I am married since 4 years and I´m in my 20s. 2 years ago my husband had an affair.Since then I have lost weight, coloured my hair blond and changed my style the way he likes it, just to prevent this from happening again. He regrets his affair and our sex is ok again, but I still can´t get over the pain. Can a man do this only once and then be faithful, or is it something I have done wrong and even when I changed all that, can it happen again?How does a man tick?
2006-09-17 21:19:26 · 13 answers · asked by gini 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
once a cheat always a cheat
2006-09-17 21:21:03 · answer #1 · answered by AppleSoda 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
My friend, If I got married to a girl, I would never let her change the way she is because she is already beautiful. I don't want her to go on a diet, change her hair or eye color, nothing. I don't know your husband so I don't know if he'll do it again. If you know he loves you, I don't think it wont happen again. To have an long-lasting relationship, both gotta learn how to say sorry and forgive. Sometimes, it's good to have a conflict, only at the right time. After a conflict, the relationship becomes stronger.
Negative energy transfer to another person. For example, if he's in the living room, just chilling and you come in, with all angry from work, it's gonna be transfer to him. So just have a positive energy around you and your husband to keep things cool down.
good luck!
2006-09-18 04:34:12 · answer #2 · answered by Leonardo M 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
More often than not, it's not that the man deliberately plans for an affair but things just happened. It is usually that the marriage is already rocky long before that starts.
When the man eventually meets a woman who could provide what are desirable to him, that's when sparks fly.
So, it's important to know and try to meet each other's needs (and even wants!) so much so that neither side is tempted to look elsewhere.
It's never too late for you to start flirting with him all over again, since you still have that loving feeling for each other.
But get rid of that fear and suspicion the soonest the better as they do only damage to any relationship.
2006-09-18 04:44:53 · answer #3 · answered by dickson 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't want bring you down but this is straight from a man. You made a mistake in forgiving him and continuing on in your relationship. I hope that you don't have kids with this man, you should end it. A man who cheats will cheat again. He not only cheated on you, he cheated you. You should not have to spend all of your time keeping him from cheating by crafting your looks! I don't see how you ever trust him to run to the store for a gallon of milk, let alone anything else. By taking him back, letting him of off the hook, whatever you call it, you are just reinforcing in his mind the fact that he owns you and that the next time he gets caught that he can smooth it over with you again. It may be 7 days, 7 weeks, 7 months, or 7 years between affairs... but a cheater cheats always.
2006-09-18 04:39:09 · answer #4 · answered by No More 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Men think a lot like dogs do. We're loyal but we love to be loved. Our needs are simple and we're not great schemers. We get frustrated and angry when things aren't clear for us. We crave stability and kindness from our owners. Our tail points the other way but it still wags when we're happy.
Ever hear the expression it takes two to tango? It also takes two to make a Marriage work. I can't know if you did something wrong or right but I can tell you it's possible and likely that you could have done things differently and prevented the affair. There's no shame in doing things to please your spouse, men make a career of it in marriage, feel free to change your hair to dress differently to turn him on.
You really need to adress your feeling pain. If you forgave him too hastilly you should deal with it immediately. Don't make it something that allows you to harbor resentment, don't hold grievences agianst your spouse. Either resolve it with him one way or another or let it go completely and forever. While you're holding onto this pain your ability to enjoy your marriage is on-hold.
2006-09-18 05:30:59 · answer #5 · answered by W0LF 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is possible for a man to cheat on you once and then be faithful, but it's not necessarily the way to bet.
In any case, your appearance is not the most important thing about you. If he's the type of person who would cheat again, then the changes in your appearance aren't going to make a difference. Personally, I think it's more important for you to be true to yourself... if you change your appearance in this way, you should be doing it for yourself, not for him. Otherwise, I get the feeling that you're trying to be someone you're not, and that's never a good basis for a relationship.
2006-09-18 05:13:16 · answer #6 · answered by Bramblyspam 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I hope it's only been once. It is fair to forgive them after they cheat once, but if they do it again LEAVE THEM. That's just the way it works.
You're hurting still is totally normal and to be expected, completely!! My husband cheated on me before we got married and I still hurt, and he wasn't even my husband then, just my boyfriend! And it's been about 4 years, too!
Do not expect yourself to get over this.
And if he was really sorry about it he would've done whatever it took to win your heart back.
And, he would've prevented you from changing your looks!!
I think it's GREAT when a woman cares enough for her man and loses excess weight, but to completely change your looks to match what "he likes" is wrong! If he didn't like your looks, then why did he marry you in the first place?
My husband has had to remind me of this whenever I ask, "what can I do to make myself look prettier to you?" and he says, "nothing. You look great". I know I don't match up to his exgirlfriends, at all, but he would never have married anybody he wasn't attracted to in every way, so he liked how I looked, despite me not looking like his "ideal" woman. That should not matter!
It's not a normal man to go off and cheat. He is a strange and twisted man to do this. You didn't pick a very good man, I'm sorry to say. It does happen. I guess all you can do is hope for the best, pray a lot, and don't be totally shocked if he cheats again, and if he does, IT IS NOTHING YOU DID OR DIDN'T DO. It is totally his problem, NOT YOURS! There's nothing you can do to change a cheating man's heart away from cheating!
Think of Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt. The dick-head went and cheated on his wife of four years with a hotty woman that pretty much every man wants, and everyone knows Jennifer did nothing wrong. She's very pretty, nice body, great personality, everything going for her. It was Brad Pitt being the sick-dick that he is and not respecting his wife or their marital vows. She couldn't have done anything differently to change what he chose to do. Now, I happen to like Brad Pitt's acting, but I have zero respect for the horn-dog.
Good luck, honey! I am so sorry that you've had to suffer through this for so long!
I suggest talking to him to find out if he's been cheating again or has cheated since. If he has, leave him. There's no future with a man like that, no matter how much he apologizes (I've known too many cheating husband's myself to be completely confident with the answer I just gave you).
If you have kids, I'm very very very sorry for them. If you don't have kids, then thank heavens and DON'T HAVE ANY for a looong time!!
again, good luck.
Only time can heal this wound....
2006-09-18 04:44:53 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not you, it's him. Even Halle Berry's ex cheated on her. If he truly made a mistake and learned from it, he won't do it again. You just have to give him another chance and trust him. If your husband truly loves and respects you, he will spend the rest of his life making up for what he did. If he cheats again, then it's your choice to stay or leave.
2006-09-18 05:41:14 · answer #8 · answered by charliesharky 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why are you changing your appearance to please him? Did he not marry you? He is the one that needs to change. If he wants to play then he needs to move out and you need to get a divorce. If you want to be married to someone you can't trust, and that you feel the need to be someone you are not to please him, then you need help.
2006-09-18 04:37:58 · answer #9 · answered by up2sumpthun 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
"Once a cheater,always a cheater"
2006-09-18 04:21:28 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋