I have a problem with the mother of my girl friend. I need a good advise from mature people. Thank you.?

Question

I have a gf, we have been together for about a year and we have a lovly realtionship. I am 23 and she is 21, the youngest from her sister married 29 with a son of 4, and her brother married. We are searching for a house to buy. Her sister and brother live in the same town of there mother, however I do not what to live there infact I am searching in different towns about 30minutes far away by car. When we find somthing good for us and we are going to buy it her mother says no it is not good "without an apparent reson". Her mother has alot of money and she wants contol sort of. I am fed up of seeing nice houses and just before the conclustion, we go back to square one. I need a good advice, I do not want to break the relationship couse of the mother, also I do not want to live near by her and let her giving order how to live. Thankx to all the readers in advance.

We are going to pay for the house not her mother, it is our money.

her mother cannot drive,
and we are searching homes near to our jobs but far from her mother

Answer 1

You must understand that your girlfriend's mother cannot be ignored if you want to live happly everafter when you marry your girlfriend. Now, what you must do is that you have to develop a beautiful relationship with your gf's mum. Your aim in developing that relationship is to win her trust. You master plan is to cause her to realise that you are mature and will take good care of her daughter. You must not pursue this agenda aggressively but subtly. Once you succeed in winning her trust she will withdraw from imposing her will on you. To succeed you must let your gf's mum like you so much that it makes your gf even jealous. This jealousy in your gf will also drive her to fight for her independence from her mum (which is what you want). Your quest for independence will be very successful if your gf also wants independence.

Answer 2

Is the mother paying for the house? If so is it a gift or an investment for her? If it is an investment then she is entitles to make sure that the house is ok.

However your gf is bery young at 21 and I suspect the baby of the family and her mom has problems letting go. You need to have a heart to heart talk with them and resassure her parents that you love her and want them to be part of your life together but that you need to get started together. Could you rent something on the other side of town to make a break now so the mother gets used to the idea?Could you buy a small place asa first home without their help and then perhaps accept help on the next property? Of course if your job was in the next town then there would be a very good reason to live there. Good luck

Answer 3

You know what, I had the same problem 3 years ago. Now, I am married to my g.f and we live 2 hours away from her mum.

It is up to you to take control of your lives. You can do that by acting like Mr. Tough guy. I was soft in the begining and wanted to win their love and admiration, but when I started to feel the pressure, I put my foot down and at the end, they all had to accept my decision.

First think to do is try to find a job far away from her mother's house, it would be ideal if you find your g.f a job far away too. If you do so, you now own the convinience weapon. Being close to work is a great weapon, you are not expected to drive for a couple of hours in the morning and again at night just to be home. This can also be translated into $, you get to save on gas, this makes a huge difference. Another positive thing is that you get to spend more time together, instead of spending it commuting.

Second, you need to act tough. You are the MAN, you are the provider. Most women are willing to move to another continent with their husbands. You are not asking for too much. What if you decide to work in Dubai or Japan in a couple of years? You hold the key to your family's future.

That was my winning argument. It was accepted, simply because she is not longer a baby girl, she is a mature woman and she needs to move ahead with her life.

Try the above mentioned and best of luck. Just do not agree to live near her mum no matter what.

Answer 4

He mother says it's no good because her mother is much smarter than you or your girlfriend put together. Buying a house when you are not married spells MAJOR trouble. If eventually you decide to break up one of you will be stuck with the entire mortgage of the house while the other one could win it in a court battle. I doubt her mother wants her to be stuck paying for a house her daughter isn't living in or having to buy you out of your share of the house later on down the road. The mother has every right to control HER money, you don't get a say in how she spends HER money or even how her daughter spends HER money. The only say you have is in how YOU spend YOUR money and if the mother is advising her daughter against getting a house with you and the daughter is listening to the mother then that tells me that at least the daughter has more brains than you do. Grow up and quit whining. You're only proving that you're not only not old enough to purchase a house but you're not mature enough to be in any type of relationship with your attitude.

Answer 5

You are not going to like what i am going to say. I also went through mother in law problems. I am divorced today because of it. My advise to you is think long and hard before you marry this girl. Is she willing to leave with you? I mean farther than 35miles from her mother. You are going to have to get away' Far away from her mother. I hope she is not a mama's girl and wants to hang close to mother. If she is you are opening up your heart to get it broken. If you can get her to leave go to another state and start your lives there. If you don't find a way to get away from her mother she will make you miserable. Wish you the best' Good luck.P.S. Just thought I would come back and add this. When me and my x was together we lived 38 miles from her mother' And that was not far enough. A meddling mother will go out of her way to stick her nose where it doesn't belong. Even if she has to get a taxi. And lastly' I hope that she is willing to follow you. I thing you don't want to hear is ( Mama said this or Mama said that. Mama said do this or do that. Any thing but what you and her think you should do. If she listens to her mother more than you' You are going to have a lot of problems. I hope I am wrong. Good luck.

Answer 6

Dude, i know this sounds old-fashioned, but maybe you should consider marriage. This would remove a number of obstacles- other than the obvious- fornication. Once you marry someone you love, it's just you and her. Only. Then you will be able to make decisions as a couple, not some weird triad. Otherwise, talk to your gf... tell her that (in nice terms) her mother is not welcome in the relationship. Don't mention "it's me or her", she will just leave you. Explain to her that you feel that you guys are adults and should have control over your own affairs. Ask her to support your decisions. Then you won't have to confront the wicked witch of the west. If you do, you will lose this girl

Answer 7

We can't help if we don't know the full details.

Only you can solve this because it depends on your own personality and how well you can stand up to people who try to bully you if you are too soft.

I have had friends with this problem. WIth the troublesome mother-in-law. It only gets worse after you are married. One girl actually broke off the engagement telling her fiance, "I don't know if I'm marrying you or your mother!" They (her future inlaws) took ALL the wedding details into their hands, and the bride broke off the engagement in disgust!

Good show! I think she was very clever to have saved herself.

Some people drift into a trap and then are stuck for life in an unhappy situation. Only you can decide if you want out and get another girlfriend. But you won't because you love your fiancee and you are too scared to let people down. Tough.

I would postpone the wedding and say the boss sent me to a short stint of work in Hong Kong. And then make this true by going to Hong Kong to sort out if I want to go through with the marriage. But I'm me and you are you, and if you are the sort people can take advantage of all your life, you have to live with the sorrows you let yourself in for.

Answer 8

in not too many words it seems asif the mother is paying for the house? if so, just remember this.....take what you get even if it is just for a few months, this way you can save up your own money for a deposit on a house and take your soon to be wife and move to where you both want to.
it might be that your fiancee isnt really that keen on moving away from her mother and may be instigating to her mom to put her foot down.
if not one of these then why the hell do you let a women tell you where to live and make your home......then you should put your foot down honey

Answer 9

The difficult concern is dealing with rejection. the thought that we weren't chosen over yet another makes a individual experience undesirable. in fact which you're wallowing in self pity and understandably so, you have been by using plenty, yet that doesn't replace the actuality that your retaining your self down by using no longer accepting that he's not any longer "the only". Come to an know-how which you deserve somebody who chooses you first of all, and 2nd look on the adult adult males habit, do you somewhat want a dick head like that for the time of your life? circulate directly to greener pastures, regardless of if your unmarried for a on the same time as that doesn't advise your unloved or below somebody else. i does no longer choose to be the relationships I see maximum of my buddies in, i could extremely be unmarried till I meet the final one.

Answer 10

That is a tough one. Can you compromise and live maybe 15 minutes away. Or does your gf live in one city and you want to move to another?

Do you and your girlfriend live together right now, or does she still live with her mom?

You might consider renting close to her mother for now...signing a short 3 or 6 month lease. To see if her mom is as controlling when you and your girlfriend live together.

OR rent a place 30 minutes a way with a 3 or 6 month lease and let your girlfriend and her mother know that it is just a temporary thing to see how it goes.

If you don't do something temporary and just buy a house 30 minutes away her mother might just bother you guys just as much and it might cause problems with your girlfriend and you.

Right now I live 30 minutes away from my mother (or an hour and a half- depending on traffic, since I live in San Diego) with my boyfriend. When I want to visit her I just hop in my car and go. & I call my mom and she calls me, she comes and visits whenever she wants.... but my story is a little different. I told my mother I wanted to live in the city to go to school and she signed for a place for me and helped me move (I am 21 as well).

I think he mother just needs to realize her little girl is growing up.