ve been married for over a year now and my husband is a wonderful person. He's incredibly sweet and is also making sure that everything is taken care of. He's also almost always in the mood. The problem is that I'm in the mood too, but not for him. A man I've known for many many years and I were always attracted to each other but when he moved we never got a chance to see what would happen. Now we feel so out of control around each other so we don't hang out but I can't stop talking to him either. He's never tried to get me to do anythign immoral but it's still between us. He's an amazing friend and I'm just unsure of why I'm so much more sexually attracted to him than my husband. Is this normal? (the sex with my husband is still great and we stil mix it up) Or why am I feeling this way? Should I go into threapy? I have issues with my husband having spoken to his very serious ex who broke his heart. Could I be feeling this way because I feel threatened? I'd never cheat on my husband
2006-09-17 20:20:13 · 15 answers · asked by lonelylonelylima 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Don't be weak. If you really, fully, love your husband, then you'll truly feel that you don't need this other person because your husband gives you all you need. But it's possible that you've already made a mistake by marrying someone you aren't that attracted to. If thats true, it's time for you to not be a coward, fess up to ruining your husbands life and wasting everyones time because you chose to be with the wrong guy.
If this other guy truly is worth it, drop everything you have with your husband and be with him. Just hope you don't make the same mistake and marry him, when you really just want the first boyfriend you had in grade school and continue the cycle, if you get my point.
I just want to add that this is why I hate confusion, it's pointless. The "I'm so confused, who should I be with", speech should be frowned upon. People should grow up and know what there doing.
2006-09-17 20:22:02 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you are cheating on your husband.
If you continue to allow yourself this fantasy with you good friend.
You are cheating in your mind. You are having an affair. If I am not right, tell your husband about it. ...................................................You see, you cant tell him.
{{{"The problem is that I'm in the mood too, but not for him. A man I've known for many many years and I were always attracted to each other but when he moved we never got a chance to see what would happen. Now we feel so out of control around each other so we don't hang out but I can't stop talking to him either."}}}
Show your husband this post and your question. If you are not cheating, you could do that.
Also, do not let yourself think about this guy. When your mind go towards fantasising about him. STOP YOURSELF!
Isn't that what You would want your Husband to do. Satan is having a field day with you. Are you enjoying the thrill of forbidden Lust?
When these temptations come, quote scripture, "Get behind me you Satan." If possible say it out loud. Also say, I Love my husband and I choose o love him exclusively!
If you continue in this direction, you are doomed. You made a vow to your husband and your husband to you. Does that mean nothing to you? Well sooner or later you'll be sorry. Better now than later, after it's too late. It's just a thrill of something new. Not of something better. You already found what is best for you.
Go to counselling if you cannot get through this on your own. You should go to counselling even if you believe that you can get through this on your own. And still better would be for you to go alone at first and then for your husband to go with you.
Make sure you work through this right now and don't wait for five years. If you don't deal with it right the first time you are going to revisit this situation again and again.
God Bless you, ;-)
2006-09-17 20:29:28 · answer #2 · answered by Deena 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The person you should go with is the one you love, which is not necessarily the one you lust.
Speaking from experience, I can assure you that you can have incredible chemistry with someone - so much that you can feel the electricity sizzle every time you set eyes on each other - and still not work out as a couple. Because what you do in the bedroom is only a part of your relationship. You may be totally incompatible in other ways, it's just that the sizzle is blinding you to everything else.
Only you can decide whether your attraction to this guy is in that category.
I'm concerned that you don't use the word "love" in referring to either of these men. Are you in love with your husband, or are you just accepting his adoration and letting him take care of you? If you're not in love with him, then leave him now. You're using him and it's not fair. Then you will be free to jump this other guy. But if you do love him, then recognise this other attraction for what it is: purely physical, and therefore not worth acting on.
2006-09-17 20:47:04 · answer #3 · answered by Kylie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I personally feel that u should go into therapy as u are headed in the wrong direction with this. Why throw away a good marriage for someone u may not be compatible with in the long run? I don't know if this has anything to do with your husband speaking with his ex as only u can answer that. BUT, if u want to keep your marriage, I suggest u cut all ties with this friend of yours and stop obsessing over him because if u don't, u might end up doing what u said u won't do and this will put an end to your marriage.
2006-09-17 20:45:23 · answer #4 · answered by cheetah7 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am fairly young so my opinion probably won't matter much to you. I'm 20, so take it how you want it. I personally get frustrated and angry just reading what you wrote. What are you thinking? You are a married woman, sex does not mean NOTHING, it's LOVE, you have a husband obviously he cares for you and your thinking of this other guy? If you end up having sex with this guy the most likely outcome from this will be you will lose interest and regred the WHOLE thing because it was just a fantasy you had and you will lose your husband and your life. Forget about this even if you have to get rid of this "friend" of yours. In my opinion if you even thought about that "friend" while making "love" to your husband that's already cheating, or thought of this friend "sexually, having sex w/ him and all that good stuff". You have 3 options, somehow get rid of this "fantasy" you have, divorce your husband and screw your so called "friend", or cheat. The choice is yours, and I bet you anything if you lose your husband, you'll end up being miserable, carma will catch on. Plz get rid of this friend. I know my opinion doesn't mean anything, but hey I still took the time to state it, give me some credit =). God Bless!
2006-09-17 20:44:55 · answer #5 · answered by Dispirited 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No... therapy is not the answer, you need to get it out of your system, talk to your friend, make it a point to see if you are really attracted or if it is just a fantasy, some times we think we need some one and when we get nearer it turns out that it was never worth the effort or time, if you have had any relationship with him (short or long term) then it is a different ball game, Most imp does the friend know he has this effect on you ????????. I too have a loving wife but the girl I fell for (mutual) is now a good friend and we do spend time together but it is long distance as she has moved away but the feelings are still there.
2006-09-17 20:44:13 · answer #6 · answered by ss 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are "strongly attracted to one another,and always were",then i am sorry,but it is only a matter of time before you and skanky man cheat...and you know it."Out of control around each other"-"its still between us"-"an amazing friend"...all have the hallmarks of future cheating plans being laid between you,even though you may not be aware of it.You say you would never cheat on your husband,i think you will,it appears inevitable-suggest you get divorced,then shack up with the skank-please dont put your hubby through the hell he WILL go through,you really shouldn't have married in the first place.
2006-09-17 20:49:38 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just think this over.....
Maybe your husband is filling your physical need and this other guy is filling your emotional needs.
Baby girl.... saying you'll never cheat on your husband.......what are you talking about !!!! don't you feel like you are.....it's time you realise that.
If you feel threaten by his ex and don't talk to your husband about it or do anything about it ... won't make it go away.
Oops !!! could it be possible his ex and your issues justify what happening with this other guy.
Continuing this way is definitely going to lead .... you and most especially your husband who took a second chance at love, and trusting you...... to hurt and pain in your future. Is that what you are looking for?
2006-09-17 21:08:06 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not uncommon. It's a sign that something is unsatisfying to you in your relationship. If you feel that you have marital problems, then go to marriage counseling. Or at least, go to individual psych therapy sessions as a starter.
2006-09-17 20:26:47 · answer #9 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It feels good to think that someone else want you? but he just wanted a piece butt why ruin your life? for something that might ruin your happiness.
2006-09-17 20:28:22 · answer #10 · answered by passionate 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋