I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend for at least 5 years now, but somehow he never seems to "pop the question"! I think we are meant to be with each other...what should I do?
2006-09-17 21:07:12 · 18 answers · asked by white rose 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
pfft!.. i have kinda the same problem.. my guy popped the question right away. now four years later he still hasnt actually married me.
does it really matter to you? are you having a good time with him? are you sharing things and growing together? if things are good and dandy, don't rock the boat. give him his time, it might take a while. dont start nagging him about it; that will only drive him away.
if you feel very strongly about marriage, try sitting down and having a talk with him. ask him where the relationship is going. tell him you want to get married and would prefer it to be with him, but you also wont wait forever with him. set yourself a timeline and if he doesnt ask by the end of that timeline, walk out the door. tell him you need a relationship that is going someplace and will find someone who is more serious about you and commitment.
you could also try couple's therapy together. perhaps he has some type of marriage aversion due to his past.
2006-09-17 21:14:33 · answer #1 · answered by .jess 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Your boyfriend feels so secure about your eternal love that he does not see why he should keep you away from other men. You have been in a relationship for 5 years doing all the things reserved only for the married so he feels no urgency to marry you. Let me tell you what to do: creat a virtual friend on your phone. Pretend to engage in a hearty conversation with this virtual friend about marriage etc. Occasionally when your boyfriend is around and in hearing distance say ' Do you say you will marry me? Are you sure?' to your virtual friend. Such conversation will arouse some jealousy in him if he loves you. If indeed you say 'I think we are meant to be with each other' then your actions and inactions that will trigger jealousy in him will prompt him to marry you lest another man wins your love and marries you.
2006-09-17 21:32:12 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just because YOU want to get married doesn't mean that HE does. The two of you should have talked about this about 4 years ago. You can't make anyone want to marry you. I suggest you sit down for a "heart to heart" and find out just what it is he wants from the relationship since you've obviously been putting it off for four years now.
2006-09-17 21:59:51 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him what you think. After five years he should be able to discuss his plans. Let him know what you are seeking and see if he is on the same wave length as you are. If he puts you off then let him know that you are interested in getting married and might even purpose to him if he doesn't soon, check out his reaction.
Strive to have excellent communication and tell him you both at this point shouldn't be guessing what the other one wants.
Good luck!
2006-09-17 21:37:03 · answer #4 · answered by Cheryl K 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
there's a book called "he's just not that into you" with questions (like yours) and answers from a man. it was based on a qoute from Sex in the City when miranda was thinking as a woman and believe her date didn't call back cause he might be busy...and carries' boyfriend said,"umm nope he's just not into you." this is a man's world. and men are very aggressive. and they more or less go for what they want. more than likely he's not gonna marry you because he doesnt want to. and now he's "attached" to you. and he's comfortable with you. but that is not what makes a marraige. men hate change, and he's not ready to change to another woman. one day though, he'll meet someone who takes his breath away and THEN he'll act on those intense feelings. and you'll get hurt! men AND women always act on intense feelings. think about it. he has you right there, ready for the taking and he doesnt marry you...he doesn't want to marry you. ultimatum and other manipulative tricks will only make him defiant or worse, he'll marry you but only to "keep you" cause he's "use to you". and that is a sad sad relationship. go to amazon.com, get this book and wake up! if you love yourself you wouldnt have put up with this. how can this man be worthy of you? are you saying you want marraige, and this man hasn't a clue that you do!? no way! he knows! and he doesnt care. and so that makes him unworthy! love yourself!!!! love yourself enough to move on and wait for a man who loves you so much he can't go one second without having you as his wife and the mother of his kids. doyou want a man who is so weak he can't leave a bad relationship, so selfish, he'd stay in a relationship based on laziness and his comfort zone; a man who could care less about what you want and need? MOVE ON! he isnt in love with you!!!
the book can be found here: http://www.amazon.com/Just-Not-That-Into-Understanding/dp/068987474X
2006-09-17 22:31:18 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You owe it to yourself to know what his intentions are. Sit down and ask him. If you are not satisfied with the outcome after 5 years, you deserve an honest answer. Before you do though, sit down and analyze what it is you want at this stage of your life, and define your goals. Have an idea of the route you will pursue depending on his possible answers.
Most importantly is whether or not you're going to control your destiny or leave it up to him.
Do you want to wait another 5 years?
2006-09-17 21:25:29 · answer #6 · answered by Robere 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to him and ask him where you stand with him, because you have been dating for 5 years and you want to know if you are wasting your time with him. Tell him he never mentioneds about getting married. And your dream is to get married to him. Let him know how you feel you have that right, you gave him 5 years of you.
2006-09-17 21:20:04 · answer #7 · answered by Humming Bird 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Babe, first of all, you can't MAKE someone ask you to marry them. :) However, you CAN bring up the subject in conversation yourself! If you've been with this guy for 5 years, then I would guess that you feel comfortable talking to him about just about anything :), so don't be scared...just bring it up!
Tell him that you love him and think he's the one you want to be with forever...and see how he responds! If you can't talk about the possibility of getting married with your boyfriend, how are you going to talk about big decisions like buying houses or having kids when/if you DO get married?
Best of luck! My thoughts and prayers are with you...
2006-09-17 21:14:27 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Men don't have a lot of motivation to propose marriage. You could get pregnant if you feel like beating him into submission, then again that could backfire and he could leave you with a bun in the oven. Did you try asking? Just drop 4 months Salary on an engagement ring, get down on one knee and ask him. You wouldn't expect any less from him would you?
2006-09-17 21:15:48 · answer #9 · answered by W0LF 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Communication is everything, I think you both are mature adults if you got this far in the relationship. Talk to him about this matter, if he responds negatively perhaps his not looking for a spouse but just a relationship? Hope his reasoning is good though. Good luck!
2006-09-17 21:09:55 · answer #10 · answered by Dispirited 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋