Serious answers please. Married 1 & 1/2 yrs. Few month old baby. Not happy with marriage.?

Question

I don't feel loved, important or sexy anymore. We live with his mother... I feel like I have come into this life of his & have to fit in somehow. Nothing has changed... the daily routines are the same... he wakes up late on weekends & spends saturday afternoon shopping with his mother. He's always playing games on his phone... comp. The only thing we do together is watch movies once in a while. He sleeps in another room because it is more convenient for him... while I sleep alone on a big bed with my baby in his little cot beside me. We have sex once every 3 weeks. He doesn't give me oral sex anymore. I've spoken to him about all of this, I've cried, gotten angry, threatened, tried to be nice, understanding, always give him oral sex... and still... nothing... I'm 22... feeling lost. My Mum gets more sex than me, she's been married 23yrs. He says that I should always remember that I am number 1 & that he loves me. I know he loves me... he just can't be bothered to show it.

Answer 1

What was it like before the baby came along? Think back and remember what you used to do together. Is there any way you could get out and do those things again? You're living with his mother - would she babysit so you could go out as a couple? What about your mother?

There are a number of possible reasons for his behaviour. One is, that some men are freaked out by the sight of what happens to their wife's body as she is giving birth, and then find it hard to see it as sexy again. I hope that 's not the case, as it will need counselling to fix it.

Then again, he may just be fearful that you are not fully recovered and be afraid of hurting you. Make sure you have told him that you are fully fit and he doesn't have to worry.

A possible reason for sleeping separately is that he's terrified of handling the baby, and he's scared that you may ask him to help look after it if it cries in the middle of the night.

Are you taking precautions against pregnancy? Because that may be another reason he's avoiding you - because the responsibility of having one baby is so scary, he's frightened of creating another one.

Of course,there is also the possibility that you are right - that he is just being selfish. So what you need to do, is stop allowing him to be selfish. So, for instance, stop the one-sided sex - tell him you're just as entitled to satisfaction as he is, so he can either play his part or do without. When the baby cries in the middle of the night and won't settle, march through to his room and say, "look after him for a minute, I have to go to the bathroom". Choose a day and time when you can guarantee he will be home playing on his computer, then announce that you are going out to meet your girlfriends so he will have to watch the baby for an hour. If he protests, say, "this baby is your responsibility as much as mine. I have a right to a life, too."

Have you tried talking to his Mom? Even though he sounds like a mummy's boy, she may be more sympathetic than you think. She is a woman, after all. It wouldn't hurt to try talking to her. If she doesn't like you for some reason, it won't make it worse, so what's the worst that can happen? Why not start by asking if you can come along on the shopping expedition?

And by the way, if you don't like the idea of leaving the baby with your Mom, his Mom or your husband, YOU need to take a look at yourself and ask whether you are contributing to the problem. If you can't let the baby out of your sight, then your husband may feel he's taking a back seat. You need to show him that he's still the most important man in your life, by making sure you spend time with him without the baby around, as well as spending time together as a family.

Answer 2

It may be convenient for him to have his mama around but he has a new life with a wife and child and has to realize it's time to cut the umbilical cord from mom. The two of you need a place of your own and what's this about separate rooms? That's crazy! You are young and if you are already unhappy after only a year and a half he needs to make some serious changes or you'll both be getting a divorce soon.
Since you've tried talking to him and it hasn't helped, tell him you want to got o counselling or you're gonna leave him. Be firm and stand your ground.

I wish you the best. Good Luck.

Answer 3

I am deeply sorry this is happening already in 1 and a half yrs. Maybe all of the married couple go thru this? Lost interest since the baby just came along, sooner or later it will get better. Just remember communication IS the key. He says he "loves" you, words are words, it's action that counts. If there is no "action" words are meaningless. Tell him that. Tell him EVERYTHING you told us. He plays video games, sleeps other room cause its convinient for him etc. I am 20 yrs old, your not that much older than me. If he responds negatively or continues to be selfish (sounds of it) I am sorry but YOU are young and there are sooo many single mothers out there and great guys who will LOVE you and cherish you and love your child as it was their own. So keep an open mind! Sounds like he didn't grow up yet (sorry im judgemental) living with his mother and you guys are married, shopping with mother? (its good to spend time but wife is number one) video GAMES? I am 20 and I stopped years ago. Talk to him. Pray, I hope it works out divorce is NOT the answer BUT, you don't want to live a miserable life. GOOD luck to you and GOD BLESS!

Answer 4

I would say that it sounds like you may have a bit of post natal depression- i really do think you should go and see the doctor, if you can. Coping with babies and hormonal changes are bad enough when you have someone supporting you fully, so doing it on your own is no fun.
All issues be them big or small are exploded when someone is down, and you seem to have loads all at once.
As for your man, well, you are going to have to explain all this to him, and make him listen.- ask him to go to the doctors with you, to hear things from a professional may wake him up and then he can see what you are actually feeling.
Sex is a major part in a relationship however, i dont think in your case that it is a priority, i think you are using that just to try and get some closeness or emotion from your guy, it will come back, but only when you are sorted.
Good Luck.

Answer 5

Well a lot of what I read is pretty normal, my twins are 8 1/2 months old and well one of them had 2 teeth by 4 months. The Dr. said that was pretty early. The other one had the 2 teeth by 6 months. Now the Dribbling wow that is completely normal. After 6 months they don't that much anymore. I can't say much about the breathing part but my girls had a lot of boogies all the time too. Remember that they are new to this world so their bodies are still adjusting to it's environment. I wouldn't worry too much. Definately voice your concerns to the Dr. In the meantime enjoy your baby, isn't it wonderful????!!!!

Answer 6

First off, talk to professional. Second, I have heard that after a woman has given birth the husband is turned off by sex. Something about the size of the babies head, compared to his penis. I never really understood it.

Before I became a father, I went through birth classes and "Daddy Boot Camp". They mentioned this insecurity issue there. It just sometimes happens. I was present for both of my kids births, I just gave my wife the recovery time she needed for her internal plumbing to reset itself.

Bottom line, talk to him. Ask him what his hang-up is (more nice though). Suggest talking to a Dr (Physical and/or therapist). Might not be the easiest thing to do, but it could work.

Answer 7

Wow it sounds like you got a Mommy's boy and now you have a baby caught in the middle. I would tell him that you both need to sleep together and that he needs to work out a plan where you both can get out of Mommy's house and on your own. I would also throw in that you love him but the situation is not idea. e.g. would he like to live with you mom at her house? I would also tell him that you both need to have more time together with your baby and own family time. If he is unwilling to do this than I think I would talk to your Mom and see if you and the baby can move in with her until he is ready to be a man and step up to the plate. Tell him this marriage is about both of you giving and he needs to financially take care of you and the baby without living at home. I would also tell him that you both have needs and that displaying no interested in yours is not helping you feel like number 1. Tell him that he needs to take care of your needs and that things are going to change you prefer that to be with him but are prepared to give him space and live back at home if that is what it takes for him to make time for you. Good luck!

Answer 8

Firstly the 3 of you need to get a place of your own. Why does he go shopping with his mother ? You need to stress to him that if you really are number 1 then he needs to show it, you are very vulnerable after the birth of your baby and the inevitable body changes this brings - he needs to shape up or ship out. Good luck.

Answer 9

Hi dear
yes you are in big trouble!!! well asking your men to show his love towards his women is the biggest task you can ever ask your man. well as you have told he must be very near to his mother so its completely useless to ask him to divert more of his time toward you. But as u want your life back, you have to try hard and bring him back to place where he is required to be. Sometime feeling of insecurity makes the men to turn toward those whom he is trusting for years. So ask him wot he is afraid of and try to help him find out solution rather then giving him. allrite understand this dont give him solution but let him find. Inform him that wot you expect from him and kindly if he can spend more time wit you on weekends. I think makin love in 3 weeks is like havin no love. you can pull him by telling your fantasies bout him and turnin him when ever he is around.
the moment he is in ur hand then dont worry he is goin to give you best oral you ever had.
so keep ur finger crossed and let hm trust you for every thing and he will allrite very soon. best of luck and
take care

Answer 10

Seriously, you might go talk with a therepist. Maybe he has other issues. Have you maybe changed? Maybe gained weight, or something since the baby? Maybe he is freaked out about the baby. Talk with him. Any man who wont give his wife sex, has a problem. It really sounds like he is cheating. You might get someone to follow him and check things out.