The letter he wrote......
I didn't know that you felt this way about me. I always thought that you maybe had a boyfriend or something. I haven't even got to really know you as a person. I would really like to get to know you as a person before anything went down like that. I also wouldn't want to be married and cheat on my wife to give anyone a reason to blame anything on me if it didn't work out. You are cute and I noticed that when we first met. I would like to be friends with you right now if that's alright with you. My wife is already suspecting that I'm talking to someone on the internet or emotionally cheating on her right now but I've never did anything of the sort. I told her that if I would be with another woman then I would tell her rather than do it behind her back. So from now on you can send me e-mails either at work or at my hotmail address I hope that we can remain friends and maybe hook up one day when I can get away from the house and just chill and get to know each other. It's always great to have GENUINE friends in your life. I don't want to exchange number right now cause I don't want any interference like that. For now we can exchange information on the net and in the future if I drop by then we can decide on how to get in touch on the phone. Holla back at my hotmail address.
2006-09-17 22:31:38 · 30 answers · asked by lovely 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
i already confronted him..he says he didn't cheat since he said "no" to her should i file foor divorce based on this?
2006-09-17 22:39:51 · update #1
He is very lame. And the fact that he avoided the current issue at hand by saying he didn't cheat shows you right there that he doesn't care about you or the marriage. He said right there in the letter that he doesn't want to cheat SO HE DOESN'T GET IN TROUBLE. What does that tell you? He doesn't want to cheat for all the wrong reasons. He should've, instead, said "I don't want to cheat because I'm married, love my wife, and value our marriage vows. never contact me again". That's what should've happened.
He is slime and grime.
Give him what he wants: A DIVORCE.
2006-09-18 00:19:25 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
What do you want from him? Someone offered sex and he said NOT NOW. That is not cheating! What is he supposed to do rip her up for being interested. The emotional cheating tag is BS. Just maybe you should look at what is really going on here. That you found this message, either by snooping or his design, is his message to you that he can find it elsewhere. He also let you know that he is literally not screwing around. You should ask yourself what he is doing with her that he is not doing with you. That's right,TALKING. Maybe you should try it.
This is a guy who obviously needs to know someone before being physical. Does he really know you?
You can approach this from a bunch of different angles. You can dump him right now like most of the women here want. Or you can figure out where the two of you went wrong and work on that.
Right now he is not F-ing other women. Therefore he's not cheating. Cheating requires swapping fluids. If you throw him out it won't be long before the dump him crowd will be after him. Because he seems to be a guy you ladies aren't used to, ethical.
If you think there are many guys out there who would have said NO to this offer I think you are living in a fantacy world.
2006-09-18 07:24:37 · answer #2 · answered by Flagger 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
1. People do not run and get divorces for cheating all the time. Possibly there are issues that both of you need to look at before running to conclusions. 2. HOWEVER he is clearly getting emotionally involved and thinking that he is trying to create distance, but ultimately this distance will make him more interested and lead to physical involvement. Maybe he hasn't cheated before, but you need to look at your marriage and evaluate why he would be interested in the first place. You are lucky you got a letter- some women don't even get this type of warning. Jump on it quick before it eats at you. Divorce maybe - is this cheating - yes.
2006-09-18 06:42:38 · answer #3 · answered by actresscye 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
it would seem he misunderstands the word cheating,,yes he said no to her but he also is giving her the impression that you would go mad at him contacting her so better do it in secret,,this tells her you are not important and that given time,,who knows,,,,he wants the attention and maybe a little flirting but as he is planning ahead to deceive you this can never work out well,tell it how it is for your sake and make the boundaries VERY clear,,if he wants a friend on line,,not to meet up,,he can talk at home with you there or nothing,,boundaries are just that,,making it known what you do and do not find acceptable in a relationship but make sure he knows that to continue with this behind your back will lead to an end of the relationship,,,it is his choice and if he still does it,,well,,he has made that choice,there is no in between here,,he wants you or he wants 'friendship' and if that is all it is there isn't much to give up is there seeing as he doesn't know her that well,,,,,he can find other friends who are less willing to help him deceive his partner,a real friend would never encourage this.
2006-09-18 05:51:25 · answer #4 · answered by lex 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
This is sooooooooooooooooo NOT right for a husband to do.
This is definatly cheating. He is giving her time and affection that you deserve. You guys need counseling.
You & your husband need to set some ground rules about computer activity. He needs to replace this habit with another one online that doesn't involve other women.
I would be livid if I saw an email that my guy would write to another woman. He is going through a preteenage behavior sort of phase. A phase he should of gone through and been done with a very long time ago.
Get some help hon. Don't let him white-wash this thing with you.
He is definatly in deep dooooooooooooooodoooooooooooooo
2006-09-18 05:40:02 · answer #5 · answered by clcalifornia 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If he was truly in love with you and respected you not only as a woman but also as his wife, he would never have been on-line to meet this woman to begin with! He is not only disrespecting you, he is also disrespecting himself as a husband & father (if the two of you have any children)! He has also fixed it to where you have lost all faith & trust in him! You should just go ahead with your life, and tell him to do the same! If you are not that important to him that he is having to cheat on you by writing letters to another woman,(if not women)! Then you should just get out of this situation before it begins to get even worse!
Good Luck!!!!!!
2006-09-18 07:27:36 · answer #6 · answered by bigred 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would definately talk more about your relationship and what both of you need and want. This is an open invitation to begin an emotional affair. These are painful and take the attention away from the marriage and the repair of it.
Let's admit it there is something that needs work. If he is not willing to take the step to cut off this relstionship, no matter how inocent he thinks it is, then you need to take more drastic measures.
Good luck!
2006-09-18 08:08:30 · answer #7 · answered by Cynthia 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think he is totally confused. He still feel something for you but may fly off the hook if he finds someone better.
If you love him and still want to give him a chance, then work on your marriage.
If you think you want to end it, then check further and take all the info.
I personally would prefer to work on the marriage and ask hubby how he feels if you cheat on him?
Blunders on either side lead to divorce, hope both of you work hard on your marriage and good luck. Have a lot of patience if you think your future is with him.
2006-09-18 05:45:45 · answer #8 · answered by j t 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I say this as a guy: The fact that he mentions not wanting to cheat on you is a good thing. The fact that he would meet up with her and continue to correspond is a bad thing. He's willing to play with fire. I would confront him and find out why he thinks it would be OK to continue to have contact with her when he knows her intentions and he knows that you consider what he's doing as cheating. If you decide to work things out, then you need to be explicitly clear as to what you will and will not tolerate. Sometimes women can be a bit ambiguous and men need to be told things in exact terms.
What you do should be based on how you feel and if, after talking with him, you feel you can continue to trust him.
2006-09-18 05:44:44 · answer #9 · answered by tonyend2001 3 · 4⤊ 0⤋
He is certainly keeping her hanging on for further development. He should have just said no or not interested. He has the potential to be unfaithful.
You might want to stay but keep your eyes open. If you feel there's more, hire a PI to know for sure. Then get a divorce.
2006-09-18 06:30:37 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋