. If he appears not to appreciate some of what you put him through, reach into your purse, pull out a pad and pencil and say "Hmm, you didn't do very well on that test." Make him very much aware that he is being tested and has agreed to it. Look to see how hard he tries to please you. Look to see how eager he is to do so. Look to see if he appears to be losing interest. If he ever does appear to be losing interest, tell him so. And ask him whether that's what you could expect from him if you were to give your heart to him.

If after a considerable amount of testing (weeks at least) his general response is that you are really pushing him hard, but that you are worth every minute of it, then this guy might be right for you. If not. That is, you've compromised on looks, and this guy is not measuring up in other areas either. Then you may want to reconsider. After all, there are many fish in the pond.

Answer 2

That is always a hard choice to make. But there are three levels of attraction, Physical, Emotional, and intellectual. All three need to be met in some way. If a guys get you thinking and you can talk into the night for hours on end and never have a awkward pause and when you hear his voice he make you're heart flutter and he can at least be presentable in a public seen. Think everything Should fall into place.

Answer 3

You say that he is head over heels in love with you but you dont say how you feel about him other than what he looks like. Kinda shallow arent you? I know that I am way older than you but I have found that some of the less attractive men in the world can become the most attractive when you start getting to know them and find out how they are on the INSIDE. You never know, you might just think differently once you open your mind and your heart and really get to know him.

Answer 4

Take your time with the guy who isn't so handsome. The more you get to know him, the more you may like him, and the more handsome he'll look. It happens. I know someone who married a handsome man, got to know him better, and he was so horrible that she thought he was ugly even though he still looked good to everyone else. But then again, if his looks really turn you off, then move on.

If later on you find that there just isn't any chemistry, then do both ofyou a favor and move on. Otherwise, if you stick with him and marry him, you might find your heading turning later on in your marriage and then you'll end up hurting a really nice guy.

Answer 5

Physical attraction is very important in a relationship, however, beauty is only skin deep. Just because someone is pleasant to look at does not mean that they have a good heart. If this man treats you the way you deserve, give yourself an opportunity to get to know him and you may be surprized. If he respects you and is kind to you, who says it is a compromise?

Answer 6

Looks r only skin deep it's what is on the inside that conts. If this man makes u feel happy etc then stick with him. I have been out with good looking guys and not so good looking guys and i found that generally the good looking guys r the ones that didn't treat me very great. I always go for personality now as thats what counts. x

Answer 7

Looks shouldnt be everything, looks r vanity and can end anytime or after sometime u get used to the looks and u feel nothin left inside or within the relationship, character should be more important coz it lasts for ever and besides Love is most important abocve all. so in my view go for the one u love not based on looks or whatever

Answer 8

maybe your most based on outer looks thats why now you dont know what you decide for. its just not the matter of looks or other else, it should important if you getting enjoy and make some fun with him. you told that hes a good guy for you so what the problem why you dont should try him maybe hes the man of your life. looks faded in the other day but good self person will last in many days ahead..

Answer 9

Hon beauty is only skin deep. If you enjoy his company then by all means go with it, and have fun. After all who knows, maybe something will happen and you my not always be good looking forever. It happened to a good friend of mine and now she has nobody. So just remember looks aren't everything. It's whats inside.
Mamavj44

Answer 10

Well it's up to you to decide. But if he is a good and understanding guy then it's better than good looks. But if you don't like him then don't give him hopes. But some guy-es have good looks and are not very good they can get you into trouble.